The Joy in the Journey

Living With Open Palms

2012-01-30T23:54:00.003-05:00

There have been so many thoughts swarming around in my mind these past few weeks here. Thankfully, the Lord has been surfacing one to my mind all day today that has been a constant source of comfort and encouragement to me:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake."
[Psalm 23:1-3]

It's my second semester here at Moody Bible Institute and, yet, the challenges have not gone away. I didn't expect them to nor do I think that they ever will go away, for each season of life contains its share of joys and challenges. It's all a part of growing and maturing in the Lord and I want to be able to accept the challenges with patience and perseverance and a steadfastness in the Lord.

Last semester, I was faced with the challenge of settling in to this big city and of finding my place (or my next classroom, for that matter!) among all of the people who were strangers to me. I faced fears that were sometimes illegitimate and other times realistic. I went through my first semester freshman breakdown and sometimes I would cry when I realized just how far away God had taken me from those I love.

This semester, I realize the privilege that it is to have been brought to a place like this in such a time as this. I now have people - family - who I love and cherish here. I now know my way around the city (mostly) and can find all of my classrooms without getting lost in the tunnels. Those aren't my fears or my challenges anymore. But now, I face the continual realization that I am growing up. I am in a place that is preparing me for ministry. This ministry isn't a dream far in the future anymore. No, I am seeing my dreams unfold right before my eyes. It's exciting. It's scary. It's a challenge to be pruned, shaped, molded, and refined into who the Lord wants me to be. It's hard to live my life with open palms and see what the Lord will do with my relinquished plans and dreams. It isn't easy to grow up.

Yesterday, I was out adventuring in the city and ended up in the very building where I had a life-changing conversation a year ago with a man who I love, who will forever be my role model, my inspiration, and my example of a life of wisdom and godliness. I will forever be grateful to be able to call that man my dad.

We were sitting at dinner, trying to take in the surroundings outside of the window. Neither of us had ever been in this big city before and I was not quite sure what to think of it. I was scared. It wasn't a fear of impending doom or of terror. It was a fear that made my heart drop, a fear of knowing that the Lord was asking me to do something that I had never wanted to do and would have never asked for. It was all a part of living my life with open palms; it was a part of growing up, of realizing that the Lord is my King and I am His servant.

My dad said to me, "Molly, if you are not willing to go now, you are never going to be willing to go." He knows me sometimes better than I think I know myself. I had always spoken of my dreams of being a full-time missionary, of adventuring overseas to some part of the world that was unknown to me, to do whatever would be the hardest to do. I wanted to do the biggest and the hardest possible thing. Perhaps that's my adventerous spirit... but it had always just been a dream. I never imagined that the Lord would actually want me to go to a big city hundreds of miles away from those I loved and everything I knew to be familiar. To me, that's harder than going to some foreign country overseas. But my dad was right. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is where I decide, once and for all, whether the Lord is enough; whether I am going to decide to pursue Him with my life and fashion my pursuits and my desires and my plans around Him and His Kingdom or around my own selfish desires, whether I am going to live my life with open palms.

I cried. I got angry. I fought God. I doubted. I planned to go to a different college, closer to home. I held tightly to my own plans. I cried some more. I planned to tell Moody I would not be attending in the fall. I couldn't get it off my heart, out of my mind. I cried again, fought again, doubted some more. I opened my palms and I went. Somehow I'm now sitting in a dorm room at Moody Bible Institute, a year after that conversation with my dad.

Still, I'm constantly tempted to live my life with closed palms. Still, I doubt and am tempted to believe that the Lord is not enough. If only I had this... If only I had that... then my life would be complete. That is not what God's Word tells me. He tells me, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing" (Psalm 23:1). If the Lord is my Shepherd, then I lack nothing.

So what is holding me back from living my life with open palms? Fears? Doubts? "Messed-up" plans? Belief that I need something more to be content?

God's Word tells me to not fear. Jesus is the Truth. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. He is my portion. He is enough. I am now in need for nothing more.

Now is the time to let go. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is a crucial time in my life, when I must decide once and for all Who I am going to live for - myself or for the Lord. Now is the time when I must decide whether I am going to live my life with open palms, whether I am going to reach out to my Savior and embrace His life for me. His Word tells me He is enough.

So, Lord, give me faith to open my palms to You, embracing You and Your plans in surrender... knowing that in You, I lack nothing.

Everything I Ever Wanted

2011-12-15T23:33:00.000-05:00

"You are stronger. You are stronger. Sin is broken, You have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, You are Lord of all."

This is the song that was lifted up by hundreds of voices at Moody Bible Institute's dedication ceremony in August. Among all of the students, parents, and faculty stood my family and I as we tried to fight back tears of finality, trying to dispel all thoughts of the good-byes that were coming. I stood there, biting my lip and trying my hardest to fight back the tears that I knew would come. My little sister clung to me, and I broke. She looked up at me, looked down, and immediately looked back up at me again in surprise as she saw the tears flow. She began to cry, loudly this time, and I wasn't sure how I was going to endure the "good-byes" or the long months away from these people that I love so much. As the voices rose up to the One who had brought each and every one of us to this place, I was overwhelmed. Not by fear, not by doubt, not by sadness; no, I was overwhelmed with a peace that came only from the Lord; this God who is stronger, so much stronger and bigger than my doubts and fears. This God, who is Lord of all; He is Lord of my life and every moment of my life. Immediately, a peace overwhelmed me. It was a peace of knowing assurance that I was standing exactly in the place where the Lord wanted me to be. This is a peace that repels all doubts. This is a peace that enveloped my heart in a warm reassurance. This is a peace that passes all understanding.

This was back in August, four months ago. Looking back, it feels like it could have been a year ago as I ponder all that the Lord has done in my life and in my heart, all that He has taught me, and all the challenges that He has brought me through. In tutoring refugee children, persevering long days in the library writing 15 page Old Testament papers, investing hours of studying for tests and finals, searching for a "home" church without my family, adapting to life in the city, planning and team-teaching a class, making new friends, and starting a new life 676 miles and three states away from all that I knew and loved, the Lord has taught me and grown me more than I could have ever possibly imagined.

The Lord has sent me to this place. He has lovingly and providentially guided me to this place in my life, for such a time as this. I believe with all my heart that this was in His Plan for me before I ever sent in one college application. I had been so set - so set in my own way of going to a different college, one closer to "home". I almost did not follow the Lord to this place in my life; and if I hadn't, I would have missed out on all that He has for me here. I can hardly imagine it now. I can hardly imagine how I ever considered other places, how I almost rejected my acceptance letter, how I wanted to turn around and go back once I got here.

I am convinced more now than I ever was before that the Devil wants to steal my life away from me. He is constantly throwing darts of fear and doubt and discontent at me that cause me to want to turn around and turn away from all that the Lord has set before me. He has done it so many times before and each time it has been so strong that I literally almost turned around and ran away from what the Lord had asked of me. By God's grace, and only by His grace, I took a step forward in the direction the Lord was leading me in and I have never regretted doing so. I am resting in His arms. God is so sovereign and mighty... He is love... He is beauty... He is justice... I can rest my life in Him. I can turn away from all of my fears, worries, and doubts and look toward the face of Jesus and breathe out a big sigh of relief because in His arms, I am safe. I am loved. I am right where I was created to be when I rest my life in the arms of Christ. And I am blessed... So, so very blessed. This life He has given me is one that I have always wanted but never knew how to ask for, never knew how to put in words to pray for.

I cannot settle. I cannot ever settle for anything other than what He has for me. It is so freeing - so completely freeing - to be able to live out my passion for the Lord. I do not ever need to settle for anything less than the passions that He has placed in my heart. I should not settle for anything less than what He has placed on my heart to do for His Kingdom.

No, it's not easy. Yes, it is very challenging. But I am convinced more now than ever before that it is worth it. Why give in to fear for a moment, when that one moment can change your life forever? That one moment of giving in to fear can change one's entire life course. It almost changed mine.

"You are stronger. You are stronger. Sin is broken, You have saved me. It is written, Christ is risen. Jesus, You are Lord of all."

I listen to this song again, once more overwhelmed by the place where the Lord has brought me.
Looking back, I can see His providential hand faithfully guiding, providing, leading, and loving me throughout this season of my life and every one before it. The same God who was faithful to me then will be faithful to me now and forevermore. Even when I am so faithless, He was and is faithful. Praise Jesus.

Father, thank You. Thank You so much for who You are and for all that You have done and constantly do for me. I do not deserve this. Thank You for being unchanging. Thank You that I can trust You to walk me through every season of life. Thank You for loving me with a love that I can know nowhere else. Thank You for pouring out Your grace in my life every single day. May I never settle for anything other than what You have for me. May I never settle for something good when You ask me to live out Your best.

So be it. Amen.

Just Do It

2011-09-29T20:22:00.001-04:00

"If God puts something on your heart, do it."

Those are the words of a man that I met in Bolivia this past summer and they continue to speak to my heart just as they did when I heard him say them. This was a man who grew up as a "shoeshine boy" in the streets of La Paz, Bolivia. He shined the shoes of whoever would ask for his services so that he would have money to live. These shoeshine boys have a bad reputation and are constantly being looked down upon because of their status in society. Many of the boys are orphans or are left with only one parent. This man, however, found the Lord and began working with a church. Today, he has a ministry to the shoeshine boys in the city and is living his life in full-time ministy for his King and the Kingdom. When being asked what could be done to help his ministry, he simply said, "Your prayers. We need more workers." And then he said those words that captured my heart in such a way that tears sprang to my eyes, "If God puts something on your heart, do it."

I sing the popular Christian worship song by Chris Tomlin, "Follow": "Where You go, I'll go. Where You stay, I'll stay. When You move, I'll move. I will follow You." Do I really mean that? Or am I just singing the lyrics as empty words, offering an empty heart of worship up to my King? It is foolishness to make a promise to the Lord and then to not follow through with it. It is foolishness to sing worship to the Lord as words without meaning, from a heart that is not in communion with the One it is worshipping.

I look back on just six weeks ago, when I sat and told my dad that I did not want to go to Moody Bible Institute. I just did not think that I could do it because everything in me wanted to turn back. My dad looked me in the eyes and said, "Molly, you know you don't have to stay." I appreciate him telling me that because he wanted me to know that no one was pressuring me to go. And a small part of me thought, "That's right, I can still turn back." And yet, a bigger part of me knew that I had to go. I had to. To turn back would be to go against everything that the Lord had shown me, all of the things that He had provided for me, and on the Call to ministry that I knew He had placed on my life. I knew that this was where the rubber meets the road; this is where I had to make the defining decision. I remember visiting back in February, knowing with everything in me that God wanted me here. As we drove out of the city, Chris Tomlin's popular song "Follow" came on the radio. My heart echoed the words; I knew that I had to follow the Lord to where He was leading. It was so evident to me that He was leading me in a particular direction. There was a peace that literally passed my understanding because this was unlike any decision I had ever made before. This was a decision that I would have never made on my own will or choice.

And so here I am, sitting in a dorm room at Moody Bible Institute. How the Lord led me from signing the line on the acceptance letter saying that I would NOT be going to Moody Bible Institute, to erasing it and instead sending in my deposit, to sitting here at Moody is so surreal to me. I do not quite understand how this is a reality because this is unlike anything I would have ever chosen for myself. And that is why I point it all back to the Lord. He is leading. He has set the path before me and I must simply follow. And yet it is not simple. It is hard. It is so terribly hard and my heart within me sometimes pushes against it with everything. His Grace is the only reason that I am sitting here today. I am so encouraged, so amazed, so overwhelmed by the Grace of God in my life; by His provision; by His guidance; by His patience with me and His love towards me. He does not show me a step ahead of the next one; He is always showing me just one step at a time. And so it makes sense that I must take one step at a time. There is no need for me to worry about the future. There is no need for me to stress out about trying to figure out the Plans that He has for me... because He holds my future.

"If God puts something on your heart, do it." Just do it.

I don't have plans. I have already found out the hard way that I cannot make any plans apart from the Will of God. His plans are so much higher than my own. I do have dreams. I do have desires. And these I want to place at the foot of His Cross, where in surrender I hand them over... because I desire for HIM to reign in my life. I desire for HIM to lead me... to lead me to His heart, to His Plans, to His life. There is no other reason to live. I desire for Him to be my single focus, for my heart to be an undivided heart, to glorify Him and to live for Him only. Yes, it is hard. There are so many challenges along the way. And yet this life is meant to glorify the King. There is great joy in living for the One who created us for His Glory.

And so I say with Paul, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 3:13-14).

An Inexcusable Heartache

2011-05-31T18:55:00.005-04:00

I want to change the world.

No, I am not disillusioned. No, I am not prideful in making that statement. No, I am not being unrealistic when I state that this world needs the love of Jesus Christ to change it... and I want to be one of the ones who brings it to them.

I am restless. A "holy dissatisfaction", some call it. I simply call it a heartache... because my heart aches. How can it be that 143 million children have no mother or father and no one who holds them in their arms and tells them that they are loved? How can it be that three billion people on the face of this same planet that I stand on right now have never heard even the NAME of Jesus before?

How can it be that millions proclaim to be Christians and how can it be that the majority of them live in this blessed country that we live in, with all the resources we could ever ask for, and yet the facts listed above still stand?

If every Christian man and woman, boy and girl, were obedient to the call of Christ on their lives - whatever that may be or in whatever form that may be in - I do believe that there would not be 143 million orphans. I do believe that there would not be three billion people who have never heard the Name of Jesus before.

Why do I believe that?

Because Jesus has sent us out.

He has sent us out.

I can have an excuse and I can deny what I just stated above if I were ignorant to the truths in the Bible. However, I am now held responsible because I have read such verses as these:

"The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field. Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves."
-Luke 10:2-3

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted from the world."
-James 1:27

"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me."
-Luke 9:23

"To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps."
-1 Peter 2:21

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
-Matthew 28:19-20

I am responsible now. I now have no excuse. I have held the hands of orphans; I have seen skinny, malnourished women sitting on the side of the streets because they have not eaten in weeks; I have watched as babies bathe in buckets of muddy water because they have no clean water to bathe in; I have held a baby in my arms who I am not sure today if she is still nourished or even alive; I have sang songs of praise to God with 200 children who go to sleep at night with empty stomachs, without a bed or a pillow... and they are some of the most joyful children I have ever met; I have cried tears of brokenness over leaving behind countries that the Lord has taken me to, to fall in love with and share His love with... I have hugged children "see you later" with tears welling up in my eyes and my heart breaking inside of me... And I do not want any of this to have been in vain.

No, I am now held responsible because I have held them in my own arms, I have seen them with my own eyes, I have smelled the trash and the garbage along the streets, I have heard the wailing of children who are hungry, I have wept over all that is yet to be done and what little is now being done.

It is an agony - a pure tragedy - that we in America are so blessed by God and yet we are doing so little to reach out to those in the world who He has called us to love, who He has called us to share Him with.

And, of course, I am not exempt from this. I am one of them and yet the greatest tragedy of all is that I am held more responsible than any American who has never seen what I have seen or who has never read the verses in God's infallible Word that I have read.

And I do not want to just stand by my whole life in inexcusable ignorance that will end in shame when I stand before my Savior. I do not want that. And yet the selfishness of this nation, the selfishness of Christians, and most of all the selfishness of ME.... can steal my heart away from all of His purposes into a life of self-centeredness based on decisions of what I want, of what I think I need, of what will make me feel good...

NO! That is a tragedy.

He and His Kingdom purposes are all that matter in this life. I am sure of it. I am absolutely sure of it because nothing in all the world can satisfy like the love of Jesus Christ... and it must be shared with those who have never heard of it. It must be shared.

It MUST be shared.

I have a heartache... and the hardest part of all is that I have no excuse.

Knocking Down that Brick Wall...

2011-05-05T22:31:00.003-04:00

I am so... sad. I don't know that I am ready to become the person that the Lord is asking me to become. Sometimes I am excited. Other times, like tonight, I am apprehensive... torn... doubtful... I recognize each feeling as an attack of the Enemy because feelings cannot be trusted. And I do not trust them. I am just expressing how I feel because I am very broken...

*Why would You send me so many hours away from my family, my best friends, and all that I know and love?

*Why would You ask me to go to a Bible Institute where every student is trained for ministry?

*Why would You send me alone?

I am scared. I am terrified! I am already broken over the ones I love so much whom the Lord is asking me to leave. Why? I don't understand why. What is the reason? I don't even know that.

All I know is that He is asking me to "Go" and I must Go.

All I know is that He promises that He will always be with me, that He will never leave me.

That is all I know. That is all I need to know.

It is just hard. So very, very hard. I would be inhuman if I thought it was easy... Because it is not. I do believe it is the hardest thing He's asked me to do so far in life.

It scares me to think about what this could be preparing me for... as my first mission trip to Chuuk, which I thought was so impossible, has prepared me in so many ways for leaving home to go to a Bible college far away.

Every step is a step closer. I only have one Light, and it is the Word which is a lamp unto my feet. Only as I take a step can I see any farther ahead. I must continue on in faith.

I must break down the brick wall that seems to tower over me. It is a high, thick, and wide brick wall that looms before me. It is the wall that stands between me and the destiny that God has set before me. This is where rubber meets the road. This is where I make the decision of whether I am going to go the hard way and knock down that rough brick wall, as painful as it will be... Or whether I am going to turn around and walk away from that wall, ever wondering what is beyond it... ever regretting that I turned away.

No. NO. I cannot turn away. I resolve not to turn away. I recognize the doubts, the fears, the anxieties, the bitterness, the resentment all as attacks of the Enemy on my very life... for I know that he comes to steal and kill and destroy my life and all of the blessings that the Lord intends to bestow upon it.

This life is Yours, Father... to have and to hold, to use and to mold... Forever Yours.

The Call

2011-05-04T22:28:00.004-04:00

"Michael and Gabriel were puzzled.

'Why doesn't He let us do it?' Michael asked.

They were sitting in a quiet corner of Heaven, chatting together as they watched what was happening on the small but beautiful blue and green planet called Earth.

'I know, we could do a far better job.' Gabriel sighed. 'Those human creatures He depends on so much are really quite useless. I know He loves them but they're so disobedient. Just take, for example, that little place in Africa - Burkina Faso. I don't know how many times He spoke in someone's ear about it and none of them took any notice. They sometimes seem to be too afraid to do His will. We, on the other hand, are too afraid not to do His will and we would have started to obey even while He was still speaking!'

'And it would have been such a privilege. You know, I think He made a mistake when He gave them choice and free will. If I had been creating creatures to serve me, I would have made them obey me!'

'It would certainly have got the job done more efficiently. But you know,' Gabriel went on, and his voice took on a rather wistful quality, 'I think I can understand why He did it. Have you ever seen His smile when one of those stubborn creatures does obey Him, out of love and with no compulsion?'

Michael nodded slowly, 'Yes, I've been in the Presence when that happens - it lights up Heaven. But it's just so frustrating watching them make such a mess of it all, knowing that we could do better. Even the obedient ones - they're so slow and weak and they're not very well equipped for the task. They can't fly in an instant from one place to another. It takes them ages getting anywhere in those little steel structures.'

'And it takes them even longer learning a new language,' Gabriel added. 'At least people hear us in their own language when we speak to them. All this language learning adds years on to the job. It can be hard watching them struggle with it - funny, sometimes too!'

'Of course, to be fair, we must remember that some of them have the right idea - it just takes so long.'

Gabriel smiled, 'I know what you mean. Men like Stanley and Jeremy have the vision, they can see what needs to be done..........'

'Stanley and Jeremy........ we got all excited up here about their plans. Now if only He had let us carry out those plans. You know that map of villages that Jeremy wants to evangelise? You and I could have taken a legion or two of angels and appeared to everyone in those villages to tell them the Good News. It would have been so easy, too - job done in a couple of hours.'

'The only problem with that,' Gabriel reminded Michael, 'is that we frighten those human creatures so easily. They're just not used to shining presences from Heaven speaking to them.'

Michael laughed, 'Yes, we are rather impressive, aren't we?'

Gabriel turned to him with a serious expression,
'You know I'm not sure we'll ever really understand His reasons for spreading the Gospel this way. You and I and the legions of mighty angels may be impressive and much more beautiful than the human creatures He created, but He seems to have a very special place in His heart for them. Maybe we could do a better job and do it more quickly and efficiently but He has chosen to do it through them. Somehow, seeing them serve Him, however ineffectively, brings more pleasure to Him than we ever could in an eternity of faultless service.'

'He loves them with such passion, doesn't He? It must be wonderful to be loved by Him like that......' Michael gazed down at the little planet, turning in space on its axis, and looked as though he wished that he could be one of those human creatures so beloved by Heaven's King.

'Do you think they know?' Gabriel wondered. 'Do you think they have any idea of the depth of His love?'

'They would if they could hear Him singing,' Michael smiled. 'What an amazing sound that is - when the God of Heaven rejoices over His children with singing. The hosts of heavenly choristers might sing well but even they listen with awe when the King sings...'"
-Epilogue "Angel Talk" from the book "A Place Prepared" by Gloria Kearney

I understand that this is not a true conversation between the angels in Heaven. However, I was encouraged... overwhelmed... by the message of this story. You will understand more about Stanley and Jeremy and Burkina Faso and the vision that the Lord placed on those two men's hearts if you read the book in its entirety. However, this epilogue is enough to bring across a very clear point: God loves you.

God wants to use you for His Kingdom service.

If we knew how much God loves us... if we would truly listen to His voice.... if we would obey Him because we love Him so much and we understood the honor of the task at hand... our world would be a different place. And not just OUR world - what we know and see and feel - but the whole world.

"For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With His love, He will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."
-Zephaniah 3:17

Do we really understand that? Do we really KNOW that... in our hearts? The King of Heaven delights in us with gladness... He will calm all our fears... He REJOICES over us with joyful songs!

"'While you were doing all these things,' declares the LORD, 'I spoke to you again and again, but you did not listen; I called you, but you did not answer.'"
-Jeremiah 7:13

Let that not be us, as His followers... as His beloved Bride. No matter where we are in life, "let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." (Hebrews 12:1-2)

What is He asking of you? What is He calling out to you? You do not want to miss this. We cannot afford to miss this. He is yearning for us to come into a love relationship with Him, to obey Him with everything that we have, to live our lives in total and complete surrender to Him...

Let us not be the ones who do not listen when He speaks to us. Let us not be the ones who do not answer when He calls us. Let us answer the Call...

Close to Heart

2011-01-17T00:01:00.012-05:00

The Lord has blessed me in amazing and abundant ways. This Journey has been extraordinary.

Seven months ago I stepped onto an airplane that took me to a place beyond words. Seven months ago. Even as I write this, I cannot believe that it has been so long. And yet, it has been an eternity. No, it was just yesterday. I cannot quite wrap my mind around how long I feel that it has been, because it is in my heart every single day. All that I know is that the calendar tells me that it has been seven months. Seven months ago a small airplane took me over the ocean to a country that has been and forever will be in my heart. Seven months ago I stepped off of that same, small airplane onto unfamiliar soil. And yet my heart still leaps every time that I think of it.

Every time that someone speaks the name of the country, "Haiti", I feel as though a piece of it is mine... as I have left a piece of my heart with the people there and have replaced it with a piece of them and their country. This single heart holds the memories, the smells, the sights, the sounds, the air, the voices, the languages, and the dear people of places once far away.

Today at church I was given the challenge to draw near to God, for it is then that He draws near to me. Oh, it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart! To know that the Savior, the Creator of ALL the universe, the KING of kings, the LORD of lords, the great GOD wants me to draw near to Him is just too much for me to handle at times. When I come to even a slight glimpse of what this means to me in my life, it is as if everything else in the whole wide world just fades away except that which is near and dear to my Father's heart, those things that mean the most to Him. And those are the things that matter.

GOD - the King of kings - did not just tell me that He loves me. He did not just say, "For God so loved the world..." (John 3:16), He sent His Son to die so that I could be forgiven. "For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life."

"But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:8

God did not just tell me that He loves me. No, He demonstrated it by sending His Son Jesus to the earth while we were still sinners and He died for me. Does that ever hit you? Does it ever strike you as absolutely amazing, that Christ died for us - for you and for me? No "god" of any other religion dare step down that low to become like us so that He could die in our place.

"I love Him." I do. I love Jesus. And yet those are just words, and those words when simply written in ink do not mean a thing. Nothing at all. Anyone can say anything, whether they truly mean it or not. God is not dumb. It may be obvious, but I think that we forget. He is all-knowing; He knows that we are good with our lips and not so good with carrying out what we say with our lips. He says:

"These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me."
-Isaiah 29:13

"If you love Me, keep my commands... Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me."
-John 14:15, 21

Ah, there it is. This is how I can demonstrate to the Lord Jesus Christ how I love Him. This is how I am able to make my words more than just words. This is how I show Him that I do, in fact, love Him.
If I love Him, I will obey Him.

Even when it is hard.
Even when it goes against everything and everyone around me.
Even when it seems impossible.
Even when it means that I must give up something "valuable" to me.
Even when it means that I do not get my way.
Even when it means that I must lose everything so that I may gain all of Him.

Yes, surely if I love Him, I will obey Him.

Seven months ago I followed Him on a part of this Journey that broke me in ways that I can never truly describe. Pieces of it seemed impossible at times, and yet the Lord's strength broke through at just the right moment, every single moment. Sometimes I did not understand some things, but that did not matter because the peace that the Lord gave me outweighed any and all doubts that may have been swirling around in my oh-so-human mind. And that is exactly why I am sharing this. I do not share this to say that I am perfect or that I have in any way arrived. I share this as a reminder, as much to me as to any one else, that when one obeys the Lord, blessings follow. He always leads, always loves, always provides.

He does not ask me to obey Him and then leave me there, hanging off of the cliff. No, He gives me the resources to climb up the mountain and do what He has asked me to do, to carry out the task that He has set before me. Always. It has never failed in my life. He has never failed me. Maybe I have not understood some circumstances or situations and yes, there have even been those times when I was completely broken and could not comprehend why the Lord would allow such a thing to happen. And yet every single time, He overwhelms me with His peace. And He reminds me that He has a Plan. A very, very Perfect and Profound Plan.

"If you love me, keep My commands." What is it that the Lord is asking me to do next? Will I do what the Enemy tempts me to do and walk away from it, because the task seems too big? Will I go the other direction, thinking that my way is the best way? Will I shy away from it, seeing it as something bigger than myself and definitely never something that the Lord would ask ME to do?!

No. No. No! I cannot. I look back on all that the Lord has done in my life and I cannot. I cannot disobey my Lord. All that matters is Him. That is it. It is not about me. No way is it ever about me. I cannot even take my next breath without the Lord allowing my heart to beat again. No. I must obey Him, with everything... everything... No matter what.

Seven months ago I stepped off of a small airplane onto once unfamiliar soil. Two weeks later I stepped back onto that airplane, forever changed. Tired, yes. Having been stretched beyond my comforts, yes. Having faced fear a number of times, yes. Did the Lord give me strength? Every single moment. Did He grow me through the moments that I was stretched beyond my "comfort zone"? Oh, yes. Did He give me a peace "which transcends all understanding" (Philippians 4:7)? Yes, yes, yes!

Will I obey Him with my next step? Moment-by-moment, day-by-day?

One of these moments I am going to be face-to-face with my Savior, or perhaps face down because of His great splendor and glory and holiness. I want to hear Him say, "Well done." I want to know Him. I want to have obeyed Him with every ounce of myself here on earth, to be stretched and used by the King of kings - for His service and for His Kingdom. There is no greater Purpose in all of life, no where and in nothing else.

One purpose. One mission. When I am focused on Him, everything else simply falls away, drops away...

Will I show Him that I love Him? Will I obey Him?

Step-by-Step... A Journey of Looking Back

2010-11-07T21:30:00.008-05:00

I find it crazy how this amazing Journey with the Lord works. Sometimes I feel as though I am facing a red light or a stop sign and the pain in that awful time of waiting seems almost unbearable. I get impatient when the LORD does not answer me in my time. I try to fly through the yellow lights without yielding to what the LORD has for me. I do not heed His warnings to "slow down" and then I end up in a collision that pushes me down hard on my knees... the place where I am humble and realize my complete need for God in my life.

This Journey really is one of steps. I look back and I see that so clearly. Each step was made up of an act of obedience. Some steps were smaller than others, but just as necessary as the other ones. Some steps were harder than others and some grew my faith more than others. Some of the steps resulted in tears; some were tears of joy and others, tears of loss. Yet all of the steps required a heart of complete trust in my God and a fall to my knees in complete surrender. All of them led me straight into the arms of my Savior. And I am so thankful. I know that God is not a feeling, but when you do feel Him and His love for you even amidst the times of confusion... you realize your true worth. I am wrapped in the arms of the One who holds the world. He surely knows how to care for His own. And I am one of His own. Oh, how unworthy I am! Yet how grateful and how humbled to know that I am loved by the King...

Step by step by sometimes painstakingly slow step... Each step is for a purpose, each one perhaps for a reason that we do not understand. I understand that now. Looking back over the course of these years, I can see it. I can understand why the Lord led me in the ways that He did. I may not understand completely all of the reasons for everything, but I can see His faithfulness to me then and I rest in knowing that He is faithful always, that He will be faithful to me now.

And this, this is what I live for. This is WHO I live for. Sometimes I am just so blown away by this thought. I do not know exactly where in this life the Lord is leading me on this Journey... But I do know with a confident reassurance that the last step will leave me on the streets of gold, enjoying the presence of my Savior and my God all day, every day, for all of eternity. One step here on earth might be painful. It might be almost unbearingly hard. It may even seem impossible; it may BE impossible without God's supernatural strength and intervention. It may lead me to places that I never would have dreamed or imagined... And yet I know that at the end of it all, I will be able to fall at the feet of my God, and I will want to know that I lived this life doing all that I could for Him and for His Glory.

God has taken me to amazing, indescribable places in this Journey with Him. He has allowed me to meet the most precious, incredible people that anyone could ever have the pleasure of meeting. He has broken my heart in humility and humbleness through many circumstances... knowing that in order for Him to fulfill in my life what He knows is best, I must have a completely surrendered heart. Looking back and knowing all of this allows me to look forward to the future with a confidence that only comes from Christ.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
-Proverbs 3:5-6

May I never, ever, ever forget this truth. There are no winding roads with the Lord. There may be stop signs; there may be flashing yellow lights and "yield" signs; there may be intersections of temptation where I must decide to stay on the straight and narrow, without turning to the right or to the left. Yet I know that the path is straight for the one who trusts in the Lord and not in her own understanding, the one who acknowledges Him... I look back and I see this now. I may not understand every step, but I understand that they are all for a reason and that I can trust Him.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
-Romans 8:28

Yes, yes! I understand this now. I may not understand all of Him and all of His ways, but if I could He would not be a God worth following... He is too awesome and magnificent and incredible for mere human thought. I may not understand why certain things happen in my life and in the lives of ones that I love, but I understand that God loves me and that He is working together a far greater plan than anything I could come up with on my own.

And for this, I am forever grateful. To Him be the glory forever and ever and ever and ever...

Oh, the depth...

2010-09-08T20:43:00.015-04:00

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 'Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?' 'Who has ever given to God, that God should repay him?' For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen."
-Romans 11:33-36

view from the Citadel in Haiti

In "Voices of the True Woman Movement", Nancy Leigh DeMoss shares her experience of riding in a jeep through the Rocky Mountains with her friends in Colorado. The climb was long and even scary at times, as they came real close to the edge of the mountain. At points, they would get out of the jeep and hike the steep trails. After many curves and narrow trails, they finally - finally - made it to the top of the mountain. There, they looked out over the breathtaking view that surrounded them and were awestruck by the beauty of God. Their effort was rewarded.

Nancy compares this to the verses in Romans above and how Paul must have been feeling. Nancy says, "In the first eleven chapters of Romans, Paul lays out the basic doctrines of our faith - the sinfulness of man, the amazing grace of God, the salvation that is possible for us through Jesus Christ. Then, in the remainder of the book - chapters 12 through 16 - Paul makes practical application of everything he has written before... And the doxology of Romans 11:33-36 serves as a bridge between the two." It is as if Paul pauses to think about all that the Holy Spirit has written through him, and he is struck speechless. He breaks out into praise to God - "How unsearchable... Who has known the mind of the Lord?... To Him be the glory forever! Amen."

I can relate to this feeling - this feeling of being speechless before the magnificence of God. You cannot describe it. You cannot give it to others to feel. You cannot put into words the beauty and the majesty and the magnificence of God when you have experienced even just a glimpse of it. In Haiti, we had the opportunity to hike up to the Citadel - an old army fortress from the early 1800's, built on a mountain top to fend off the attack of the French that they thought was coming. This fortress, built nearly 3,000 feet above sea level, is situated on the highest point that I had ever climbed to. It was an exhausting hike, yet when we reached the top and looked out over the vastness of the beauty of God in Haiti, I stood speechless. All I can do is say, "Wow, God. You are awesome. To You be the honor and glory forever and ever! Amen."

So when Paul reaches this point, he is struck speechless. He cannot describe the depth of the riches of God's wisdom and knowledge. God's ways are too great for us, as mere humans, to understand. Our minds are too small to wrap around it. Our eyes are too blind for us to see it. The ways of our awesome, limitless, powerful God - "Oh, the depth"!

So, what does this have to do with true womanhood and learning more of what it means to be a true woman of God? It all begins with, "Oh, the depth..."

We can go to the bottom of the deepest part of the depths of the ocean (the Marianas Trench, a chasm in the Pacific near the island of Guam), yet then we stop. We can dig our way through the deepest mine filled with gold (located near Johannesburg, South Africa, extending two full miles into the earth), but eventually the riches will end. We can go through life living on our own strength, but eventually it will be exhausted.

God's ways are not like that. His wisdom and His knowledge (Romans 11:33), His kindness and forbearance and patience (Romans 2:4), His glory (Romans 9:23), His mercy (Ephesians 2:4), His grace (Ephesians 1:7-8) - Oh, the depth of His riches!

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God!"

This means that God knows everything and everything about everything. God knows about every difficult situation that we face, every family issue, every need, every challenge, every sin, every fear, every insecurity, everything about our past, present, and future and everything that we think we have hidden away in the depths of our hearts. God knows it all. We can see that as reason to shrink away from the Lord, or we can draw nearer to Him and allow Him to shine His light on the depths of our hearts and prune away our sin issues so that He can transform us - that we may live righteous lives before the Lord and please Him in everything we say and do.

God's ways are unfathomable, unknowable, unsearchable, and unable to understand. They are just too great. What does this have to do with becoming a true woman of God?

Nancy lists three reasons:

1) A true woman lives a God-centered life.

We live in a self-centered world. Yet a true woman of God lives a God-centered life even amidst all of the selfishness around her. She realizes that compared to the vastness and the magnificence of God that causes us to become speechless and our hearts to skip a beat, her problems and challenges are tiny. Standing at the top of the mountain in Haiti, my biggest challenge and hardship would be as small as the smallest ant on the ground - as I am standing nearly 3,000 feet above sea level. Looking out at the vastness of His creation and of the beauty of His awesome Hand, my problems no longer seem so huge. In light of the magnificent and powerful God that I serve, my problems are nothing. He does, after all, hold the whole world in His hands. A true woman of God is enthralled with Jesus Christ, her Lord and her Savior. Her life revolves around Him and only Him. Her life is centered around her Savior and her Lord.

2) A true woman trusts God.

Our world is filled with bad news and troubling times. Every corner we turn seems to be filled with some sort of tragedy, especially when the news of the world is blaring in our ears. We are a fearful people. Yet a true woman of God is not filled with fear. She simply trusts. She trusts the One who made her, the One who knows her heart more than anyone has the capacity to understand it, the One who created the universe, the One who holds the whole world in His hands. She trusts in the One who has control. She "can laugh at the days to come" (Proverbs 31:25) because she has nothing to fear. Her laughs are light-hearted and her smiles are genuine. Her life revolves around the One who holds the whole world in His hands and she knows that He is in control. His plans are good - for her life, for her distinct situations, for her troubling times, for her challenges, for her tragedies. He is in control. Nancy says, "And though many of us would never dare to speak such words aloud or even consciously think them, many of us are practicing athiests at times, living as if there's no God, or at least wondering if He has really messed things up this time." A true woman of God can give over her control, because she realizes that she really has no control at all - not over her next breath and not over the world around her. Nancy also says, "The true woman who trusts God doesn't have to strive. She doesn't have to be afraid. She can relinquish control. She doesn't have to manipulate and control the whole wide world (as if we could). She doesn't resent, or resist, or run from the cross. She embraces the cross with faith." A true woman of God realizes the depths of His riches... and she knows that she can trust Him.

3) A true woman says, "Yes, Lord."

A true woman of God pursues His passions for her life. She pursues the path that He has so strategically and perfectly set before her. She does not resent it; she pursues it with all her passion and all her energy. She may not understand it, but she follows anyway. Her faith is not a blind faith, but a faith that trusts in One she cannot see - because she sees His hand in her life and acknowledges it. She knows she does not have to understand. She does not have to analyze or question or try to figure out the depths of the Lord and of His Plan. She just follows Him joyfully and without hesitation. She never asks the question, "What will make me happy?" Always, she asks, "What will please You, Lord?" A true woman of God lives an intentional life, pursuing the Lord and obeying Him with all of her heart and soul. With every area of her life, she surrenders - "Yes, Lord" is the cry of the true woman's heart.

We may feel as though we are climbing the highest mountain in the world and we cannot yet see the peak of it. We question. We wonder. We cry out in exhaustion and pain as the last of our strength gives way. This - this is when we hit rock bottom and we must allow the Lord to pick us up and lift us up. For "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." (Isaiah 40:31)

"In every situation and circumstance of your life, God is always doing a thousand different things that you cannot see and you do not know."
-John Piper

We must continue on by the grace and strength of God. One day, we will reach the top. We will look out over the vastness of the beauty of the awesome hand of God and we will look back on the path that we have taken and we will stand in awe, speechless at the sight of the providential and perfect hand of God in our lives. The depths of His riches are too great for our feeble minds to understand. Yet may our hearts cry out, "Oh, Lord, how great Thou art!" He knows what He is doing and He knows exactly how His perfect plan is going to unfold in your life and in mine.

Until then and for all those times when we feel so very far away from the summit - from the peak of the view of the splendor and vastness of the beauty of the awesome hand of God - may we remember...

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! 'Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor?'"
-Romans 11:33-34

The Ultimate Meaning...

2010-08-25T09:34:00.009-04:00

...Of True Womanhood

In Nancy Leigh DeMoss's book, "Voices of the True Woman Movement", John Piper states his assumption that "wimpy theology makes wimpy women". What is a wimpy woman? John Piper goes on to say that "the opposite of a wimpy woman is not a brash, pushy, loud, controlling, sassy, uppity, arrogant" woman. The opposite of a wimpy woman is a woman who knows her Savior and stands for Him against all tides of the world. A woman who is not a wimpy woman is a woman who believes in Jesus Christ's saving grace and trusts Him with all of her heart... and, as a result, knows that there is a reason for every situation in her life - no matter how difficult - because she can trust her Savior.

"Wimpy theology simply does not give a woman a God that is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, and good enough to handle the realities of life in a way that magnifies the infinite worth of Jesus Christ." -John Piper

Wimply theology is placing the Almighty God in a box - not believing in His infinite power, His wisdom, or His greatness... or in His ultimate purpose for the world.

"God's ultimate purpose for the universe and for all of history and for your life is to display the glory of Christ in its highest expression, namely, in His dying to make a rebellious people His everlasting and supremely happy bride." -John Piper

Revelation 13:8 talks of, "...the book of life belonging to the Lamb that was slain from the creation of the world."

So, before the foundation of the world it was the plan of God for Christ to be slain... so that we, as rebels of God, would become His Bride... and His glory would shine brightly.

So what does this have to do with womanhood? I am a woman and that was no mistake or incidental matter. God created me as a woman for a distinct purpose and unless I understand this I will never carry out God's purpose for me as a woman. Womanhood and manhood and their distinct differences were not an afterthought in the mind of God. Ephesians 5:31 and 32 says, "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church."

Ever since the creation of human beings, God created us as man and woman - male and female. These distinct areas - manhood and womanhood - are designed to bring glory to Christ. It is like a mirror, although dim, of Christ and the Church (His Bride). This is what marriage is all about. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:22-24)

This is not a slave relationship. True marriage is a dim reflection of Christ and His Bride, the Church. We as women should never look at our role as women as being degrading. We were created as women for a purpose and when we find out what true womanhood really is, we will come to appreciate this role and have a desire to joyfully carry it out to bring Jesus Christ glory.

As a single woman, I cannot magnify Christ in this same way (as married women can). Yet, there are ways in which single women can magnify Christ that married women cannot. John Piper lists three:

1) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that the family of God grows not by propagation through sexual intercourse, but by regeneration through faith in Christ.

As a single woman, I can care for the lonely and the needy and spend myself for the Gospel in a different way than I would be able to if I was married and had my own biological children to care for... because Christ has met my need, I have no reason to wallow in self-pity in my singleness.

2) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that relationships in Christ are more permanent, and more precious, than relationships in families.

Again, I can more fully give myself to creating the family of God because I do not have my own biological children to give myself to and expend my energy on. In this way, I can honor Christ in a unique way.

3) A life of Christ-exalting singleness bears witness that marriage is temporary, and finally gives way to the relationship to which it was pointing all along: Christ and the church.

If I embrace my single womanhood and am joyfully content with just walking with Christ, I will be a great witness to the world of God as my Husband... and me, as His Bride.

John Piper closes the chapter with, "So whether you marry or single, do not settle for a wimpy theology. It is beneath you. God is too great. Christ is too glorious. True womanhood is too strategic. Don't waste it. Your womanhood - your true womanhood - was made for the glory of Jesus Christ."

Created by the Lord as women for a divine purpose, we cannot settle for anything less. We were created as women for the glory of Christ. If we were all the same, we would never be able to reflect the great picture of God as the Husband and us - the Church - as His Bride. We would never be able to bring glory to Christ in this way or have it bear witness to a watching world. I am a woman for a distinct purpose... and whether I marry or remain single, this life is all about bringing glory to the Lord Jesus Christ and what He has done for me on the Cross... He has bought me at a price and I am not my own. The Church - His rebel Bride - was bought at a high price, with the precious blood of Jesus.

We cannot take this lightly. May I live out the calling of true womanhood that the Lord has purposed for me.

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
-1 Corinthians 6:19-20

My Big Dream...?

2010-08-23T22:02:00.014-04:00

While in Haiti, the Lord spoke to my heart in many ways. One day, He taught me something through a Haitian boy around my age who approached me the last day of Vacation Bible School. He told me about how his little brother had been going to Bible School and then went on to tell me of his Big Dream to one day go through seminary and become a pastor. He did not know how his Big Dream would come true because he does not have the money to make it happen... And yet this Big Dream was cultivated in his heart. The way he told me, "You see, I have a Big Dream to one day be a pastor" was with such conviction and passion that I knew he meant it. I knew that this Dream was rooted in his heart. I know that one day, with God's Provision, he would love to see this Dream through.

I was excited for him. I told him that his Dream was a great one... And then, he asked me a question that jolted me to the core. It is a question that has rocked my world. He asked me, simply and naturally, "So, what is your Big Dream?"

Looking back, I am not quite sure what I did at the moment he asked me that question. I am not sure what my face reflected when he asked me that and, although I cannot remember, I would not be surprised if I had asked him to repeat what he had just said. Although I have thought a lot about this question before, no one had really ever asked me it pointedly and on-the-spot like that. I had no time to think about what I should say because I certainly had not planned to answer a question like this at Vacation Bible School.

I searched my mind for something to say and I stuttered a reply, "I am not sure yet."

He looked at me with the most surprised expression and said, "You do not know?"

I was standing there sweating in the little white church building, with Haitian children swarming all around me, yelling and talking and singing and running - with our only light being the light from the bright Haitian sun streaming through the open windows and doors of the concrete building. I looked around me at the children, I looked above me on the small podium at my dad and my brother and the others on my Team and I reflected on the day of teaching the children of Jesus Christ being our only sure Foundation... all while I felt the sweet warmth of the little baby who had fallen asleep in my arms... and I looked back at this sincere Haitian boy and I said the first words that came to my mind and tumbled out of my mouth: "Something like this."

Although I do not yet know for sure what exactly it is that the Lord wants for my future (and the Lord has placed many dreams deep in this heart of mine), I sit here and wonder if that boy is praying for me - because the Lord has been showing me a few things about what His Big Dream may be for me. That boy did ask for my name and I know that the Lord is not limited by miles or by culture and I know that prayer is something that can unify us all... It brings an excitement to my heart to think of the people I have met in Haiti who have what they call their "Big Dream" to do great things for God.

And yet, they have no resources. They have no money, no savings, no retirement fund. Retirement is not even an option in the minds of these particular Haitians. All they want to do is serve their God with their lives, no matter how hard, no matter what little they have... They do not even know where their next meal is coming from, let alone the money they may need to pursue what it is the Lord has placed on their heart. They just trust the Lord... because if the Lord asks them to do something for His Kingdom, then He must provide.

What about me? It brings me back to the question that the Haitian boy asked me: "What is your Big Dream?" I echo Dr. Jerry Falwell: What would I attempt to do if I knew I could not fail?

If nothing stood in my way - such as a lack of finances, people and their negativity, discouragement from the Enemy, and all other obstacles - what would I do with my life for the Lord and for His Kingdom?

The truth is, nothing stands in my way but my own self - because if the Lord asks me to do something for Him, then there must be a way to do it. I may not see it, but I see the Hand of the One who asks me and I know that I can trust Him. That makes all the difference and that means everything.

The boy and his little brother

So, what is your "Big Dream"? What comes to your mind right away when that question is asked? It is something we must think hard about. We must never be afraid to Dream for His Kingdom... Big things will never happen if we put the Almighty God in a box.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21

Voices

2010-08-05T11:35:00.008-04:00

Many of you may have heard of Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Revive Our Hearts or maybe the True Woman Movement. I was one of many who asked for a copy of her book, "Voices of the True Woman Movement" so that I could write about it on my blog. As a young woman seeking to be the woman that the Lord asks me to be, I believe that a huge part of my Journey is learning about what it really means to be a woman of God. These posts are going to be a result of what I learn from the book... but more than that, of my seeking the Lord on who He asks me to be as a woman of the Lord. So, if you are a woman... please read, follow along, and post your comments!

Before I begin, I want to make it clear that when I talk of "the voice of God" I am not talking of an audible voice that tells us which way to turn or what option we should choose in a decision. I am talking of the inner convictions of the Holy Spirit. When we are transformed by Christ, so are our mind and our thoughts... our inner convictions. Everything that we need to know was already written down for us in God's Word. God reveals to us through His Word what is right... and also, what it means to be a woman of the Lord.

Introduction to "Voices of the True Woman Movement"

Many things call out for our attention as women. They tell us how to be beautiful, how to be satisfied, how to be fulfilled, how to live a wonderful life of beauty and wonder. They tell us we are "strong and beautiful", that we deserve to indulge ourselves in selfish pleasures once in a while, and frankly, that "Life is all about YOU!" These voices lead us to a dead-end. They leave us there lost, confused, and more unfulfilled than where we began.

And yet there is a voice calling out among these other voices. A voice that is so often gone unheard. A voice that is so often overlooked. A voice that is so often drowned out by the thousands of other seductive voices calling out for our attention every day. It is the Voice of Truth. His voice is not seductive. His voice is not selfish. His voice is not filled with lies that will lead us to a dead end and leave us there lost, confused, and more unfulfilled than where we began.

"The voice of the LORD is powerful; the voice of the LORD is majestic."
-Psalm 29:4

It is the voice of the LORD who tells us how we are to live as true women of God. He leads us in a life of selflessness, of finding true fulfillment in Him (the only place where true fulfillment exists), and in a life that reflects the beauty of the Lord Himself.

In the words of Elisabeth Elliot, "In order to learn what it means to be a woman, we must start with the One who made her."

What kinds of things call out for your attention in everyday life that distract you from hearing His voice? How can you instead drown out the thousands of other voices so that you will hear His voice, the only voice that is true?

A Breaking Heart

2010-07-22T13:31:00.015-04:00

So, I had told you all that I would be writing updates on here about the trip to Haiti. The only times we were able to connect to the internet down there was to write home to let our families know that we were safe and okay. That is why I was not able to update you all while we were in Haiti.

Even as I am back in America, I have put off writing to you all. Before leaving Haiti, I was scared to come back to America. I knew the culture shock that had rocked my world last year when I returned back to the States from being among poverty... and I knew it would shake me again. Being in Haiti, I felt so far away ~ so far away from the "things" of America that suffocate my heart, from the extravagant richness of the American culture that sometimes just simply pains my soul. The deep poverty of Haiti caused me to feel so very far away from America. I breathe in the dust-filled, dirty air of the streets of Haiti and I breathe deeply... and I breathe freedom. It is something that is hard to explain, but it is a freedom that my heart now knows.

It is deeply painful to go to a third-world country. God took me out of the extravagance of America to show me a very poor country and I believe part of the reason for His doing so was to break my heart a little more for the things that break His heart. That was my prayer and I prayed it almost fearfully, knowing that the Lord answers the prayers of a sincere heart... and my prayer was sincere. Yes, my Father answered the prayers of His daughter's aching heart.

It has been painful... heart-wrenching at times. It is painful to see an old lady sitting alongside the busy streets of Haiti, frail and so thin it looks as if she hasn't eaten in weeks... and the reality that she probably hasn't. Or when I see the protruding stomachs of some of the children because they are so malnourished. Or when I see a baby taking a bath in a tub filled with dirty water, as another baby sits naked on the dirt next to him. Or when I meet people who are so content and so joyfully obedient to the Lord and then later realize that these very people are hungry... Reality hits hard. And it puts me to shame.

This, this is how the majority of the world lives. The extravagance of America is not the majority. How I ever got so blessed as to have a sturdy roof over my head, a car of my own, food always in my refrigerator, a variety of clothes to choose from, more than one pair of shoes for my feet, and a job that provides more than I need... I do not quite understand. Yet I said it in Haiti and I say it again ~ I do not want to just go away from this experience with the simple understanding that I am so very blessed. I cannot just come back to America, sit back and sigh with relief as all of my blessings sit around me and say, "Yes, thank You God." No. No, that is wrong. To come back with just that would be selfishness. My Father says, "'Depart from Me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave Me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite Me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe Me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after Me...I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for Me.'" (Matthew 25:41-43, 45)

At Vacation Bible School, I taught the children about Christ being their only sure Foundation. I was sharing about how God gave everything to us and He wants us to give everything to Him... and I could not share the next line of what I had planned to say. "Everything that we have was given to us by God." Yes, it is true... But I could not say it. It just did not seem right for me to say to these children... because I have more than I need. These children have next to nothing. How could I stand before them and teach them that God wants them to give over everything, when they have next to nothing? How could I stand before them, "rich" compared to them, and tell them that everything that they have was given to them by God? How could I teach them these things when they were the ones who should be teaching me?

And they did teach me. They taught me so much about life and what really matters. These people have next to nothing... some have nothing at all. And yet some of these people are the ones who are stepping up in the churches to lead the people in Christ. These are the ones who have big Dreams to accomplish much for the Kingdom of God, not knowing how the Lord is going to provide but knowing that He is.

It is startling to think that these "things" that I have are actually sometimes a hindrance to my walk with the Lord and accomplishing what He has asked of me. The chilling thought has occurred to me that perhaps the only things I should really have are those things which are resources for furthering God's Kingdom. All other things are only extravagances that can suffocate my heart and cause me to lose focus of the Purpose the Lord has set out for me. If the sole Purpose of my life is to serve the Lord, then I have need for nothing else than what the Lord provides to accomplish His purposes and further His Kingdom.

It is a lot to process. I am responsible for the things that I have seen and felt and experienced and I cannot take that lightly. I do not take that lightly. This passion in my soul is firing up once again. It is hard. I think God gave me more of a glimpse of what it is like for full-time missionaries overseas... the challenges, the heartaches, the exhaustion, the discouragements, the pain, and the joy of knowing that I was exactly where the Lord wanted me to be in that moment.

And that is exactly where I want to stay, all the days of my life. Right where the Lord wants me, wherever that may be. Father, help me with this. I need You to help me with this. Your strength is what sustains me. I have come to the conclusion that You truly are all that I need... sadly, not always all that I desire, but always all that I need. I thank You for that... and I thank You for breaking my heart for the things that break Your heart a little more.

For God so loved the world...

2010-05-03T23:05:00.016-04:00

"Jesus, remember me when you come into Your kingdom." (Luke 23:42)

These words were spoken by a criminal... One of the criminals hanging beside Jesus on the Cross. Jesus' response to this criminal was not just relevant to the criminal, but to all of us.

"Jesus answered him, 'I tell you the truth, today you will be with Me in paradise.'" (John 23:43)

Jesus did not ask the criminal, "What criminal offenses have you committed?"

No, Jesus has beautiful eyes of love. He did not come to condemn the world, but to save the world (John 3:17). One of the last things He did before He died was save a criminal.

There is a beautiful, beautiful hope there for you and for me. It is a hope that screams against our thoughts of, "God could never save me out of this sin". It is a hope that pushes against our low expectations of who God is and just what He can do.

It is a hope that is for you, for me, for all of us.

I hear this hope scream out, "Nooo!" when we turn away from our Savior because we think that He could never save us from the wrong that we have done.

If we were to believe that Jesus could not save us from our sins, then we underestimate the power of Christ and His sacrifice for us on the Cross. Jesus came to save the world. He came to save you and He came to save me. It does not matter what wrong we have done. It does not matter how far we have walked in the opposite direction. It does not matter because Jesus came to save the world. He did not come to condemn us, but to save us.

That truth offers me hope that is found nowhere else. That truth offers me forgiveness and a clean start. That truth is found in Jesus Christ, and in Jesus Christ alone.

And tonight, I am rejoicing in that truth.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9)

When we wonder if God could possibly forgive us for our sins, we must look to the Cross... to the criminal and to the One who died there to save that criminal and to save you and to save me.

Tonight, I am thankful for this criminal's story... The one who Jesus saved on the Cross. As they were both dying physically, Jesus promised the criminal eternal life in Heaven, in His Kingdom, in paradise that very day. And He offers it to each and every one of us... We are all criminals who have sinned against God and His perfect Law. That is why I am thankful for that criminal's story. I am thankful for my God. I am thankful Jesus saved the criminal and I am thankful that Jesus saved me.

Tonight, I am rejoicing in Him and in His truth and in His promises.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him. Whoever believes in Him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son."
-John 3:17-18

And all because "For God so loved the world" ~ and He so loves you and me.

A Bucket-Sized Faith

2010-04-29T13:30:00.007-04:00

"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." (Romans 10:17)

I have a story about faith... A faith story that is a piece of my journey. It includes an island over 8,000 miles away and a simple bucket.

In Chuuk, Micronesia most of us on the Team had buckets like these. These buckets held all of our bathroom needs. Here in America, most of us girls would consider this bucket to be a basic necessity... And the one thing that could never be ruined, lost, or misplaced.

The Lord knows my heart. He knows the depths of this heart and He knows just what it needs. He decided to test my faith with this simple bucket.

I was over 8,000 miles away from home. We had been on the main island of Chuuk for the past week and now our Team was splitting up and going to separate islands for the next week of camp. We had all of our things packed. I made sure the bucket was part of what I was taking with me. We sped across the water in the little motor boat... And eventually we ended up on a little island bordered by white beaches and surrounded by the beautiful blue ocean and distant islands dotting the horizon.

When we went into our "home" for the week and decided who would be staying in which room, somehow a piece of what I had brought for the week ended up in someone else's room. My bucket somehow got separated from my other things and misplaced among everyone else's things without any of our knowing where it had gotten to...

I had a decision to make when I realized that I had lost my bucket. Was I going to allow my faith to be so small that it fit inside the bucket or would I allow it to be bigger and to trust that God has a plan for everything? I don't know how, but the Lord gave me the grace and strength to choose to trust Him.

I was on an island over 8,000 miles away from home and everything that was known to me. I brushed my teeth with a bandana and a friend's toothpaste. I put my contacts in a friend's solution in swimming goggles. Somehow, the Lord continually provided and improvisation became my word for the week. Laughter came along with this word as I did what I had to do to live without my bucket.

It brings me to a probing and challenging question. Is my faith sometimes so small that I could place it in a simple bucket and cover it with a lid, as to keep it to myself? Or is my faith bigger than that, so big that I can live without my bucket and most definitely without the lid that covers it?

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

We may not be able to physically see God, but are we certain of Him? We may read about and hear about God's promises, but are we sure that He will carry them out? We may say we believe that we are saved and that we will spend eternity with Jesus, but do we have faith enough to be certain of this truth that the Lord tells us?

Or is our faith so compact and small that it fits inside a bucket? If we were to lose that bucket... Whatever that "bucket" may be in our lives right now ~ whether that be a relationship, a job, a bank account, a car, scholarship money, college applications, family, home... If we were to lose that bucket, would we still have our faith? Or is our faith only in that one object, and if that object is lost, would our faith be lost along with it?

I do not want a bucket-sized faith. I want a great faith, a radical faith, a deep and reckless and genuine faith... a faith to move mountains and not just stones... A faith to be sure of what I hope for and to be certain of what I do not see.

That faith is possible through Jesus Christ. The Lord continually reminds me of Philippians 4:13, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." That is why I have the ability to do whatever He asks me to do. How do I get greater faith? "Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the Word of Christ." (Romans 10:17)

Jerry Falwell explains it in a great way when he says, "When you get the life of God in you, that's the foundation for faith. If you have God's life in your heart, you can trust Him and live as He requires."

I get greater faith by reading God's Word... When I read the words of God, I get to know God better. When I get to know God better, I realize that I am able to trust Him and take Him at His Word... That the best place to put my life is in His hands.

Sometimes these tests of our faith are hard and challenging and exhausting... But they turn into inspiring faith stories that, when looked back on as I have just done, grow my faith even more. To know that the Lord cares about me so much as to allow my faith to be tested so that it can grow is a great honor. It shows His love, though at first while I am being tested I may not realize it.

The Lord does not want us to have bucket-sized faith. Our lives will never be wrecked, they will never be changed, they will never be all that they were made to be if we choose to allow our faith to be so small.

May I place my faith in nothing but in You, Jesus. You are the only constant. You are the only One who never changes, and in this world where everything changes, including friendships and relationships, it is very comforting to know that You are my Rock and my constant. Thank You for all of your promises and truths. I do not understand why You have chosen to love me like this, but I do not need to understand. To understand would take away the deep meaning of the love that you have, a love that passes human understanding. Thank You, Father!

Enough is Enough

2010-03-28T00:32:00.014-04:00

"The lyrics for the song 'Big House', which is probably our biggest song, were actually lyrics to a song that the kids in Haiti taught us to sing. If you're a kid living here, you most likely live in a hut with a mud floor and a tin roof. You've got 10 family members sleeping with you. You might even have to sleep in a chair or something. Then one day, you look down the street and see a house. You think, 'I wonder if that's what Heaven is like - a big house with everything we need: a room, a bed and all the food we can eat. Someday, I'll go there, to my Father's house.'"
~Audio Adrenaline

I read these words on the airplane on the way to California. I thought that it was a cool story behind the song and it made me smile to know that children in Haiti sing this song.

Then I took a tour of Los Angeles. I got to see the Walk of Fame, celebrity houses, houses that are famous for being in movies and on TV shows, papparazzi, the famous Hollywood sign, movies being recorded, huge buildings that cost millions of dollars to both build and buy. As I stood on the streets of Hollywood, I basically stood in the center and the capital of America.

I passed huge house after multi-million dollar house. The more I saw, the more my heart sank.

I saw the papparazzi flash their cameras at people... People just like me and you. I saw billions of dollars get put into huge houses with more rooms than one celebrity can possibly use. I saw millions of dollars get put into tours taken around Los Angeles to see these houses where these people live. They may not even live there, but they own them and that is enough to get us excited. I saw the Walk of Fame, where people pay $25,000 to get their name written inside of a star on a sidewalk.

It pains my heart. My heart aches for these people who are caught up in this life of fame and glory and may I add, dissatisfaction. They are constantly striving for more and more. When they reach the top, it is not high enough. I am saying this genuinely. I truly ache for these people who think that this is all there is to life ~ their world of fame and wealth. A little more fame, a little more wealth... Enough is never enough and I do believe that dissatisfaction encompasses the whole place.

It pains my heart. My heart aches for the people all around the world who live off of less than a dollar a day... Not out of choice, but because that is their only option. My heart aches for the over 462,000 orphans in Haiti who could live in the empty bedrooms of the houses of these celebrities in Hollywood. It aches for the over half of the 1.2 million children under five years old in Haiti who suffer from malnutrition, when Hollywood has enough to feed them all.

"I wonder if that is what Heaven is like - a big house with everything we need: a room, a bed and all the food we can eat. Someday, I'll go there, to my Father's house."

It is a cry from a Haitian child's heart.

It is the cry from children's hearts all around the world.

I had to ask myself, "Why?" Why do we strive for this life of fame and glory? Why are we so dissatisfied with ourselves and our lives that enough is never enough? We are never beautiful enough, smart enough, talented enough, athletic enough, rich enough, famous enough, good enough. Why? Who determines whether we are enough?

"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:14

That is what God's Word has to say. Is that not enough? I do believe that it is enough.

My heart is aching. The quote that I read on the plane on the way to California swirled through my mind while I was there, on the ride home, and even now.

"You've got 10 family members sleeping with you. You might even have to sleep in a chair or something. Then one day, you look down the street and see a house. You think, 'I wonder if that's what Heaven is like - a big house with everything we need: a room, a bed and all the food we can eat. Someday, I'll go there, to my Father's house."

This is an injustice... And it pains my heart. Enough is enough.

P.S. I am so very thankful that I had this opportunity to go see these places. I believe that it is another part of this amazing Journey that the Lord is taking me on. I want to thank Emily's parents for flying me out there and giving me this opportunity. Otherwise, I don't think that I would have ever had the opportunity to go. So thank you so much!

No Greater Love

2010-03-14T23:29:00.015-04:00

"And this is the Good News, our God became one of us. And this is the Good News, the God of the Universe became a man to stand in the gap for us."
~Dutton

This past weekend I had the great opportunity to go to a youth conference called Planet Wisdom with Dutton, Mark Matlock, and Dawson McAllister. I have never before been shown the reality and gruesome details of Jesus' death like I have this weekend. It really changes everything.

We paint these pretty pictures of Jesus on the Cross, with a few drops of blood on His face from the crown of thorns. We create these beautiful stain glass windows with Jesus painted on them, His body whole on the Cross. We create these mindsets of Jesus not really having that much of a painful death. "Jesus died for you" ~ Yeah, I know. I have heard it all of my life. "Jesus loves you" ~ Yeah, I know. I have been told that more times than I can count.

The truth is, Jesus died for me ~ a painful and gruesome death. Crucifixions were not taken lightly. Jesus was not even recognizable as a human at that point. They - no, I took the whip with its pieces of sharpened bone that pulled at Jesus' flesh and ripped it out. It was my sin that He was dying for, my sin that caused Jesus to have to go to the Cross. It was as if I stood by and watched the scene in mockery. My sin is what drove the nails into Jesus' wrists and feet. It is as if I spit on Him and I mocked Him as He hung on that cross. It is as if I stood by as He was breathing shallowly and quickly, trying to get any breath that He could.

It as if I was right there and I heard Him say, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." (Luke 23:34)

There is a detail about this story that captures my heart:
"Arriving at Golgotha, the place they call 'Skull Hill,' they offered Him a mild painkiller (a mixture of wine and myrrh), but when He tasted it He would not drink it." (Matthew 27:33-34, the Message)

"But when He tasted it He would not drink it"... But He was in so much pain... so much agony. Why would He not want to take a small painkiller? It is believed by some that Jesus did not want to take it because He had to experience the full extent of our sin.

He was put to so much shame. He was mocked and spit on and laughed at and whipped. He made Himself of no reputation among men. He was humble.

"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we esteemed Him not." (Isaiah 53:3)

No one knows sorrow the way that Jesus Christ knew sorrows. And "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday today and forever" (Hebrews 13:8). He understands. And He did it all for us.

There may be skeptics. I was skeptical of Jesus Christ's love for me at one time. But nothing - nothing - can take away the depth of Christ's love for me and for you (Romans 8:38-39). Nothing can take away what He went through on the Cross for each and every one of us that proves His love to us in such an incredible way.

As Dawson McAllister said, it is as if He looked at the pain of the cross, looked at us, looked back at the pain, and then back at us and said, "There is no way that I am turning back. No way." He made His decision while on the Cross. The question is, Have we made ours?

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." -Hebrews 12:2

All for us. All for you. All for me. There is no greater love.

Beautiful Sacrifices

2010-03-11T00:21:00.021-05:00

Does God ever ask you to sacrifice something that is near and dear to your heart?

I am thinking of the story of Abraham and Isaac tonight. The Lord asked Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac, who was so dear to his heart. It is through Isaac that the many descendants whom the Lord promised Abraham would come. It is easy to think that Abraham had no feelings, as if somehow those in "Bible times" are exempt from anything that we feel today.

No, I cannot imagine the anguish in Abraham's heart as he traveled for three days - without turning back - to this place where the Lord wanted him to sacrifice his son, Isaac. "On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance." (Genesis 22:4) I cannot imagine the hard time Abraham must have had when his son said to him, "Father?" (22:7) and questioned his father on where the sacrifice was. I cannot imagine how Abraham kept himself from doubting when he replied, "God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son." (22:8) I cannot imagine for the life of me how Abraham must have felt as he took his son and tied him down to the altar and reached out his hand with the knife to slay his son.

All for the Lord. All for my God. All for Him, as His servant. He is who I am living for. I believe. I trust. I love. All for the Lord. All for my God.

I really do wonder what was going through Abraham's mind as his arm was in midair and the knife was perhaps just inches from slaying his son, with his own hand.

Whatever was going through Abraham's mind, his thoughts were pierced. "Abraham! Abraham!" (22:11) The Lord was speaking.

"Here I am," (22:11) Abraham replied. Here I am? Even still, Abraham was faithful and willing ~ a true example of a servant of the Lord.

"'Do not lay a hand on the boy,' He said. 'Do not do anything to Him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from Me your son, your only son.' Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns." (22:13) This is amazing. This is what makes my heart skip a beat.

It was the sacrifice that Abraham was looking for; the sacrifice that he told his son that the Lord would provide.

"He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son." (22:13)

It makes me wonder. It really makes me think and evaluate my life. What is near and dear to my heart? What am I not willing to give up? Where am I unfaithful and unwilling and untrue?

This past summer I thought that I was giving up my summer to go overseas to serve the Lord. I was terrified to give up my family, to give up what was comfortable, to give up my home, to give up my normal life. I gave it up and it was all returned to me tenfold and more. It was the best summer of my life.

Sometimes the Lord asks us to give up things that are most precious to us. It is then that our faithfulness to the Lord is tested most. It is then that our love and our obedience and our willingness is tested. It is then that our hearts go through the fire. It is painful at first. It is terrifying. It is heart-wrenching. It is good.

Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done. I believe... I believe in You, God.

This Crazy Beautiful Journey

2010-03-05T00:31:00.010-05:00

Summers... They always seem to hold such amazing moments. The first day of summer... There seems to be no day quite like it! A few months of endless possibilities seem to await me ~ sleeping in every day, spending all the time in the world with friends and family, having nothing to do, just being bored. That is what my summers were like even two years ago.

Yet last summer, things completely changed. I did not want the first day of summer to come because I was terrified of the Journey that the summer held. I was going over 8,000 miles away... On an airplane across the ocean, over the open waters, through time zones. I would have never dreamed that I would be doing this. And yet as I sat on the airplane and looked out the window over the ocean and the white caps, I was overtaken. I can still see it. I can see the islands far below me, small dots, places where I have never seen and yet places where the Lord was calling me. It was beautiful. The landing strip on the island that we stayed on was short... Rainy weather could be a hazard. It had been raining before this. We prayed and the plane landed safely.

I took my first step onto the island and I was overtaken ~ at first, by extreme heat. I was actually having a hard time breathing at first because of the stuffy heat... I even asked someone if it was going to be like this the whole time. Yes, God sure was pulling me out of my comfort zone. We walked through immigration and on through the small airport. It still feels like yesterday. There were a crowd of people waiting for us on the other side of the glass windows. I was wondering what God had gotten me into.

I had no idea what He was getting me into as they smiled at us, said hello, and gave us gifts of lei's.

I had no idea that I would never experience life the same way again.

And that is why I am excited. Summers hold a wonderful story. I don't know what it is about them, but they are just wonderful. There is something beautiful about the sun shining down on your face. There is something beautiful about the heat ~ at first it may be hard to get used to, but then you do and you realize the true beauty of the place and of the atmosphere.

I am so excited that the Lord is sending me back to an island country where the heat is extreme. It may sound crazy, and it is... But that is okay. I am okay with crazy. Crazy is where this whole change began. Crazy is what shapes this Journey into an adventure of a lifetime.

Jesus, thank You. Thank You for this wonderful Journey You are taking me on. It is sometimes very hard... And yet it is through the hard times that I realize how weak I am and how strong You are. Thank You for helping me to trust You and thank You so, so much for calling me even when I was sometimes unwilling and so afraid. Thank You for second chances and thank You for loving me.

Captivated

2010-03-02T23:13:00.006-05:00

So, the Lord is doing it. He is doing what He has promised me He would do. Why does it sometimes take so long for me to have faith that He will do what He promises? Why am I so surprised when He answers my prayers? My faith seems shallow when I am surprised that such a huge God does the amazing things that He does.

Do you ever have "God, You are just awesome!" moments? I have had quite a few lately. Support for my brother and I's trip to Haiti has already been coming in. With each envelope that I receive, I smile. With each person I receive one from, I send up a quick, "Thank You, God!" It is just more confirmation to me that He is calling us to Haiti this summer ~ and I must trust that He is going to get us there. My faith would be shallow if I did not believe that such a huge God could provide what is needed in order for His Will to be carried out. Last year I did not trust God completely and it left me with not enough support, which caused me to have to pay in once I returned home from the trip. This year I want things to be different. If last year's trip really changed me the way that I believe it has, then this year I will approach things differently.

For all of you who helped H2O out on Sunday ~ we raised around $60 for Haiti! And that was just our first try! I want to thank all of you who bought a water bottle, who gave just because, and who stopped by our table to talk! It is such a blessing to see the Body of Christ working together. I want to thank each and every one of you who have given to our missions trip and who have given to people in Haiti through H2O. It really means so much more to me than you know. God provides through people like you so that we can go on this trip and I want to thank you... And God provides for people who need it through people like you who give it! May God bless you for it!

Sometimes I just get this overwhelming sense of awe... at God and who He is and what He is doing. I do not deserve any of it. I do nothing to deserve His Grace, to deserve His blessings, to deserve a relationship with Him. And that is why it is so beautiful ~ none of it is attained by works! None of it is deserved. Life is not fair and that is the beauty of grace. I do not deserve any of this.

Lord, I am captivated. Hold me here... forever. May I never forget; May I always be in this place where I am captivated by who You are and in who You are shaping me to be. I will never do enough to repay the great debt I owe You and I will never be enough to deserve Your love. And that is why I am captivated. Even though I am not enough, You still love me and save me and draw me into a relationship with You anyway... because YOU are enough! ♥

A Change of Heart

2010-02-20T00:26:00.007-05:00

I am sitting here thinking and dreaming and wondering. Haiti has been on my mind and heart so much lately. I know that with the recent devastating earthquake, almost everyone's mind has been reverted to Haiti, even if only for a moment. However, there is a story behind this for me. I shared about it a little in previous posts, posts written about my previous missions trip to Chuuk, Micronesia. It is an interesting and bittersweet thing; an exciting and scary and wonderful piece of this amazing journey that the Lord is taking me on.

When I was in the airport in Chuuk, saying good-bye to the people who came to see us off, an interesting thing was going on inside of my heart. Yes, it was a true tug-of-war within my heart. The women and children stood in a line and handed us necklaces as our farewell gifts; Mahlie gave me mine. They asked me in anticipation, "Are you coming back next year?" All I could do was smile and say, "I want to." It was the honest truth, and yet I knew that what I wanted was not what the Lord wanted for me. There, in that small airport, on a small tropical island, the Lord was tugging at my heart and whispering into it: "Haiti, Haiti, Haiti". Haiti? I can still see the Chuukese children waving wildly from the window as I passed through security and turned around for one last moment with them, sealed with a smile. My next step was a hard one; it was one of letting go, of moving forward, of saying good-bye. I turned around and took that step.

As I sat in the small airport on one of the bright blue chairs, I began to cry. This could not be the end. God must lead me back to these people some day; perhaps I was misunderstanding God's true call. But I knew that it was no mistake and I knew that it was not a miscommunication. God was not calling me back to these children next year, to this tropical island in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, to this place where my heart fell in love with life and reckless faith ~ where my eyes were opened and where my life was changed.

It has been a long and hard and painful journey, but I have come to be okay with that. Somehow, amidst all of the times I have cried out to God to please send me back to Chuuk; to let me go to Chuuk, because I will go to Haiti too; to give me both; to let me live there again; to let me go back ~ Somehow, amidst all of this, the Lord has changed my heart. He has taught me so much of what it means to let go.

And for this, I am forever grateful. The Lord took this heart that was yearning for something else to yearn for Haiti. He turned my passions in a different direction and taught me how to fall in love with a country before I even lived there for a short time... because that is what I am going to do. I am going to live in Haiti for a short time on my next missions trip. A few months ago, I would have said this with remorse. Tonight, I am saying it with excitement.

The recent earthquake is not turning my heart away from this country. In fact, it is drawing me towards it. I feel as though there is a magnetic field between my heart and this country of Haiti, and I am being strongly drawn and attracted to it. This is only the working of the Lord, because He gave me a complete heart change for which I am thankful and excited about.

When I hear of Haiti as an "island country", it makes me smile. He is sending me back to an island. I cannot understand what the Lord is doing in my heart because it is just too big for me to grasp. I cannot fathom His great love for me because it is just too GREAT for me to wrap my mind around.

All I can say is thank You, Father... I cannot wait for the rest of this journey to unfold.

Dreaming God's Way

2010-02-17T00:00:00.011-05:00

So I don't think that I have ever written on my blog twice in the same night... but this is important. This is urgent. I did not realize it, but I let my heart stop dreaming...

My heart has forgotten how to remember and to dream in the right way. The Lord is taking me on an amazing journey and I am afraid that through the busyness of school, college classes, work, and everything in between I have forgotten. It saddens my heart beyond words. I just went back and read what I had posted when I returned from Chuuk and my heart filled with sadness and joy and my eyes filled with tears all at the same time.

The dangerous thing about this is that my heart is missing what is behind... it is yearning for it to return again and that is getting in the way of what the Lord wants for me right now.

These new eyes that the Lord has given me are hard to use. Sometimes I wish I could close them because life would be so much easier to live that way. I wouldn't know the things that I know. I wouldn't be at this place where I am continually being called out of my comfort zone. I wouldn't see America the way that I do and so my bitterness would not be so prone to rising up against my own country.

Yet it are these new eyes that are helping me to see Jesus more clearly... It are these new eyes that are helping me to know more of what it means to follow Him. It are these new eyes that are helping me to see the poor and the needy as people who need Jesus' love and as people who I want to bring it to. It are these new eyes that are helping me to fall more and more in love with Jesus and less and less in love with the things of this world.

It are these new eyes that are showing me what faith truly is.

These new eyes strain ahead even when it is easier to live in the past... They look ahead and press towards the goal that my Lord has laid out for me.

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:13-14

The Lord has set out my present in just the way that He wants it... may I always remember what He has done for me in the past; may I always remember every piece of the Journey because it reminds me and gives me a deeper perspective of His great love for me... But may I strain toward what is ahead, pressing on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. May I never forget what He has done and where He has taken me. May I never forget how to dream. May I always remember to strain ahead without looking back; to move forward with no hesitation.

May the future unfold beautifully...

It is an empty page to me, but to God it is a book of wonders written out by His own Hand.

This Journey...

2010-02-16T22:16:00.010-05:00

So I have been doing a lot of thinking lately... about life, about my future, about God, about people, about America, about my journey. God has given me new passions and new visions and it is a very exciting life living with Him. Sometimes I just can't get over how blessed I am to be able to call this God my Friend and my Savior. It is very humbling.

When I allow my heart to dream, it seems that something always comes in and tries to discourage it. Something that has really been burning on my heart lately is this: "We need missionaries in America, too; you were born here for a reason and are meant to stay here." It is something that I have been told many times by people. It is something that could discourage many plans that the Lord may one day have for me if I were to follow this.

I do not believe that this quote is true for everyone. But am I meant to stay here? Well that is a question that the Lord must answer. However, this quote fuels a fire inside of my heart whenever I hear someone say it. If everyone were to follow that, ministries would not have been started that have effected other people in countries who have never even heard the Name of Jesus. Many people who are now saved would have never been saved.

When I hear the statistics that only 2% of U.S. missionaries go to unreached people groups, my heart aches. When I hear the statistics that 95% of Christian leaders live in the U.S., my heart is set ablaze. When I hear the statistics that nearly 2 billion people have no exposure to the Gospel, my heart races. When I hear the quote, "We need missionaries in America, too; you were meant to stay here" on top of these statistics, it is hard for me to not get angry.

I think of Abraham. His journey is amazing. It is filled with such faith and obedience. God called him to a distant land... and he followed. He did not say, "But Lord! You placed me here to stay here. If you wanted me over there, You would have placed me there in the first place!" No, Abraham knew that the part of his journey in the place where God had him was over... the Lord was calling him to a new place and into a new season of life.

I think of Paul. If he would have continued on being Saul on that journey to Damascus, many people would not be saved. It is amazing to think that Paul was once a man who persecuted and murdered Christians... and then we read about him in the same Bible as one of the greatest Christian missionaries. It is amazing to think that maybe I am one of his spiritual descendants... one of the ones who was saved as a result of someone who Paul witnessed to years ago. It is exciting and it is proof that sometimes the Lord calls us to places that we once never intended to go ~ places other than those which we now call home... places that one day we will call home.

Yes, I think of people like Abraham and Paul and great missionaries and I have to question this quote: "You were meant to stay here." It is as if those words are a big sigh of relief to the one who is afraid ~ of a new place other than the one that they know and are comfortable with, of difficulty, of a hard road, of going out of their comfort zone, of leaving this place that they call home. YES, that once described me and it does describe me many times... And yes, it is true for some to stay in America as missionaries (how would our fellow Americans know about Jesus?)... But it is not fair to claim that it is true for all.

I would love to live a life with this quote as my life quote, with this as my legacy:

"Lord, You placed me here for a reason. I am to witness to those around me now. Yet it is my complete desire to follow You to wherever it is that You lead me. Whether that be a long and hard journey like those of Abraham and Paul or whether it be that You keep me here, let it be so. I just want You. I just want what You want. I was born here for a reason and I was placed on this journey for a reason; but perhaps this is not where You will always have me be. Make my heart ready for wherever it is that You want me and wipe away all of my fears. Let it be so."

The Real Problem

2010-01-14T11:13:00.006-05:00

God has been teaching me lately that I must learn to love my own people. The Americans. The ones whom I came back to this summer and were bitter towards. The ones who have turned their many blessings into curses. The ones who are absorbed in material possessions. The ones who have kicked God out of public schools. The ones who live in this society of pleasure and possessions. The ones who turn this beautiful life into a rat-race of achieving the American dream. Yes, these are the ones. These are the people I am a part of. I am one of them.

I am the problem.

Perhaps it has taken me a while to realize that. Perhaps it has taken a lot of humbling from my bitterness to come to this conclusion. I now realize that this is true. I am an American. I was born in America for a reason. As much as I yearn to get out of this society and out of this culture at times, I am here. God has placed me here "for such a time as this" (Esther 4:14). Until He leads me to another country, I am an American. I must realize this because this is the truth.

So, if I am the problem, what am I doing to solve it? Bitterness does nothing but cause hatred towards others. Pride does nothing but cause me to fall. Humbleness and surrender and love, however... These are what change things. These are what cause American hearts to soften. These are what cause the homeless of America to have hope. These are what cause the depressed and lonely ones of my city to be held in arms of love and to be comforted. These are what cause the blind ones who have no hope for anything other than what the American dream has to offer them to see what great things are in store for those "who love God and who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). These are what pierce bitterness and pride. A heart of surrender is a heart willing to give up - hopeless plans, dreams, aspirations, and desires of our own - and to pick up His for us. A heart of surrender yields a life of fulfillment. It is only when God is leading my life and when HE is the center of my life that my life means anything at all. My life is nothing except what God makes it to be. It is all about Him.

Yes, I am the problem. I must learn to love the people that God has placed around me... the Americans. My people.

Yesterday I was driving down the road and saw two little girls running down the street after school, laughing. It made me smile; it made my heart smile! These are the ones who God has placed me with. These are the people I am a part of.

Lord, show me how to love. Show me how to have an open heart to You and to these people You have placed me with. You died for them just as much as You died for me. They can have as much hope as I have. They are just as much created by You as all of those in the poverty-stricken countries. The truth is, they are also poor... You are showing me that. Some materially, but most spiritually... And by Your Grace, I am rich with Your Salvation. Thank You, Jesus! May I have the obedience and humbleness to show them YOU and Your love. Amen!

Heart on Fire

2010-01-07T00:45:00.006-05:00

My heart is on fire. What do I do with this passion? More than that, what do I do with this holy dissatisfaction? I am very, very dissatisfied. I am not satisfied with the normal life that society is offering to me. I am not satisfied with the way that many Christians are living. I want so much more than this. I was made for more than this. This normal, American life is not what I want. It is not what I need. I find it more discouraging than satisfying. I find it more boring than exciting. It is not appealing to me at all.

Something that is really firing up this passion are Christians. I am dissatisfied. I believe that Jesus asked much more of us than what we are giving. I believe that God made us for so much more than what we are living out.

When will we ever stand up? When will we ever get out of our comfortable seats and take a stand? When will we ever get out of our fancy homes and into the dark and dirty streets? When will we ever allow ourselves to mess up our "made up" American look and sit in the dirt with the least of these? When will we ever knock down the four walls of our beautiful cathedrals and welcome the "sinners" with open arms of love?

Even if it means that we are standing alone... and yet it should not be that way. We were never made to live this life alone. That is why God calls us the Body of Christ. Christians, if we are followers of God and ambassadors of Christ as we claim to be, then we must stand together! We must stand as one Body of Christ, as the Lord intended it and created it to be!

My heart is on fire. Something must be done. What do I do with this passion? I do not want to live the normal, mundane life that Americans live. If it means that the Lord sends me to another country where the normal is to have nothing, where the mundane is to go hungry... then Lord, lead me and give me strength! Or perhaps the Lord wants me to live here, in this society... Perhaps this passion can be used here. I am trying to learn to live life with open hands, with whatever it is that the Lord has for me.

Going to college out of high school, getting a successful career, getting married, having kids, buying a house, a car, saving for retirement, retiring, and dying... Is that really what the American society has to offer me? I must kindly refuse this... this is not what I was born for. This, my fellow Americans, is not what I want.

Lord, teach me more of what it means to follow You. Teach me more of what it means to see this world through Your eyes. Teach me more of what it means to live life with open hands. Teach me to follow You and to never run ahead of You. I never want to be able to look back and see Your face. Please, go ahead of me and lead me always...

A Big Dreamer with a Bit of Fear...

2010-01-03T14:17:00.006-05:00

So, it is a new year now... 2010 already! I do not believe that there are adequate words to describe the incredible journey that the Lord has taken me on this past year. I also do not believe that the journey began with the beginning of 2009 or that it closed with the end of 2009. This journey is a journey-of-a-lifetime... in every sense of the phrase! It is the most exciting endeavor I have ever pursued and I am very excited for what the Lord has for 2010! I know that there are going to be hard times, but overall I believe with all of my heart that it is going to be a good year.

Today at church my pastor's message really spoke to my heart. He was talking about how God is a God of vision. If He were not, we would not be here. The world would not be here. He would still be living in eternity, but He would not have created the world and He would not have created us. We must also have a vision - a dream! - for our lives. God didn't create us so that we could just exist. He created us to LIVE... to dream... to have vision and to carry out that vision by His strength. He created us to carry out His work. The most successful people in history have always been the ones who have had a goal, a plan, a vision, a dream... What about me?

Me... well, I am a big dreamer. I always have been and probably always will be. However, oftentimes I have been too scared to dream big. "Dream big?" the world says... "Why dream big? You need to think realistically!" Well, I believe that to dream big when serving such a faithful, possible, all-powerful God is to dream realistically. If I really believe that God is who He says He is - all-powerful, awesome, faithful - then wouldn't it be a contradiction to have little dreams and little faith while at the same time serving and following and living for God? I believe so.

Yet, there is something that easily gets in the way of that... Fear... it is an overwhelming sickness. No, more than that. It is a bondage. It is as if there are chains with "fear, fear, fear" written all over them that fasten and secure themselves tightly around hearts and souls all over the world. The fear to dream and to have big faith seems to want to quickly fasten its chains around my heart. That is how I started out the new year - fearful and afraid to dream big dreams and it left me miserable.

Thank You, Jesus, for releasing the chains!

I cannot go on living life in fear of dreaming big dreams, of living out large faith, of radically living for my King, of pursuing His life for me... To live in fear of these things suffocates and chokes my heart and I cannot live like that.

I believe with all of my heart that big dreams with big faith and an awesome God equal a life of excitement and fulfillment... a life greater than anything I could ever ask for or imagine! Great things are yet to come and great things are still to be done here!

Passion Re-Ignited

2009-12-01T23:46:00.008-05:00

Not long ago, I felt as if I were on the edge, sitting on the fence. One foot was clutched by the hand of satan, who was filling my mind with doubts and fears about this mission that the Lord had called me on. The other was ready to jump into the journey. The little spark in my heart was ready to ignite and it would take something bigger to turn it into a flame. Perhaps I was not yet ready to let go, to ignite the passion, to jump in.

The Lord is faithful. Five months ago He took me off the fence and on a journey almost 9,000 miles away that has completely changed my life. Yet that journey did not begin or end in Chuuk, Micronesia. That journey was just a small part of the big picture and the big journey that the Lord has for me.

Do I sometimes have doubts about where the Lord is sending me? Yeah, satan would love to see me back on the fence. Am I sometimes afraid? Of course. Is God bigger than all of this? Most definitely. And that is what keeps me going.

Yet I am bothered. No, disturbed. I am disturbed and distressed over America. I felt this way when I stepped foot onto American soil five months ago from being in Chuuk, Micronesia for three weeks. It was only three weeks and yet I am hurt! Bothered, distressed, crying out... Yes, I am blessed. I am truly blessed to have the freedoms that I do in this country and I thank God for them. I am so very thankful for everything that the Lord has blessed me with. However, I remember the feelings that I felt when I returned from Chuuk. I was mad at McDonald's, Wal-Mart, short skirts and shorts, tight jeans, the fashion, material things. I wanted to just give everything away. Over the past five months, it seems that that feeling has faded a little and I have enjoyed living an American lifestyle.

I don't know what has happened in the past few days, but that passion has returned. I think it may have to do with a few very great, encouraging girls that the Lord has blessed me with. I think it may have to do with a few challenges along the way. I think it may have to do with seeking the Lord and Him opening my eyes to a few things.

I am not completely sure, but I am sure that it is there. I am not sure exactly what to do with it right now, but it is there - strongly! Ultimately, America is not my home. My home is in Heaven ~ and on this journey on the way, I may live in many temporary homes. Yet it is not final... and I believe with all of my heart that the Lord has something greater! There are great things yet to come, I just know it! My heart may cry over the temporary things of this earth that pain my heart and disturb my soul, but that is just the thing... it is all temporary.

The passion is there. That is for sure. Before it starts to fade, I must feed it so that it can burn more brightly and powerfully than ever before. I must feed it with wood, with solid things. I cannot feed it with water, with those things that are liquid and changing. I must feed it with God's Word, by seeking Him, by talking with Him, by following Him where He leads.

Although where He is leading me this year is not where He led me last year, I am excited. I know that there are little boys and girls like Shawn, Ann, LuAnn, Wilson, Mahlie, Dernes, Winston, Mikey, Mykie, Welson, Jerlyn and Ervian all over the world... and even here in America.

"Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead. Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go..."
~"Albertine", Brook Fraser

God of This City

2009-11-17T23:59:00.016-05:00

There is a battle waging within me. I am torn. The Lord has given me an answer about where He is calling me to be next summer, and it does not match up with my desires. And yet I knew when I was saying good-bye to the Chuukese in the airport... when little Shawn whispered to me, "Remember"... when Mahlie handed me a necklace as a farewell gift... when they stood in a line as we said good-bye and asked me if I was going to come back next summer. I knew it as I smiled and waved to the children who were waving wildly to us through the window. I walked on, trying hard to be strong... but as I sat in the small airport, I just broke.

Something wasn't right and I felt unsettled. I was never going to see those children again? It didn't seem real. It didn't seem as though things were settled. I didn't think that God was done with me there yet. I miss it. I miss it all. I desire to go back there so badly... yet I knew then and I know now that God is calling me somewhere else this summer. Why? Every time that I think about it and every time that doubts fill my mind, God reminds me to just trust Him... and to follow Him.

We all have our stories of God's faithfulness to us. One of mine involves a song ~ "God of This City". As I sit here and listen to it right now, it brings so many thoughts and memories and moments to my mind and to my heart.

"You're the God of this city, You're the King of this people, You're the Lord of this nation... You are. You're the light in this darkness, You're the hope to the hopeless, You're the peace to the restless, You are. There is no one like our God. There is no one like our God. For greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done in this city... Greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done here."

This song was played in the Kurassa Hotel room on Jen's laptop one day in Chuuk. I smiled, knowing that great things were going to be done in Chuuk and that great things were happening, not only in Chuuk but in my heart and in my life.

It was during this song that I raised my hands in surrender to God and to "this city". "Lord, wherever 'this city' is for me next summer is where I want to be," was the cry of my heart. It was during this song that God set me free and it was during this song that, by God's grace, I let go of Chuuk. After this song and after the worship service that I was at where we sang this song, I felt like a new person. I no longer had a desire to go back to Chuuk because I just wanted whatever God had for me.

Three different times now, this song has come on the radio right after or during a time where I was doubting where God is calling me. One time I was actually having a conversation about my doubts, when this song pierced my thoughts. It is as if it is God's way of reminding me of all of the things that happened this summer, of the time when I let go of my desires, of the life-changing experience that God led me on, and of the life-changing journey that He is leading me on.

It is as if God loosened the chains and I have tightened them again. Last year I was terrified of where God was calling me; this year I am yearning to go back. Last year I thought it was impossible for me to go to Chuuk; this year I know that it is possible for me to go to where God is calling me, and yet my desires are not quite lined up with His. Last year I was hesitant to go; this year I am hesitant about what it is that God has for me and where He is calling me to go. Last year when I signed up for Chuuk I thought that I was signing my life away. This year, I believe that every step I take to follow Christ is another step in signing my life away ~ to the One who can take it and change it and make it useful for His Glory... to the One who gives it purpose and meaning... And because of Him, great things are going to be done. There are greater things still to be done here. And until I breathe my last breath, He is not finished with my life.

Lord, may every breath I take and every move I make be pleasing in Your sight. May my life and the way that I live it bring You honor and glory and praise.

"Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty, who was, and is, and is to come." (Revelation 4:8)

May that be the heartcry of my life as long as I live it. I know that greater things have yet to come and greater things are still to be done... may I believe it deep in my heart so that I can live out this life that You have set before me with not only a willingness, but a passion and a joy and an excitement that can only come when I am living for you and with You...

Hidden Beauty

2009-10-30T23:56:00.004-04:00

A complete, colorful double rainbow stretched across the deep blue ocean and over the dark islands in the distance. The white sandy beach next to the lush, deep green of the grass stood in breath-taking contrast. The aftermath of the near typhoon moved the leaves of the palm trees and they swished in the breeze. The small boat speeding over the vast waters of the ocean under the bow of the rainbow completed the scene and I stood in silent awe. It was a painting airbrushed across the sky to perfection as only God can do. This was Chuuk, Micronesia, a group of islands in the middle of nowhere in the Pacific Ocean. This was Weno, the main island of the islands. Even more beautiful than the scenery was something else, something easily overlooked, and something easily missed.

I had the honor of going to one of the outer islands, Parem, for five days. It was a beautiful, very primitive, tropical island. One night, I stood at the shore of the clear waters of the ocean as the sun began to set behind the distant islands. The sky and the clouds were at first a soft, fluffy pink. The sky then turned full of vibrant reds and oranges, as if the distant islands were ablaze with a dangerous fire. Then, as if it only wanted to intimidate and show off its glory for a brief time, the sky then turned soft once again as the last ray of sunlight flashed itself behind the islands in the distance. It was a gorgeous sight, unlike any other.
Early one morning, I awoke to the most beautiful sunrise I have ever witnessed. I walked onto the white balcony overlooking the small town of the main island. The ocean was right beyond the palm trees that stood aright in the still morning air. The sun shone right through these palm trees, highlighting them and painting a beautiful scene. I could only stand in awe and with a smile say, “Thank You, God.” It was a portrait painted for me by my Savior and I could not help but stand in awe.

Beyond the beautiful, breath-taking scenery of these islands is something even more beautiful. It is something that simple passersby will never see and something that many people do not take the time to notice. It is the people who live there. I still remember the faces of many of them vividly. I can see them even more vividly than I can see the colorful rainbow or the bright sunrise or the vibrant sunset. The dark, beautiful complexions of these islanders only highlight the true beauty of their hearts. I came back to America feeling as though I live in a poor nation who has turned all of its blessings of wealth and prosperity into a curse of dread and depression. The joy reverberating from the hearts of these people surpassed all of their dirty, poverty-stricken homes and towns.

I went to these islands with the intention of helping the children learn basic English and to teach them of the love that Jesus has for each and every one of them. And while I did help out with that, it seems the situation got completely turned around. On those beautiful, primitive, tropical islands I got taught some very important lessons by small island children. Walking hand-in-hand through the mountains of the island with a little girl, I was taught how to love. Playing with the children on the beach of the outer island, I was taught how to laugh genuinely and straight from the heart. Throwing a Frisbee with a little girl, time passing away, I was taught how to live and to enjoy life. Yes, I am sure that there is nothing more beautiful about these tropical Pacific islands than the people who live there.

Love Notes from God

2009-10-20T22:57:00.010-04:00

So I was listening to the radio today and the speaker on was talking about what a letter from Jesus might sound like. I loved what he was saying and decided that I would write my own. Before I write this, I just want to say that I am in no way trying to put words in God's mouth. I would never want to do that to my Holy God. It is just something that I was thinking about and wanted to share.

Note: "Agape" is a Greek word for "love" meaning "self-sacrificing". It is a self-sacrificial love.
----------

Dear Child,

I love you. I saw you walking with your friends today. You were laughing as if you had no care in the world. When will you let Me join you? I miss you. I wanted to let you know how much I love you, so I sent you a sunset last night. It was beautiful. It had the most vibrant reds and oranges in it. You didn't notice it, though. You seemed to be busy with your studies and with everything else going on last night. I wish that you would "make a date" with Me, though, like you do with your friends. I just want to spend time with you.

I tried again this morning to show you how much I love you by sending you a beautiful sunrise. I sent it as a reminder of My promise in Lamentations 3:22-23 that My mercies are new every morning and that they will not fail... But you woke up too late to see it and rushed off to school and work and play. When will you see Me?

I sent you a beautiful blue sky today, but you didn't take much time to look up to even see it. And when you did, you never did notice it. I also sent you rain today to water your land. You didn't think of it that way and instead complained about it. The beautiful rainbow that I painted in the sky after the rain you did not even see because you had been complaining about the rain. It was even full of your favorite colors, sketched to perfection as only I can do. And I did it for you... because I love you.

There you go... where are you going, Child? I miss you. Please draw near to Me for I desperately long to draw near to you (James 4:8). Do you never hear Me in the quiet whisper of the wind that is blowing past your face? Do you never see Me in the morning sunshine? Do you not ever taste and see that I am good (Psalm 34:8)?

Or are you looking for something more? Was not My quiet birth in the animal stable or My death on the cross not enough for you? I gave you all that I have. Why will you not give yourself back to Me? I want what is best for you and I would love more than anything for you to free yourself of everything else so that I can give you what I have for you.

I know that there are many people in the world who have hurt you with false promises. My promises stand and have stood always and will stand forever. I am faithful (Hebrews 10:23) and I love you with a love that no person has ever shown you or has the capacity to show you. I want to show you that love. When will you notice it?

And when will you stop calling me "the Lord" and "the Savior" and start genuinely calling me "my Lord" and "my Savior"? I long to hear it from your heart.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Please come to Me, Child. I long to give you the rest that you desperately desire and need. Give Me all your burdens. Yes, just lay them down at the foot of My Cross, where they belong.

Agape Love,
Jesus

Audience of One

2009-09-28T23:29:00.002-04:00

I come on my knees

To lay down before You

Bringing all that I am

Longing only to know You

Seeking Your face

And not only Your hand

I find you embracing me

Just as I am

To my Audience of One

You are Father, and You are Son

As Your Spirit flows free,

Let it find within me

A heart that beats to praise You.

And now just to know You more

Has become my great reward

To see Your kingdom come

And Your will be done

I only desire to be Yours, Lord.

"Audience of One" ~Big Daddy Weave

A Consuming Fire

2009-09-17T00:04:00.007-04:00

"Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that He made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."
-Deuteronomy 4:23-24

Challenge: Is there anything in my life that I have allowed to become an idol, anything that I have allowed to get in the way of mine and Christ's relationship, anything that has replaced my love for the Lord, anything that has caused me to not give over even a small part of my heart or of my plans, anything that is consuming my passion other than Him, anything that is causing our relationship to not be intimate? If so, am I willing to get rid of the idol?

Never Give Up

2009-09-10T00:17:00.008-04:00

"Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope. You're gonna do great things. I already know God's got His hand on you so don't live life in fear. Forgive and forget but don't forget why you're here. Take your time and pray and be thankful for each day."

-Sidewalk Prophets "Words I Would Say"

My Mission is Home

2009-09-01T23:10:00.009-04:00

Could I want a good thing so much, yet find out that it's not a God thing? I think that I know the answer to that question that has been swirling around through my mind lately.

Chuuk and the people of it have continually been on my heart. I feel as though I would go back in a heartbeat ~ and give up any of my "material comforts" here in America to go back and spend time with those people and those children again.

Saying good-bye was one of the hardest parts of the entire trip...

And looking back at the pictures, at the memories, at the seashells that the children gave to me when we played on the beach, at the necklace that Mahlie gave me, at the smiles on the kids' faces... Looking back at all of that seems to be even harder than saying good-bye.

However, God has been teaching me that through all of this I could easily become selfish. If it were up to me, I would go back to Chuuk in a heartbeat!

However, God obviously wants me here for a reason... right here and right now! I shouldn't question the Will of God or sit back and wait until it all makes sense. I shouldn't question the ways of my Sovereign God. And I should not wish that I was somewhere else than where God wants me now. And obviously, right now, my mission is home.

I can be thankful for the opportunity that He gave me and I can thank Him for the time that He gave me with the children in Chuuk.

And I can be thankful for where He has me right now. I can use this passion that He has placed in my heart for the place that He has me in right now.

Maybe He wants me to go back or maybe He wants me somewhere else. Right now I know that He wants me here. And it is my prayer that I come to accept wholeheartedly and with joy every part of His Plan for my life!

Lead me to the cross,
Where Your love poured out
And bring me to my knees,
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself, I belong to You
Oh, lead me to Your heart
~Lead Me to the Cross

A Suffocating Soul in a Dry and Barren Land

2009-08-29T20:15:00.005-04:00

As you can see, I've decided to change my blog around a bit... and have decided to be a little more honest with it. I get a lot of inspiration from Katie's blog(http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/) and encourage you to go there and read her words.

It seems as though there are way too many things on my mind and on my heart to even begin writing it out. It has been almost a month since I walked off the airplane from being in Chuuk, Micronesia (8,000 miles away from home) onto the soil of America. There really don't seem to be words to describe how I felt about this. I was exhausted from the long hours of traveling, yet excited to see my family waiting for me in the airport.

I think it is just now hitting me that the trip is over ~ the long nights on the beach playing with the children, the great hospitality of the people of this small island, a little girl named Jerlyn teaching me Chuukese words and phrases, long hours of camps playing games, making crafts, teaching them Bible stories, teaching them English, the dance lessons from the children and adults in the church's pavilion, the love and gratefulness of the people...

America is different and for many weeks I experienced a culture shock. The clothes worn by teenage girls in America were so different from the long, beautiful, hand-made skirts worn by the women in Chuuk. The gratefulness and hospitality of the people of Chuuk puts to shame our stingy, ungrateful and selfish hearts. I suppose my eyes have never been opened this much.

We are a blind and complacent country. I am speaking to myself, and it saddens my heart. It is as if my soul is suffocating in this dry and barren land.

I can still see the children as they reached their little hands into the cooler to get out a bottle of water or whatever was available. There was one day where we had no water at all. I didn't hear a complaint from any of the children on the hot, exhausting day.

I can still see the big smile on Jerlyn's face as, another day, she carried my water bottle on our entire two-hour hike through the mountains of the island, joyfully. After asking her if she would like me to carry it or if she would like any of it, she said with a big smile, "No" and continued to walk beside me, hand-in-hand.

I can still see her sweet face as she tried to teach me words in her native language... "Now you say..." and she would tell me a phrase and ask me to repeat it. She was very patient with me and laughed joyfully at my mistakes.

I can still see Shawn, Mahlie, Winston, Welson, Wilson, Stevee, Esra, and the others as they played with us on the beach ~ joyfully and without a care in the world... as the sun began to set behind the distant islands and the sky turned a vibrant red, then softer, then dark.

I can still see the joy and excitement in little LuAnn's eyes as she saw me and sang out, "Molly, Molly!" I can still see the love in little Ann's eyes and the joy in Ervian's.

When I come back to America and all I can see is the true poverty of our hearts ~ the dry, yet content, state of the way that we are living... I experience an intense battle in my heart. I do not want to live like this. And I believe with all my heart that I don't have to.

Those children taught me what it really means to love... What it really means to live life with passion... What it really means to laugh with genuine joy.

I don't believe that I could have ever blessed or changed their lives as much as they have blessed and changed mine.

And I believe with all my heart that there are great things still to be done ~ here and anywhere that the Lord leads me... and you.

"I can do everything through Him Who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13

Nothing is Impossible

2009-08-10T23:01:00.005-04:00

So it's been quite a while since I've updated... but God has been teaching me so, so much lately! As Sanctus Real's song, "Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly)" quotes:

"Whatever You're doing inside of me,
It feels like chaos, yet somehow there's peace.
And though it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
I'm giving into something heavenly."

God has been teaching me so much about myself lately. It is a very painful and stretching process, but yet at the same time I know that there is no other worthwhile way to live then to live striving to bring honor to God and His Holy Name.

I just recently came back from a three-week long missions trip about 8,000 miles away from home. As I write that, I almost can't believe my own written words. I would have never, ever, ever even considered doing something like that! Ever! I had so many fears before leaving that I thought were going to take me over... I felt like giving up and deciding not to go. I knew, though, that God had called me on a Mission ~ and I didn't want to miss it. Looking back, I am so glad that I went and answered the Call. It was probably three of the most stretching and draining weeks of my life, but I would so do it all over again.

I didn't come back on a spiritual high. I didn't come back feeling as though I had just had a mountaintop experience. I felt drained - emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I had a lot to process and, at first, I was too tired to even try to process it all. I am still processing everything and God is still teaching me things from it.

One thing He has been teaching me is that nothing is impossible. He asked me to do something impossible for me to do ~ so that He could show me how possible He is! He is awesome! He has been showing Himself to me lately in so many ways... and I think it's because my eyes are opened more to Him. It is so easy to fall into complacency and the rat-race of this culture and become blinded to Him and His Beauty and His beautiful plan and design! When I come to understand even a small part of it, it blows me away. Plain and simple, He is just awesome!

God has huge plans for each and every one of us. All we have to do is follow them. The road may be hard, but it is all so much more than worth it. There is always, always something to learn and no one is perfect... but living life for Christ is just unexplainable... Getting to know Him is just beautiful... Letting Him teach you things about yourself is a challenge, but very humbling... Living life on the straight and narrow is hard, because it's easy to get off balance ~ but nothing -NOTHING - can separate you from the Father's Love... and falling in love with the Father is unexplainable. I don't deserve to be able to get to know Him, but He loves us so much that He even wants to get to know us! It's just not comprehendable for me... but I suppose I don't need to completely understand God's Will to follow it! If so, I could be sitting around for quite a while, waiting around for every last detail to fall into place!

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
-Romans 8:38-39

"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:13

Could you imagine what this world would be like if we all really, truly believed that?

Learning to Submit Control

2009-05-26T22:43:00.005-04:00

God has been continually showing me so much about myself lately. It seems to all go back to this one thing. To be blunt, I am a control freak and it is a horrible thing.

I seem to quickly acquire this mindset of doing things "my way and in my time" whenever something goes wrong or whenever something needs done. Add to that my somewhat obsessive personality of setting my mind to something and needing to see it through, and you see how horrible of a thing this can be. I seem to neglect the things that are really important because my mind is consumed with less important, sometimes worthless, things that I seem to think I need control over. And I wonder why I can't make simple decisions very quickly...

Perhaps the underlying problem of all of these "little" problems is my control. And that is exactly the problem - "my" control. The truth is, I have no control. I have no control over my next breath, let alone changing the world.

It is true that I have high dreams and aspirations, but if I am unwilling to yield control over to God (or better said, let Him have the control He already has as God) then those dreams and those plans will never come to be in God's way. I want God's dreams for my life and I want those dreams to be carried out God's way. So if I really want this, then why is it so hard for me to let go of "my" control?

God has been reminding me through this of the correlation between Christ and the Church and the husband and wife relationship. If I cannot submit to God in the little things now, then how am I ever going to submit to my future husband? Just because I make a committment to a man does not mean that all of my control problems will go away. If anything, they could become even bigger if I don't cultivate a submissive heart in myself... beginning now.

Behind all of this is a fear - a fear of submitting control and not knowing what will happen as a result. It is a fear that can easily entangle minds and hearts and leave people living less-than-holy lives as they live them their way, in their time. It is sometimes not until something happens in our lives that is truly not in our control that we realize we really have control over nothing when it comes right down to it. And sometimes, we never learn.

I want to be one who not only learns of my problem with control, but learns how to deal with it. And I don't want to just learn how to deal with it, but I want to learn how to cultivate a submissive heart. I think that one of the most beautiful things is a woman with a willingly submissive heart. No, not one who lets anyone and everyone walk all over her. Not one who offers submission blindly and not one who silently suffers an abusive relationship.

God's Word does not view submission as a weakness, yet rather as the divine plan of God.

"Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless."
-Ephesians 5:24-27

My little sister asked me today who President Obama is. After telling her that he is the leader of our country, she sincerely said, "I thought God was". What a lesson to learn from a child and how right she is! Now if only I would allow Him to be the leader of my life... and in every area cultivating a submissive heart in the right way, beginning now.

Life - Beautiful or a Huge Mistake?

2009-05-22T00:15:00.008-04:00

Life is definitely a special gift that God has given each and every one of us. He has also given us the bittersweet gift of freewill along with the gift of life. Bitter, because we often make choices that dishonor our Holy God. Sweet, because we have the ability to choose between right and wrong.

Life is such an unpredictable reality. It is something that a lot of times we do not know how to use properly. It is something that we sometimes wonder the purpose of. It is something that can end at any given time. And it is something beautiful that was given to us by the Holy, Almighty God.

"...the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being."
-Genesis 2:7

We only have life because God breathed it into the first man!

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."
-Genesis 1:27

We are created in the image of God!

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:13-14

God created us and knit us in our mother's womb. And He did not just throw something together and call it "good enough". He carefully shaped and knit us into wonderful creations, created in His very image.

We are sinners before birth, yet Jesus died for us so that during this lifetime we can accept His free gift of Salvation. Because of His life, we have a Perfect example. Because of His death, we are offered Salvation. Because of His Resurrection, we have hope in a beautiful eternity with Him.

Yes, we are dirty, detestable people because we are all sinners, no matter what we have or have not done. Yes, we deserve unquenchable wrath and destruction. We were born enemies of God. However, we have hope:

"...God our Savior, who wants all men to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all men—the testimony given in its proper time."
-1 Timothy 2:3b-6

God desires that we all are saved and come to a knowledge of the truth. Jesus is the mediator between God and us so that we do not have to experience eternal damnation and wrath for our sins. It was all poured on Jesus Christ so that those who accept Him and ask Him for forgiveness will be able to be seen as righteous before God, through Jesus Christ.

What a beautiful, beautiful portrayal of Love. And what an incredible reason to live this life for the glory of the One who lived and died for me and for all of us.

I guess the value of life all depends on our perspectives - we either view ourselves as being born as mistakes or we acknowledge the fact that we were born beautiful creations of the Almighty. And that perspective, along with whether or not we have accepted His gift of Salvation, greatly effects the way that we live our lives. And all because of One, we have hope.

Learning More & More Every Day...

2009-05-18T23:38:00.003-04:00

Well, I have been learning quite a lot lately. God taught me some more about perseverance over the weekend... and not just perseverance, but perseverance with the right attitude. I seem to miss that part sometimes! He also taught me the value of family and spending time with them. Sunday was my little sister's birthday and I am just so thankful to God for her!

Evangelism
In Sunday School my teacher is using material from "Way of the Master" from Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron as the material for the class. Sunday morning my eyes were opened to quite a lot. Charles E. Hackett says, "A soul at the altar does not generate much excitement in some circles because we realize approximately ninety-five out of every hundred will not become integrated into the church. In face, most of them will not return for a second visit." Why is this? A huge reason is because they are receiving the wrong Gospel. A lot of them receive the Gospel message of "Accept Christ and your life will be filled with love, joy, peace, and lasting fulfillment!" And then when they face trials and hardships, they "throw off" their faith because it is not what they were told it was or what they expected it to be. The truth is, God offers us Salvation because of His perfect Sacrifice on the Cross - Jesus Christ. We have broken His law, and therefore we should be condemned. However, through Jesus Christ, we can be saved from the wrath that we deserve and restore our friendship with the Almighty. What an amazing truth! It is so sad that people are teaching and being taught a thwarted Gospel. It is our job as followers of Christ to obey Him and teach others the true message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ (Matthew 28:19-20).

Truth
My pastor's sermon was on Truth and more specifically, on absolute truth. He elaborated on twelve points of absolute truth in this culture today (despite its claim of relative truth) that were eye-opening:

-You can't know what is just unless you know what is unjust.
-We know intuitively that some things and people are better than others.
-We treasure progress and say that some things are getting better. How do we know what is "better" if we have no absolutes and no standards?
-Everything can't be relative. We'd have no standard or reference point.
-Moral disputes demand an objective standard outside of the dispute. There must be a moral objective standard. We don't invent laws (scientific, mathematical, spiritual, etc.); we discover them.
-Universal moral guilt shows that there's truth in a universal moral law.
-Why do we choose duty over instinct if there are no moral absolutes?
-Why do we all find some things evil?
-The same basic moral codes are found all over the world.
-Truth transcends culture.
-Beliefs cannot change a fact, no matter how sincere. You can be sincerely wrong.
-Being raised in a given culture or belief system doesn't make those beliefs true.

It is obvious that Truth does exist. To say, "Everything is relative" is contradictory. Whoever made that statement is implying that they believe in absolutes; they have stated an "absolute" statement. Our world today may claim to believe in relative truth ("what you believe is true for you, but not for me") but it lives as though it believes in absolute truth. It is contradictory and makes it even more clear that Truth does exist.

As my pastor said, "We're not here to wrap the culture around Jesus. We're here to wrap Jesus around the culture and change it for His glory."

Identity
Tonight I lead Bible Study on identity. I challenged myself and the girls to think about where we place our identities and then to imagine that thing being stripped away from us. Where does that leave us then? If our identity is in anything but God, it is fleeting. God is the only One who does not change and who will never be taken away from us if we have accepted Him as our Savior. So, who am I?

Am I:
What I do? What happens when I fail or when what I am striving to accomplish does not work out the way that I had anticipated?
What I look like? Beauty is fleeting; what then?
Who I know? What happens when they move on or when they let me down?
The fleeting pleasures of this world? How long will those "pleasures" last and do they offer anything more than temporary satisfaction?

We will live according to where we have placed our identities.

We will:
~Strive after it
~Live for it
~Pursue it
~Be passionate about it
~Consume our minds and lives with it

Why wouldn't we? It is our identity! Exodus 20:3 tells us to have no other gods before God. Have I created other "gods" in my life that I place my trust and my identity in? They will only fail me. There is only one God. And when I place my identity and my trust in Christ and in Christ alone, I will find true life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."
-John 10:10

Satan is our identity thief. Jesus is our Life Giver. And Jesus has come that we may have life, and have it to the full!

After honestly asking myself this question, I realized that I have placed my identity in things that I would have never thought that I would. After honestly searching my heart, I realize that I have placed my identity in the wrong things without even realizing it.

Only God can give Life. And He is the only one who will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6)!

Living Life in the Hands of THE Life

2009-05-14T23:50:00.003-04:00

Well, I didn't post last night, but yesterday, once again, I learned some things from Life Action. Ryan Loveing was talking about how the future of our nation and the future of our churches are in the hands of my generation. He had all of the youth in the congregation stand up to emphasize the truth that the future is in our hands. That definitely made me think about what I am doing while I am here to further God's Kingdom and what kind of legacy I am leaving behind. Do I truly realize the impact that I have - either good or bad - on humanity? I may be a single life, but a single life - when serving and following and obeying God - can and will go a long way.

Wesley was talking a lot about forgiveness to the youth last night. He was saying that forgiveness is a choice, not an emotion... And that is why we can forgive in spite of it hurting us and in spite of any emotions we may feel. He was saying that we can never be more like Jesus when we choose to forgive and we can never be less like Jesus when we choose not to forgive.

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'"
-Matthew 18:21,22

Jesus doesn't say: "Forgive, except for this..." or "Forgive, but if she does this...". Jesus says to forgive much! How willing am I to forgive someone who has hurt me in a huge way? How willing am I to confront someone to sincerely ask for forgiveness? How willing am I to push past my pride of worrying about them thinking that I am admitting to being right when they are "obviously wrong"? The truth is, it doesn't matter if they are 99% in the wrong! Jesus cares about my 1% and I must choose to humbly seek reconciliation and forgiveness.

Today was their last day here, so tonight some of us and some of them got to spend time together before they left. It is sad to see them go, but it was great to have them back again!

It seems that today I learned how to live out some of the things that God has been teaching me lately. I had a really great day and I am excited to be living life knowing THE Life... and to be living it in His Hands.

"...to the only wise God be glory forever through Jesus Christ! Amen."
-Romans 16:27

Learning the True Gift of Singleness

2009-05-12T22:50:00.006-04:00

Tonight at Life Action the guys and girls split up. The guys stayed with Wesley to talk about Biblical Masculinity and the girls went with Margo and Sarah to talk about purity. It was really encouraging to be able to talk with them. They brought in a dozen roses and with one of them Sarah tore the petals off one by one as we listed off different ways that we can give pieces of our heart away or that can mess with our emotions. Flirting, Facebook, texting, our thoughts, fantasizing, movies, music, holding hands... The list can go on and on because for one girl certain love songs can cause her to fantasize while another girl can listen to them and not be effected at all. It all depends on the girl and we know what causes us to stumble. As the rose began to lose most of its petals, Sarah asked us the question, "On your wedding day, do you want to give your husband something that looks like this? Or do you want to give him a full, beautiful rose?" I loved how they made the correlation between the rose and my heart.

Margo talked a lot about how the single years should not be taken for granted, because I will never get them back. I should set goals for my single years because I am more free to serve God in these years than I will be if I get married. My ministry will be totally different and my life will change in marriage. These single years bring great opportunities and I can't wait to see what God has in store.

I think the biggest thing that I learned tonight was something that was very freeing to me. Margo was talking about making up a list of the qualities that we want in our future husbands. She suggested that we make up a list of everything - physical traits, personality, qualities, what kinds of things you would want to do together one day, etc. Now this is something that I have been skeptical about. There are people who say that I can't do that, I'm looking for a perfect guy, I'll never find him, You can't give pieces of your heart away - the Bible doesn't talk about that, Your standards are too high... I began to believe those words. It wasn't until many reflections back on those conversations and many talks with God that I realized how wrong those words were. If a guy comes along and tells me that I should lower my standards because they are too unrealistic, then that guy does not respect me. I am free to be the young woman that God has created me to be. I am not living for guys - I am living for God. I am not even living for my future husband... There may not even be one in store for me. If God blesses me with one, then great! And if not, then I know that He will have other great things in store for me.

God has placed such an excitement and a joy and a peace in my heart that I cannot explain or contain. HE is the greatest lover of the universe. HE should be my focus. HE is all that I will ever need. A marriage relationship is a reflection of the relationship between the Bride (God's people) and God Himself. The purpose of marriage is to reflect that relationship and to serve one other. My single years are a great gift to be used for His glory - not to seek out or be anxious about guys.

God is all that I need and I am free to be who He has made me to be! What a freeing and exciting thought with great possibilities behind it!

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 4:23

Learning to Live... Knowing The Life!

2009-05-11T23:47:00.008-04:00

Well, Life Action seems to again be proving challenging for a lot of people at my church, including me. I know that there are things that I need to change in my life. Being around different people who have the same goal and are serving and worshiping God with their lives is such an encouragement. It pushes me to want to get out of the routine that I can so easily fall into and serve God in ways that I've never done before.

Wesley was talking a lot about relationships tonight. Something he said that caught my attention was the phrase that if I am not content being single, then I am never going to be content with a boyfriend or a husband. I will always have that discontent and then look to other things to try to make me content. Being a single young woman, this phrase grabbed my attention. Am I truly content with being single right now? If I am not content with where God has me in the different seasons of this life that God has given me, then I will not be content somewhere else. Maybe for a little while, but it won't last. I will only find true fulfillment and satisfaction in life when I am living it for God - when I am following His plans and His dreams for my life and not my own.

He also brought up the point that I must be the kind of girl that the kind of guy that I want will want to pursue. In other words, am I the kind of girl that a Godly guy will one day want to pursue and value? I cannot ask of a guy what I am not willing to give in return. Relationships are not 50-50. They are 100%. There is no meeting halfway. I must take care of my part (which is 100%), even if it costs me my "rights", which I do not have anyway.

Life living in His hands definitely brings great joy. Yeah, there is a cost. No, it's not always easy. It's hard sometimes. Yet I know the Way - why would I ever try to find Someone or something else? I know the Truth - why would I ever want to walk away from Him? I know Life! And I don't deserve Him!

It is a great honor, really, for the Holy Spirit to convict me of things in my life that need to be changed. God does not just let me "sit on a shelf" or "discard" of me after I make mistakes. He lovingly and sometimes persistently knocks at my heart and reveals to me what I need to change. It is a painful process sometimes, but the end result is indescribable. God Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, the Greatest Lover of the universe, the Holy One... wants to change me.

Am I resisting it? Or am I willingly and obediently responding to the Lord's prompting on my heart to change what needs to be changed?

"But even if you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So don't worry or be afraid of their threats. Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear. Then if people speak against you, they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ."
-1 Peter 3:14-16

Learning...

2009-05-10T22:56:00.005-04:00

Well, I learned a lot today. A group called Life Action is back at our church for four days this week. They came last year and I was so challenged by their messages. This morning Ryan Loveing was talking about the legacy that we are going to leave behind. All of us are going to leave a legacy - but what kind? I want to leave a legacy of love. I don't want to be remembered for myself and everything that I have done. Rather, I want to be remembered as someone that Christ shone through and who showed His love to everyone. I want my life to be used for His glory. I want to "live a life that will be missed"; yet not for me, only for God. I don't want to live a life speaking one thing yet living another way. Am I living a life before God and others that speaks His Name? What kind of a legacy am I leaving?

"Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever."
-1 Corinthians 9:24,25

Wesley Chambers, the youth leader, was talking about a lot of different things this morning and tonight. A few things really grabbed my attention and made me think. One of those things was value. What do I value? The things that I value will take my time, my energy, and my efforts. I will give my love to those things which I value most. Am I allowing anything in my life to be of greater value to me than God and my relationship with Him? It is a painful thought when I answer it honestly.

Something else that stuck out to me was "big cost vs. complete loss". Following Jesus does cost a lot and He tells us to count the cost (Luke 14:28-33) before we choose to follow Him. He wants our all and He wants us to give up everything (Luke 14:33) so that He can give us the best life that He has for us (John 10:10).

"Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.'"
-Luke 9:23,24

"What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?"
-Mark 8:36

Am I willing to give up everything so that I don't lose even more - my soul? It is either a big cost or a complete loss and it is my choice. It all comes down to life vs. death. And whether I know it or not, I choose either one of them by the way that I live. There is no way around it because eternity is a reality.

Am I a servant of Christ or a slave of my desires? Am I a willing servant of Christ and an obedient, willing slave of righteousness (Romans 6:16)? Or am I a slave of my desires, which lead me into bondage and death? It is my choice...

Learning to Have One Focus

2009-05-09T23:16:00.007-04:00

Today God taught me something that He has been trying to teach me for a long time. I hope that I get it this time. I learned today that a lot of times I fill my life with things that are not important, that are unnecessary, and that take my focus off of the things that are the most important. This, too, goes along with everything else that God has been teaching me lately.

The "things" in my life can keep me from serving God and others, from loving Him and others genuinely, from tapping into the power of the Holy Spirit to do great things for God, and from persevering toward the things that God has for me. A lot of times I miss what He has for me because I am too busy looking for it.

Today I realized, once again, that I need to re-prioritize my life and let God be number one again. In the midst of trying to serve Him with all of these "things", I have neglected my relationship with Him. It has caused me to become stressed, exhausted, and burnt out. Only in Jesus Christ can I be refreshed. And oh, how grateful I am for that!

I need to learn to place my focus in the right place: on the One who lived and died to reconcile me to the Father. And I need to learn to keep it there.

My time, my energy, my emotions, my spiritual gifts, my talents, and my relationships should all be used for God's glory. If I am filling my life up with things that "hinder" my relationship with God and everything that He has for me to do on this earth, then I am wasting my life.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
-Acts 20:24

My life is not even my own (1 Corinthians 6:19). Why try to live like it is?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us."
-Hebrews 12:1

If I focus on Christ, everything else will fall into place as I wait on Him and actively seek His will. This may mean I must give up some things that seem "important" to me or move on from something good to pursue what is best. However, I know that it will be worth it. A life focused on the Father is never a wasted life.

Learning to Persevere

2009-05-08T23:33:00.005-04:00

Today God taught me a lot about perseverance....

"You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised."
-Hebrews 10:36

This goes along with everything else that God has been teaching me - the immeasurable power of the Holy Spirit inside of me to accomplish the impossible, how to serve Him and others even when I don't feel like it, and how to love Him and others genuinely.

1 Corinthians 13:7 says of love, "It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

This journey with Christ is worth every step. Persevere! He is all that I have and all that I need when it comes right down to it... and when challenges and discouragements come, I need to persevere with His strength. It is all for the Kingdom of God and for His glory!

Learning to Serve

2009-05-07T22:58:00.006-04:00

I learned today that serving Christ is often done through the "little" things that often get overlooked - like spending time with family, going out of your way to do things that no one else will know about, investing your time, energy, and emotions in the lives of friends and family, doing things for others that you don't necessarily "feel" like doing, etc. These things don't go unnoticed because God knows about them and that is more than enough. I have to ask myself what my motives truly are when I do something for somebody; am I motivated out of selfish ambition or a love for others and for God? Do I live to serve and please the Father? And an even harder question than that is do I live to please God, while still a little part of me lives to please others? If so, then I really should evaluate my heart's motives and intentions. If I am doing anything out of selfish ambition - whether I am "serving God" or not - then how can it please Him?

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."
-Matthew 6:1

God is also teaching me that if He is calling me to serve Him in a certain area, then I am not too young or too unqualified to serve Him in that area. Philippians 4:13 says that, "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength." That "Him" is the Holy Spirit who is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20).

Charles Stanley's devotion actually reminded me of this, at a time when I really needed to hear it today:

What is God calling you to do that is "far more abundantly" beyond all that you think you can achieve? Stop making excuses and get to work! Within you lies untapped potential--not your own strength and abilities, but the Holy Spirit's unlimited might. His power will be unleashed in response to your acting on faith.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20,21

Who is HE?

2009-05-06T22:10:00.003-04:00

So, what have I learned today? One thing I've learned is the discouragement from the Enemy that seems to always come when you are willing to obey and learn from Christ. It seems to never fail - yet neither does Christ's love. That is one of the most comforting and humbling truths! I am so forever grateful that God's love never fails me. First Corinthians 13:8 says that "love never fails". God is love and God never fails.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."
-1 John 4:16

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."
-1 John 4:8

Those verses just make me think "wow"... And God is not only love, but He is holy. His holiness encompasses every attribute of Him. His love is a Holy Love. He is so perfect and awesome!

Something else that made me think today is a devotion that I read from Charles Stanley. He was talking about how he used to consider the Holy Spirit an "it" - until a doctoral student at the seminary he was attending directed him towards verses in Scripture that made Charles Stanley realize how wrong his view had been. They also made me realize how irrelevant I have made the Holy Spirit - how I have reduced Him to an "it" and pushed Him to the side. I encourage you to read the following verses, as I did. They really changed my view...

"...but God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God."
-1 Corinthians 2:10,11

And as Charles Stanley puts it, He "illuminates the truth for us."

"Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as He determines."
-1 Corinthians 12:7-11

The Holy Spirit determines the spiritual gifts that all saved people are given.

"I urge you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to join me in my struggle by praying to God for me."
-Romans 15:3

Paul refers to the Holy Spirit's love in this verse.

"And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."
-Ephesians 4:30

And he warns against grieving Him in this verse.

"And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept Him, because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. But you know Him, for He lives with you and will be in you."
-John 14:16,17

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you."
-John 14:26

This same Holy Spirit comes to dwell inside each and every one of those who accepts Christ's gift of Salvation. He is a Counselor (John 14:16, 26), a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24), the Spirit of truth (John 14:17), One who loves (Romans 15:3), One not accepted or known by the world (John 14:17), One who is Holy (His Name!), One who knows the very thoughts of God (1 Corinthians 2:11). He is dwelling inside of me! Wow, what a realization! Sadly, I so often "dwarf" the Holy Spirit into an irrelevant "it" - when HE is so much more!

When God puts these things into perspective for me, I realize how so much I have... My fears and the Enemy's discouragement are nothing compared to what I have in Christ! I have the Holy Spirit, who is as much as a "He" as God the Father and Jesus Christ. He is part of the Trinity and very much a part of my life. I just need to allow Him to work in me and teach me and lead me.

Also - if the Holy Spirit is not known or accepted by this world and He lives inside of me, then it is only normal that I be not "known" or "accepted" by this world, is it not? Just something that made me think...

Learning to Love

2009-05-05T17:55:00.004-04:00

Well, it has been quite a while since I have last posted on here! I have decided to start something new on here. It is my goal to learn something every day - whether it be something new or something that God has re-taught this stubborn heart. I thought that posting every day on here would be great for two reasons: It'll hold me more accountable and I can share what God is teaching me with all of you! I hope that you will follow along with me on this. I want you to know before I start that when I say that I want to learn something every day, I don't mean that I want to learn new things about God that no one else knows. God's Word holds all of the knowledge of God that we will receive and all that we need to know. If God "tells" anyone anything that is either contrary to God's Word or not recorded there, then I do not believe that it is from God. It is my desire that God will teach me things that are already in His Word. My heart is often stubborn and there is so much that I do not know and so much that I need to relearn... Feel free to comment and follow along with me...

To start, I thought I'd share with you all what God has been teaching me recently. He has been teaching me quite a lot. It seems that when you are open to His teaching, He just pours out His wisdom! A lot of times the things He teaches me are not always things that I want to learn, especially when they're about me and things that I know I need to change about myself. He seems to be doing that a lot lately.

-He has been teaching me a lot about love. He has been revealing to me that my love for Him is shallow at times. As my friend said, if I was really in love with God, I would want to be talking about Him all the time. She also brought up an interesting point: If a guy were to tell me that he would die for me, us girls would think that that is the most romantic thing ever. The truth is, Jesus has died for me. Why do I so often find this amazing truth irrelevant to my life - when really, it transforms every area of my life?

-God has been revealing to me that my love for others is often shallow as well. If I was really concerned about them and if I really loved them and cared about them, I would be alarmed and even horrified about their eternity. A while ago I read a letter from an atheist to Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron (http://www.wayofthemaster.com/) basically saying that if we Christians really believe that hell is a real place and that many, many people are going to perish there forever, why aren't we doing something more about it? He brings up a painful and convicting point: Why am I not doing something more? No, I cannot save anyone... but I can obey God's calling on mine and every Christ follower's life: "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you." (Matthew 28:19,20)

These are things that the Holy Spirit has really been convicting me of lately. The Enemy knows this and has been attacking me with discouraging thoughts, but God is so much more powerful than any of the Enemy's schemes. It is my prayer that I will not let what God is teaching me to "sit on a shelf" but rather use it for His glory. That is the reason that we are here!

"Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up. The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know. But the man who loves God is known by God."
-1 Corinthians 8:1-3

Going Through the Motions

2009-01-27T19:25:00.001-05:00

So, how’s life? Really, how is your life going right now? Are you just going through the motions of everyday life or are you living your life in practical, purposeful ways for Christ?

I don’t know about you, but I know that I don’t want to just live my life going through the motions of following Christ – going to church, going to youth group, going to Bible studies, reading God’s Word, praying, etc. While all those things are great and essential to a growing and active relationship with Jesus Christ, I don’t want to just go through the motions with those things. I don’t want to go through life not knowing what my meaning is or what my purpose is in this world. I don’t want what this world tells me about what life is all about. There has got to be something more.

Thankfully, God’s Word tells me that there is something more. There is something more to this life than just existing and “going through the motions”.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.”
-John 10:10a

The thief – satan – comes to steal and kill and destroy our lives, our dreams, and our futures. His plan will leave us broken, empty, and destroyed. A lot of times satan subtly and deceivingly works through this world that we live in by telling us lies about ourselves, our identities, and what life is all about. Satan is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44).

Thankfully, the second part of this verse tells us that we have hope.

“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
-John 10:10b

God’s plan is far different from satan’s or this world’s plan for our lives. God’s plan is for us to live purposeful, meaningful, joyful lives. God’s plan is not to harm us, but rather to prosper us and to give us a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). God’s plan is to give us eternal peace and fulfillment. He is ready and willing to make these plans reality; are you ready to carry them out and live them?

Are you existing or are you truly living? Are you a drifter, just “going with the flow”? Or are you a passionate pursuer of God’s dreams and plans for your life?

Are you just “going through the motions” of a walk with Christ? Or is your life a true reflection of the One who created you? Take a close look at your life right now. How is your relationship with God? Is it real? Is it passionate? Is it powerful? Is it purposeful and meaningful? Does it transcend into every area and part of your life, or are you holding back?

Changing things about your life can be dangerous, but I have come to the conclusion that safe is even more dangerous. If we are “safe”, living in our own comfort zones all of our lives, not pursuing anything outside of this life, then that to me is a dangerous thing because of the lack of purpose and meaning in that life. However, if we are pursuing God and His dreams and His plans for our lives and living our lives purposefully and meaningfully, we will live radical, dangerous, exciting lives for Christ. And as painful or dangerous as it may be, every moment of it is worth it because it is not just for us or for this life. It is all for the glory of God and the advancement of His Kingdom and its effects will last into eternity.

I believe that God calls us to so much more than what most of us believe. God’s Word tells us that “just ok” is not enough. Jesus tells us in Luke 9:23, “If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me” (italics mine). Our lives should humbly yet passionately radiate the love and power of Christ. After all, He came so that we “may have life, and have it to the full”. I encourage you to live in the brilliant light of eternity and not just in the shifting shadows of this life.

Welcome to the Real CTU

2009-01-20T22:12:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the Real CTU
http://www.dare2share.org/

Question...are you bored? Do you wake up and sometimes wonder how you will be able to bring some excitement into your life? If so, I don't think you're alone. Back in the day folks filled the hours with now forgotten things like 'the outdoors' and a really novel concept called a 'book'.
But now we have 5000+ channels of comedy-animal planet-discovery-food-home shopping-MTV-you can learn Japanese in 30 days type stuff going on.

If that's not enough, you can pretty much enfold hours of entertainment with compelling text message sessions that go like this:

?4U
SUP?
WRUD?
NMU
GG
L8R

Or...you can spend hours on Facebook while also checking your MySpace while downloading tunes and seeing what other movies Robert Pattison has been in.

Like I asked...are you bored? Maybe that's why the smash hit TV show 24 is now in its 7 th season? Watching Jack Bauer and company throw down terrorists and save the nation seems to never get old - and it seems to be the way a lot of people spice up their lives.

And of course there's nothing wrong with that. Unless of course you are sitting on the sidelines bogged down in a swamp of self entertainment when you actually should be carrying out one of your callings in life.

What calling? Well to be honest, it's a lot like the recently disbanded CTU (Counter Terrorism Unit) in the show 24 . Here's the way it is described:

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12 ).

Sound like terrorism to you? The 'Evil rulers' and 'mighty powers' mentioned in this verse are demons who are serious about taking spiritual terrorism to a whole new level. They aren't satisfied with destroying physical life, they want to claim eternal souls to join them in eternal torment.

And like Jack Bauer and the other former members of CTU that have banded together outside any official government agency to continue the fight against an impending terrorist attack, we all have a critical part to play in this battle. We can't afford to have anyone sitting out on the battle at hand. That's why we were given these orders:

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on all of God's armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil (Ephesians 6:10 -11).

We are human, but we don't wage war as humans do. We use God's mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments. We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

Can you see what's going on here? Part of the reason God left us on this earth after we trusted Christ was to take on the terrorism of Satan and his band of spiritual 'insurgents.' And you really don't need to look around much to see the damage they inflict every day. Poverty, homelessness, injustice, broken relationships and hatred in the human heart are just of few of his weapons.

But we can fight back. And we need to fight back. The problem is that we are often more concerned about updating our status than we are about the status of hurting and enslaved people all around us.

My encouragement to you is to get active in the battle for eternal souls. Pray each day for victory in your life through the Holy Spirit. Put on God's armor for protection, then go out and boldly go where few Christians have gone before.

And remember, one of your most effective weapons is the gospel message of Jesus. The good news that people can be set free from sin and secure a place in heaven simply by trusting in Jesus Christ alone is the equivalent of an air strike on Satan's Kingdom.

Remember also - being effective in the spiritual battle is a moment-by moment practice of living according to God's Word, in His power, confidently facing an enemy already defeated by the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, and fearlessly sharing the gospel no matter what the cost.
If this becomes the pattern for your life, I absolutely guarantee the word boredom will never enter your vocabulary again!

Head: What you need to know about this truth
Christians are called to engage in spiritual warfare, and to do so we must live according to God's Word, in His power, confidently facing an enemy already defeated by the Lord of Lords and King of Kings, and fearlessly sharing the gospel no matter what the cost.

Heart: What you need to feel about this truth
If you are feeling bored with life, you have a choice to feel excited about joining up with God's counter spiritual terrorism unit.

Hands: What you need to do about this truth
To be effective in spiritual warfare, you must put on God's armor. Check out this Soul Fuel that explains the armor in more detail: http://www.dare2share.org/students/soldiers-on-your-feet.

Insignificantly Significant

2009-01-18T23:28:00.003-05:00

So today at church we watched a DVD Presentation by Louie Giglio that was just amazing. It really put things in perspective for me. He was talking about the indescribable awesomeness of God. He showed snapshots of pictures from NASA of galaxies and things and it was just amazing. One picture that really captured my attention was this: http://www.nasaimages.org/luna/servlet/detail/nasaNAS~12~12~64158~168551:The-Infrared-Helix--Expanded-View

He kept saying, "Okay, now we are going to go even farther out" and each time he'd show a picture of something even more amazing. Finally, he said, "Okay, now we are going to go far far far out" and a picture of Jesus hanging on the cross came up on the screen - and everything got quiet. The same God who created all of the universe came to this little speck called earth to DIE for ME and for YOU. The same God who breathed life into the galaxies and into the universe breathed life into ME and into YOU. The same God who commanded the amazing universe to come into existence spoke the words that commanded ME and YOU to come into existence. That same God cares about the little details of MY life and of YOUR life. It is something that cannot completely be grasped by the human mind, yet it is truth.The last picture Louie showed completely blew my mind: http://hubblesite.org/gallery/album/exotic_collection/pr1992017a/

Some call it an "x", but that is clearly a picture of a cross in a galaxy called the Whirlpool Galaxy. Looking at these pictures, how much more proof do we need that God is real, that God is powerful, that God is holy, that God is mighty, that God is beautiful? And then looking at the cross everything turns around as we see Jesus at His most humble state, dying on that cross for YOU and for ME - just because He cares about and loves each and every one of us.

"When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
the son of man that you care for him?"
-Psalm 8:3-4

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

-Philippians 2:5-12

I come to the same conclusion that Louie came to: we are so insignificantly significant.

Here I Am

2009-01-13T21:20:00.003-05:00

I wrote this devotion tonight for M&M Ministries and I thought I'd share it again. This is something that the Lord has been reminding me of over and over again and I hope that it makes you think as you go about your daily life this week.

Here I Am

Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the desert and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up."
When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!"
And Moses said, "Here I am." (Exodus 3:1-4)

Moses was a great man of the Bible. He led the Israelites out of captivity from the Egyptians and into the land promised to them by God. This was no small task. The pharaoh of the Egyptians was a very hard man and Moses was not good at speaking. When God spoke to Moses through the burning bush, at first Moses’ reply was, “Here I am.” However, when God explained to Moses what He wanted him to do, Moses questions God’s calling. He doesn’t just question God once or twice. He questioned God four times about what He had called him to do. And finally, He says, “O Lord, please send someone else to do it.” (Exodus 4:13)

Can you relate? Does Moses’ questioning and attitude describe your own towards God? You may be open to what God is calling you to do. “Here I am, Lord,” you say. “Use me as You will and I will follow You. Here I am.” Do you have that same attitude when God reveals to you what He wants you to do? Or do you say, like Moses, “Lord, You can’t possibly send me to do that. I’m just not good enough. My weaknesses are too great. I will fail You. O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”

How open is your heart really towards all that God has for you? Are you willing to follow Him with whatever He calls you to do? Moses questioned God many times on what He was calling him to do. He even asked God to please send somebody more qualified.

Something to always remember is an old quote that I have heard many times. God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.

Are you willing to not only say to God, “Here I am”, but also to embrace all that He will call you to do? When your heart is open to God’s callings, He will do amazing things in and through you to advance His Kingdom. When God calls you to do something, He doesn’t make a mistake and accidentally call the wrong person. God knows you more than you know yourself. He not only knows your heart, but He knows your weaknesses. Yet He says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Here I Am - Downhere

Sometimes Your calling comes in dream
Sometimes it comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity
But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began
And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Chorus

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Chorus

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

----------

You can go directly to the song by this link: http://musicremedy.com/audio/index.cfm?FuseAction=ShowAudioPlayer&AudioId=25367&Quality=5

A Brand New Day

2009-01-07T08:42:00.003-05:00

I wrote the following for M&M Ministries, a music/devotional ministry through email that my friend started that I took over for her. Basically, I write a devotion and then provide lyrics and [usually] a link to a song that goes along with it. If you would like to be a part of it, please let me know and I'll add you to the list to receive the devotionals. I used "Brand New Day" by Fireflight for this one.

----------

So it’s a brand new year. It’s a time to set goals, to dream big dreams, to believe that God can do more this year than you could possibly imagine. It is a time to embrace the year ahead, filled with its potential challenges and blessings. It is not only a time to reflect on the year behind you, but also to look forward into the year that lies ahead of you and to think about what you want to make different about this year. It is a brand new year and a time to start anew.

But not only is it a new year, but it is also a new day. Every day is a brand new day, filled with brand new opportunities, blessings, and God’s mercies. You may have messed up yesterday. You may have huge regrets. You may have made big mistakes. You may have said something that you wish you could take back. You may have done something that you feel you cannot forgive yourself for. Someone may have done or said something to you that you feel you cannot forgive them for. There may be bitterness in your heart against God or someone else for something that happened in your life yesterday, last week, last year, or years ago.
However, there is no need to look back and hold on to the harmful things that have happened to you in the past. There is no reason that you need to look back and hold on to the regretful decisions that you have made yesterday.

Today is a brand new day.

“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is His faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning.”-Lamentations 3:22-23 (NLT)

God has a promise in His Word that is neither brand new nor growing old. This promise has stood since the beginning of your life and will continue to stand at the end of your life and in to all of eternity.

We just have to choose to embrace it.

If we would embrace the faithfulness and mercies of God that He promises in His Word, our lives would be free. Our hearts would be full of joy. I think that so often we forget that God promises that His mercies never cease and that they are new every morning. He promises that He is faithful and His faithfulness never ends. Will you choose to embrace that and allow Him to free you of any bondage that your heart may be in? Will you choose to let go of your past mistakes, regrets, pain, and bitterness and move on, knowing that those things are what are shaping your life and that you can use them for the glory of God?

What will you choose? It is a brand new day.

Goals

2009-01-02T21:44:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted on here since October! However, it's a new year and I am hoping to update this more often. Most likely not every day, but hopefully more than I have been.

So it's the new year and I have set some goals for myself!

-Do Hard Things

It is my goal this year that I will do hard things for Christ, that I will stand up for Him in bigger ways than I ever have before, and that I will follow His lead wherever He leads me - perhaps farther out of my comfort zone than ever before.

-Keep it Simple

It is also my goal this year that I will make my life more simple. It is my goal that I will have a more childlike, genuine faith in Christ. I have learned in great ways this year that it is easy to get so deep in your faith that you begin to defend yourself more than (and instead of) God. It is my goal this year that I will defend God more than myself and that my life will be simple and my faith will be genuine. I don't want to get this confused though; "A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps." [Proverbs 14:15] I don't just want to believe whatever I hear. I want to be prudent about it; not simple-minded. There is a huge difference between a simple and a childlike faith.

This year, it is my goal to completely hope in Christ, believe in things that only God could accomplish, and dream "impossible" dreams. And it is my goal to carry out that hope, that belief and trust, and those dreams by achieving all that God has purposed for me this year. It will be challenging, but it will be worth it. It is always worth it to serve my Lord.

Paintbrush

2008-10-06T19:10:00.002-04:00

"God has a paintbrush and he is painting our life out on a canvas and oh how wonderful and beautiful it is, but then we think we can do better so we take the paintbrush from God and we start painting our lives. Pretty soon the canvas is no longer beautiful but a brown smeared mess, but God loves us and forgives us and gently takes the paintbrush back and starts all over painting a wonderful picture of our lives. As long as I allow God to paint my life it will be perfect, but if I take control I will only mess things up."

One of my friends said that to me and wow how profound and powerful it is because of the truth that is in it!

Letting Go

2008-08-29T00:27:00.007-04:00

Letting go. It's one of the hardest things to do. There are so many things in my heart, so many people in my life, so many great friendships, so many great things that I just do not want to ever have to let go of.

Yet what if God asked me to let go of it all? What if He asked me to let go of everything? What if God asked me to let go of my life?

He has.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
-Matthew 16:24-25

God has asked me to deny myself - to let go of myself and know that He is the one in control of me and my life. I must take up my cross and follow Him.

When I read that, I get a picture in my mind of Jesus carrying His heavy, splintered cross on his bruised and bloody back with every last bit of strength that He has. He is carrying it up the hill, knowing full well what lies ahead for Him - even more suffering. And death. His head is down, and He is in excruciating pain. Each step He takes on the hard ground is one more painful throb in His head and one step closer to His death. He finally reaches the top of the hill and the Roman soldiers continue to mock Him. All I hear are the screams and shouts of the people as they deliberately force the huge nails into His hands and feet. He screams in pain. I stand on the sidelines with tears streaming down my face, knowing that His screams are because of me. His pain is a result of all the wrong that I have done. They lift His cross up between two others and His flesh tears as the nails cut through His scarred, bloody, and bruised hands and feet. He has no strength left to even hold His head up. The people continue to scream and shout profanities at Him. He blocks it all out and as He hears the mocking murmers of the people in the background of His mind, He mutters His last breath, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." With Jesus' last breath, I hear Him asking His Father in Heaven to forgive me. There is an earthquake and all is black - and I know that His death was extraordinary. His death gave me life. His resurrection three days later gave me hope.

And now He asks me to take up my cross and follow Him. He asks that I take up my cross - my life, my dreams, my plans, my pleasures. He asks that I let go of all of them just as He let go of His life that day. He asks that I take up and let go of my life. And let us not forget that three days later His Father raised Him from the dead and He is now seated at the right hand of God the Father! His life was not taken from Him. He went through great suffering and pain, but He is now seated beside God in Heaven.

And our lives will not be taken either - they will only be placed into God's loving hands and rearranged and perfected. He knows what is best and He wants what is best for us.

Jesus says that if I want to save my life by living it my own way, I will lose it.
"But whoever loses his life for Me will find it."
If I give up my plans; If I let go of my dreams; If I take up my cross and follow God wherever He leads me - I will find true life.

God is asking each one of us to walk up to His splintered and blood-stained cross and lay down our regrets, our past, our sin, our mistakes, our fears, our dreams, our plans, our friendships, our relationships, our life.

He is asking us to let go of our lives so that we can find true life in Him; so that we can live our lives to the fullest; so that we will lose ourselves and truly find Him.

Finding True Joy

2008-07-27T14:54:00.000-04:00

So I thought I'd share a testimony with you guys... it's not my testimony of how I came to Christ, but it is a testimony of how God has worked in my life, and so I thought I'd share it.So, when I was little, I was legalistic. I'd do things just because my parents, especially my dad, who I really looked up to [and still do], did it. I'd believe things because my dad believed them. I was pretty strict, too... just with little things, I'd judge people because they did something that I thought was wrong. Or they believed something that I didn't; or they didn't believe something that I did. Anyone who didn't believe like I did I judged. I realize now how so wrong and hypocritical I was, but at the time, I was so blind to it.

As I got older, I wanted so badly to make a difference for Christ. I wanted to obey God in everything. Everyone around me saw Christ in me, because I was just so on fire for Him. I was strong-willed and very set in my ways. There was no turning back for me. If I did something, I did it full force... with everything I had.

And so I began reading devotions everyday and having my own quiet time with God. I got so many devotions through email that I read every day. I read and wrote a chapter of the Bible every day. I started a Bible Study with my friends' help. I tried starting a Bible Study online. I went to church every week. I went to youth group every week as well. I'd talk to my friends about Christ a lot. I'd only listen to Christian music, and I listened to it a lot. God was pulling me out of my comfort zone in different areas, and I followed Him.

Eventually, I just got burned out. Everything I was doing became stale to me. I didn't get any joy out of reading the Bible anymore. I didn't get any joy out of talking to God anymore. I didn't get any joy out of talking about God anymore. I didn't get any joy out of Bible Study, out of church, or out of youth group anymore. I didn't get any joy out of devotions, and to put it bluntly, I didn't want to do them, I didn't want to pray, I didn't want to read the Bible. I was burned out and dehydrated. I also became depressed. Yet I put on a fake "mask" and became someone that I really wasn't. Everyone around me thought that I was strong, that I had it altogether. Some even thought I was perfect! If they only knew the hypocrite I was being... the fake person I had become.

I didn't know who I was anymore. I felt like joy had just left me. My heart ached. I was depressed. I was so distant - I didn't feel like doing anything, because I didn't get joy out of anything. And the entire time I felt guilty - so guilty - because I wasn't doing anything for God. I knew that I was wrong, but I felt so stuck. I would get defensive over little things. I would get angry over stupid things. There was so much built up inside of me that I needed to get out, but I didn't know how. I didn't know who to talk to. I didn't even understand my own situation, so why would anyone else? Friends came and talked to me about their problems, yet I couldn't go to them about mine because I had put out this front that I was 'perfect, a good Christian girl, put together' and I really wasn't. I felt like such a total failure.

I couldn't take it anymore. I talked to my mom and just told her everything that I could, but I didn't quite understand myself or my situation, so I didn't know how to tell her. I felt like I had nothing at all figured out in life. I couldn't make any decisions, and at the time, I had to make a lot. I was so frustrated, depressed, and just down on life... and yet no one knew. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know who I was supposed to be. I didn't know who I was meant to be. I didn't know who God wanted me to be... I didn't even know how to live because even though I knew the difference between right and wrong, it was like I had become blind to it. I didn't understand what was going on in my heart, but it was definitely something and I didn't know how to deal with it. I had no joy at all.

Just the other day I was faced with another hard decision. I didn't know what to do and so I decided to go to my parents with it. They didn't offer much help at first, just told me to do what I felt I should. Well that didn't help! I finally just spilled everything... I cried and told them how I've been feeling. Some of it didn't come out right because I was confused, but I got it out. And my heart felt so light afterwards. They helped me to realize that I had been doing too much spiritually and that I had become burned out. I needed a change. And so I decided to take their advice and took a few steps to get my life back together...

This next couple of days I'm going to try to get creative and do different things with God. Take walks with Him, maybe. Instead of having a routine with Him, I want a relationship again. Instead of feeling like I have to read a certain passage of Scripture because that's what my devotion is about, I'll read what I feel led to read.

Good works will not get me to Heaven. I used to "preach" that to people, and now look at me. I am a hypocrite. Good works follow Salvation. And even though I got saved at 4 and had a very close relationship with God, I began to put good works before my relationship with God. And eventually I became burned out and depressed.

I realize now that true joy comes from having a relationship with God. The rest will follow. I'll also get joy from doing things for God. When I am dead center in the middle of God's will for my life, I will find personal fulfillment.I think I've finally found joy. And it's not a feeling. It's a way of the heart. And it is so totally different from temporary happiness.

I praise God that He revealed all this to me before I went through the rest of my life only existing and not truly living.

God's Dreams

2008-07-20T22:49:00.002-04:00

Decisions, decisions, decisions! I don't like them and I have a hard time making them. Yet life is full of them. Every single day is full of decisions. Sometimes I think I make the right one but it all turns around on me. Other times I deliberately make the wrong one and pay for the consequences. And then there is that still, small voice inside of my heart that rises above all of the conflicts within me that says, "Stop. Listen to Me. Just obey me and everything will work out."

You'd think I'd just listen to that voice. But I am a stubborn person and usually just decide to do what I want to do. And where does that get me? Usually farther back then when I started.

My pastor's message today really spoke to my heart. It made me realize that I am not living for myself. My decisions affect those in my sphere of influence - my family, my friends, even acquaintances. So I need to make tough, hard, good decisions.

Sometimes I wonder if I make my life harder than what it really is. Am I too uptight? Too "good"? Too "Christian"? Or do people just make me feel that way? Where do I draw the line? And what is too close to the line? What is crossing the line? How do I know what is right in situations?

How can I be on fire for God without becoming legalistic like I used to be? Why can't I just live like everyone else? Yes, I have a high calling and I realize that. God has called me to be so much more than this world in which I live, just like He's called you to be so much more.

But how do I know what that is?! I know for certain that I am living for God. I know for certain that I want to live His dreams for my life. I've committed my life to God, and I am not backing out of that commitment. Never, not for anything. He is my life.

"When God created you, He created a person the world has never seen - and a person the world will never see again."

That quote that my pastor shared really got me thinking. I want to make an impact. I want to make a difference. That is a passion and a desire of mine! But sometimes I think that I am such an over-achiever that I try to do too much, I try, try, try... and fail, fail, fail. Why? Because I'm not living God's dreams! I'm trying to live my own! And it's all in vain.

It contradicts itself completely. I want to live a life that is worth something, that will make a difference and have an impact on the world. But my dreams won't do that - my dreams, no matter how big I think they are, are too small. I need to dream God's dreams. His dreams are huge, they are impacting, they make a difference.

I am here to bring glory to God. Have I been doing that? Has my life been radiating with the light of Christ?

Am I dreaming God's dreams?

On Fire

2008-07-09T00:50:00.004-04:00

Hey guys! I haven't posted in a while. I guess the reason for that is because I haven't been spending much time with God lately or putting much effort into our relationship. And as a result, I haven't been motivated to update my blog. Tonight at Bible Study we were talking about laziness... how we can be so lazy spiritually and in our relationship with God.

I haven't been putting any effort into reading my Bible.
I haven't been putting any effort into talking with God.
I haven't been putting any effort into going out of my way to encourage others or share Christ's love with them.
I haven't been putting much effort at all into my relationship with Christ.

I've become lazy in my walk and journey with Him. It's a sad realization, but it's true. I think of that verse in Revelation 3:16, "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

God doesn't want me to be lukewarm. He wants me to be on fire for Him... and lately, I've been lukewarm. I hate it, I want to change... I want to be on fire for God again. I want to live my life on the edge for God. I want to live my life radically for Him. I don't want to compromise in my faith.

"You are My Hope" - Skillet

Times are hard
Times have changed
Don't you say
But I keep holdin on to You
It's hard to keep the faith alive day to day
Leanin on the strength I've found in You

You're the hope of all the earth
You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything, everything I need

You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope

Far beyond what I can see and comprehend
Etching Your eternity in me
Nations scream and angels sing
Jesus rains
Every knee bows down

You're the hope of all the earth
You are my hope
You are my strength
You're everything, everything I need
You are my hope
You are my life
You are my hope
You are my hope

Carry on and I sing of how
You love and I love You now
All the times that I start to sink
You come and You rescue me

You are my hope

That explains so well how I've been feeling lately. Times are hard and times have definitely changed. I think that in a way my faith is more real to me now than ever. I have to rely on my faith in God more now than ever. Now is the time in my life where I'm really starting to think about my faith, about who God really is, and about my relationship with Him. It's a good thing, yet it's also hard. And for someone like me who contemplates and really thinks into everything, well, it can be a bit stressful. Satan has been trying to attack my mind a lot lately. He's been putting barriers up in my relationship with Christ.

I've come to find that faith in God can't be lukewarm. It can't be fake, or it's not really faith at all. To have faith in God is so much more than just believing that He's real. Having faith in God is a way of life, a journey, sometimes an adventure... and it's a challenge.

But I've also come to find that it is very, very worth it.

Life with Him is definitely a journey. But I've come to find out that it is a journey of a lifetime - and not just a lifetime, but an eternity!

You are my hope! You are my life!

To Be Lonely

2008-05-29T11:26:00.003-04:00

God: "What's the matter?
Me: "I'm lonely!"

God: "I know! Don't you think I know that?"
Me: "Yes Lord."

God: "Then what's the problem?"
Me: "I'm lonely."

God: "What do you want?"
Me: (Repressing the honest answer I speak:) "I want what you want Lord."

God: "You have it."
Me: (dead silence)

God: "Something is still bothering you. What is it?"
Me: "I'm alone."

God: "Why is that a problem?"
Me: "I'm not happy."

God: "And why not?"
Me: "I don't want to be alone."

God: "You said you wanted what I wanted."
Me: "Yes Lord."

God: "You have it."
Me: (silence)

God: "Isn't that what you wanted?"
Me: (at last honesty) "No Lord."

God: "Then you do not want what I want?"
Me: "I do, but I also want to feel loved. I also want what I want."
God: "The problem is not your desire to feel and be loved. That is a good desire.
The problem is that you expect that I should give you
what you want when you want and how you want.
If a sparrow does not fall without my knowledge...
If I dress the lilies in such splendor...
If I clothe the grass of the field which so quickly withers...
Do you imagine I have forgotten you...my beloved?
I have not forgotten you...do not worry.

God: "You are still troubled...why?"
Me: "I'm lonely."
God: (gently) "I know."

That was written by Hudson Russell Davis. I changed it around a bit, but how much does that describe you and me at times in our lives? Whether you're young and you have a desire to date and feel loved; whether you're older and have a desire to be married; whether you feel like you have no one to turn to; whether your parents have abandoned you; whatever the case, this describes almost all of us so well. I thought it was a touching "conversation" that this man wrote up and I wanted to share it.

MAD 4 Christ

2008-05-25T23:10:00.002-04:00

Me and my friend David started Christian teen forums. We'll be doing Bible studies on there [right now I'm doing a study on growing to be like Jesus], as well as sending out devos every day throughout the week and having different discussions on the website. There's a place for advice, prayer requests, praises, and just to chat. Go check it out and join if you want! There's already almost 20 members and over 130 posts!

http://www.mad4christ.teensboards.com/

Finding True Love in Christ

2008-05-15T10:17:00.002-04:00

Okay, all you girls out there! I just read this great article that I wanted to share with you. Guys, you can read it too. It's great for anyone to read. It's long, but it's very good.

----------

Your girlhood dreams of becoming a princess may have become grown up dreams of finding a prince to marry -- a man who'll make you blissfully happy. But no such man exists, because no human being has the power to make your dreams come true.

That doesn't mean you need to stop dreaming, however. You do, indeed, have a prince waiting for you. And if you discover Him, you'll experience the greatest love of all.

Here's how you can devote your heart to your true prince, Jesus Christ:

Don't settle for a broken heart and shattered dreams. Even though this fallen world is full of sin that can disappoint and even destroy you, it's also full of hope. Don't assume that you'll never meet a man you can trust, who'll treat you with dignity and respect. Pass untrustworthy men by while you wait for one who'll treat you right. Refuse to lower your standards for relationships. Pursue only the best -- all that God wants for you. Don't sink into depression when your wait takes longer than you'd like. Instead, use your time to live to the fullest, growing as a person and enjoying all God has for you while you're single.

Place your faith in Jesus alone. Realize that it's futile to expect a man to fulfill your deepest desires. Don't put pressure on any man to rescue you from your circumstances and make your dreams come true. Instead, make your relationship with Jesus your top priority, and expect to see everything else in your life fall into place as a result of that relationship. Trust Jesus alone with your hopes and dreams.

Make Jesus the foundation of your life. It's not enough to try to fit Jesus into your life; you need to fit your life around Jesus. If you just utter some quick prayers occasionally and don't hear any reply, that doesn't mean you need to figure life out on your own. It means that you need to deepen your relationship with Jesus so you can discover His great plans for you. Commit to wholeheartedly pursuing a relationship with Jesus -- the Prince who made the ultimate romantic gesture by giving up His life to save you. Just as He gave everything for you, decide to give your all for Him, out of love. Make Jesus the center of your existence.

Turn your heart into a sanctuary. Set your heart apart from the world and guard it to become a sanctuary for the Holy Spirit to reside. Ask God to show you the trash that's lurking inside your heart and needs to be removed to prepare a proper place for your Prince to live. As He reveals the kind of trash you need to remove -- from small lies and unhealthy compromises to traumatic memories and deep bitterness -- write it all down and pray about each piece of trash specifically. Don't allow any sin to clutter up your heart. Take action to remove it however God calls you to -- from apologizing to people you've hurt or disrespected to throwing away items that fostered sin in your life (such as seductive clothes you wore to attract unhealthy attention from men, or CDs of music that celebrated impurity). Examine your heart again regularly, making trash removal an ongoing process in your life. Whenever you notice that you've allowed any wrong habits to creep back into your life, or whenever you encounter a situation or relationship that needs to be made right, take action as God leads you.

Kick out other lovers. Don't allow any person or thing in your life to take away time, thoughts, energy, or devotion that you should be giving to Jesus. Take a hard look at what you've been pursuing -- romantic relationships, popularity, comfort, material possessions, achievements, and more -- and honestly consider how your pursuit of them may be keeping you from pursuing Jesus wholeheartedly. Then eliminate activities that distract you from growing closer to Jesus, and change your goals so that your life is truly focused on Him. Don't worry about feeling deprived by cutting out unhealthy attachments from your life. Once you pursue intimacy with Jesus above all else, you'll discover that your relationship with Him will actually enhance every part of your life.

Change your lifestyle. Ask God to show you what practical changes you can make to your life so you'll be better able to develop a closer relationship with Jesus -- from waking up earlier each day to pray more and watching less television, to tackling a service project and making more an effort to share your faith with others.

Embrace God's dreams for you. Be willing to give up your personal agendas in order to embrace God's better dreams for you. Trust that God, who created you, knows what plans are best for you. Pursue His dreams for your life rather than your own.

Set your heart apart for your future husband. Make a commitment to keep yourself sexually pure as a gift not only to God, but also to the man you may eventually marry. Ask yourself: "Am I truly set apart for my future husband? Or am I just doing the bare minimum for him by putting up a few physical and/or emotional boundaries in my life?", "Do I seek male affirmation through flirting, hugging, touching, etc.?", "Do I draw guys' attention by showing off my body?", "Do I casually offer my heart, mind, emotions, and body to guys by jumping into short-term flings?", "Do I allow my mind to fantasize about guys I'm attracted to?", "Do I offer too much of myself to guys, even in friendships?", "Am I willing to sacrifice pleasure, attention, affirmation, and temporary fulfillment to live a lifestyle of lily whiteness for the man I will spend the rest of my life with?", "Am I willing to allow my faithful Lord to bring a love story into my life in His own perfect time and way?", and "Am I willing to hand over the pen of my love story to Jesus and trust Him completely?". Write your future husband a letter to solidify your purity decisions, and read that letter whenever you struggle with purity. Ask God to forgive your previous sins of impurity, as well as to help you heal from whatever sexual sins have been committed against you (such as through abuse). Also ask God to help your future husband live a life a sexual purity himself.

Protect your intimacy with God on a daily basis. Be alert to any and every sin that tries to encroach upon your inner sanctuary and lessen your intimacy with God. Every day, pay attention to what you're thinking, saying, and doing, and consider whether or not that pleases God. Repent immediately of whatever doesn't reflect the love you should have toward your true Prince.

Overcome temptation. Although you'll often be tempted to sin, you can always resist temptation if you don't give it an opportunity to grow in your mind. At every crucial moment of making a decision about how to respond to temptation, say "no" to it. Then the temptation will have no chance to grow, causing it to lose its power over you. Read the Bible often, and study, memorize, and meditate on its words so you can absorb its truths into your mind. Whenever you encounter temptation, the Holy Spirit will then remind you of biblical truths that will help you overcome the lies temptation tries to tell you. Don't hesitate to pray against all forms of evil that are enticing you to cave into temptation. Identify the areas of your life where you're most vulnerable to temptation, then use the spiritual authority you have as a Christian to pray for deliverance from evil that's trying to harm you in those areas. Create boundaries for your behavior to protect yourself from unnecessary temptation, such as refusing to watch movies that tempt you to engage in sexual impurity or avoiding nightclubs where impure behavior surrounds you. Ask yourself: "Are there voices I need to start ignoring?", "Are there shows or movies I need to stop watching?", "Are there places I need to stop going?", "Are there people I need to stop spending time with?", "Are there certain clothes I need to stop wearing?" and "Are there songs I need to stop listening to?". If any friendship, activity, or influence tends to draw you away from Jesus or keeps you from reflecting His purity, create a boundary around it. Guard your relationship with your true Prince, no matter what the cost, knowing that it's always worthwhile to do so.

Don't compromise your standards in romantic relationships. Value the high standards to which God has called you (for your own good) more than you value romance itself. Ask God to help you be willing to live a set-apart life out of love for Him, even if you never find a man who's worth marrying. Set yourself apart for your true Prince no matter what happens in your future. Making that decision will give you the confidence and strength you need for every circumstance you'll ever encounter. It's better to remain single than to settle for a romantic relationship with a man who doesn't treat you as God wants you to be treated. But be assured that many worthwhile men do exist. Look for men who enjoy intimate relationships with Jesus and show integrity, compassion, courage, and selfless love -- men who will help you protect your inner sanctuary. Pursue a romantic relationship that draws you closer to Jesus, while avoiding those that draw you farther away from Jesus.

Cultivate ongoing intimacy with God. Your relationship with God doesn't have limits. There's always more you can learn about Him, always more to worship in Him, and always more to experience with Him. Develop a lifestyle that helps you constantly grow closer to God. Study the Bible often. Write your prayers down in a journal, like personal letters to your true Prince, and write down His responses to your prayers. Read great Christian literature to learn how to deepen your relationship with God. View every challenge as an opportunity to grow closer to God and every triumph as an opportunity to praise God.

Delight in God. Learn how to notice God's constant presence with you, and delight in Him moment by moment. Ask Him to help you speak and listen to Him no matter where you are or what you're doing. Develop a quiet mind. Cultivate a heart of worship. Meditate on the Bible. As you walk through each day with God rather than just representing Him, you'll experience unshakable peace and strength in every situation.

Pursue healing if you've had your heart broken. It's crucial to heal from a broken heart before you can be ready for true intimacy -- both with God and with your future spouse. Ask God to reveal what mistakes you made in the broken relationship, and to help you learn from them. Forgive yourself and the person who hurt you. Ask God to give you His perspective on what you've gone through, and to help you see yourself as He sees you -- someone who is extremely valuable and deeply loved. Find some people you can trust to talk through issues and encourage you as you deal with pain while going through the healing process.

Build spiritual oneness with a potential romantic partner. Don't rush into romance with any man, no matter how promising he seems. First, savor a season of friendship, getting to know each other well without the pressure of romance. Keep an open hand, refusing to hold on to the relationship too tightly. Trust God to do whatever He sees fit with the relationship, remembering that He wants the absolute best for both of you.

Adapted from [i]Authentic Beauty: The Shaping of a Set-Apart Young Woman, [/i]copyright 2007 by Leslie Ludy. Published by WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., Colorado Springs, Co., www.randomhouse.com/waterbrook.

A True Friend

2008-05-11T16:13:00.005-04:00

I haven't posted on here in almost two months! You guys have probably left my blog by now! I hope some of you are still out there...

I have been going through a rough time in my relationship with Christ lately. It was getting to the point where He didn't feel personal to me anymore. He didn't feel like mine. People would talk about Him, and I would believe what they said, but I wouldn't take it to heart and grasp it as mine. I didn't have that close, intimate, personal relationship with Christ. He didn't leave me. I chose to quietly, slowly, walk away from Him, tiptoe by tiptoe. Why? I really don't know. I think it was a mixture of doubt and rebellion. Two of the most dangerous sins that I could commit.

I didn't really talk to anyone about this, and that hurt me even more. It got to the point where I had to ask someone for prayer, so I asked two people that I look up to if they would pray for me. They said that they would, I thanked them, and that was that. I continued to tiptoe away...

I realized that I couldn't live this way anymore. There was no way that I could continue on without my personal, intimate relationship with Christ. He was my everything, and without Him, I was nothing. Sure, I was still talking to God everyday, but it wasn't personal. It was more of a "thing I have to do". I wasn't reading the Bible every day anymore. I was serving Him by helping out at church, but it was more of a chore and not a joy. I had become numb and dehydrated. It wasn't until a good message at youth group about being away from the source of Living Water [Jesus] and becoming dehydrated did I really surrender my life over to Christ once again.

I wanted to become a new person. I didn't want to live the way that I was anymore. No, I hadn't turned totally away from God. No, those that I didn't tell didn't know that I was feeling this way. But I needed to break out of this bondage that I was in. It was almost as if I was in a depression. A subtle depression. I didn't feel joy. Only numbness. I couldn't focus in school or church. I felt like I couldn't pray.

I think I fear commitment. It's not that I fear that God will turn His back on me or forget me, because I know that He would never do that. But I think that I fear totally committing myself to Him out of fear that He'll let me down. Yet He promises so many times in Scripture that He knows and wants what's best for me! He promises that He holds me in His arms! He promises that I am His child because I have chosen to accept and follow Him! So why do I fear committment? I'm still not totally sure. Let's just say that satan has really been attacking my heart a lot lately.

I feel that I have slowly broken away from the depression and numbness. Only God can make me whole. God is all that I need. I need Him so badly. To deny or doubt or not trust Him is a dangerous thing! I thank my God that He has pulled me out of this pit that I fell into. He is my Solid Rock, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Lord. But more than that, He is my best friend. And I thank Him so much for not giving up on me - ever.

You know, only a true friend would pursue you and knock on your heart because He wants you back. Yet God doesn't pursue you until He gets you back. He doesn't want to make you come to Him. He wants you so badly, so desperately - yet He waits for you. He wants you to be willing to go to Him. He doesn't want you to go to Him begrudgingly. And so He waits for you. Only a true friend would do that.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
-Psalm 73:26

Safe is Dangerous

2008-03-03T22:51:00.005-05:00

Growing hurts. Growing is uncomfortable and growing is painful. I just want to stay where I am, where I'm safe and where I'm comfortable. I don't want to go through the whole painful growing process - why can't I just stay where I am in my walk with God, where it's safe and comfortable? Well, I could, but you know... safe is dangerous.

If I would stay where I am in my relationship with Christ, I'd be "safe". I'd be comfortable. But the thing is, safe is not safe in your relationship with Christ. There is nothing "safe" about not growing in God. If I were to stay where I am, it would be easy for me to become content and complacent and comfortable. God calls us out of our comfort zones and into His Zone. He calls us out of "safe". Safe is where everyone is - it's where everyone wants to be. God calls us out of that and into His Zone, where you are not always safe (from yourself and being uncomfortable) but where you are free to grow in Him. His Zone is not safe. His Zone is not comfortable. It is very unsafe and probably the most "dangerous" place to be. Why? Because it's uncomfortable. Growing is painful. Following God can be dangerous (you're constantly being called out of your comfort zone), but you know what? I've said it so many times before and I'll say it again: it is so worth it.

I went to hand out food, clothing, blankets, etc. to the homeless this past weekend with my youth group and another church that walked the streets with us. It was such a humbling experience. When we got back to the church, the speaker was talking about the verse in the Bible that says that if you do something for the poor, you're doing it for Jesus (Matthew 25:40). And I remembered a man that I had smiled at as he sat on the streets, crippled and cold with nowhere to go. I didn't expect him to smile back at me - but he did. And he had the warmest smile I've ever seen. His eyes just glowed. I saw Jesus in that homeless man, and I don't think I'll ever forget that smile. It melts my heart just to think about it.It's in moments like those that I see Jesus "face to face". It's in moments like those that I realize that living life for Christ is very much worth it.Growing in Christ is the most amazing, worthwhile thing you will ever do with your life. Don't ever for a moment think that it's not.

Challenge: Safe is dangerous. Don't stay where you are; don't stay in your comfort zone. Reach out of "safe" and grow in God this week. It may be to help a friend, to reach out and make a new friend, to do something for God that He has called you to do, or just to read His Word and let His Words soak into your heart. Growing may be scary, it may be painful, it may be different, it may be hard, but is it worth it? Yes!

The Truth

2008-02-04T23:13:00.000-05:00

So wow... I don't even really know what to write about on here. I do know that life is so unpredictable and at times, really hard. Life is so full of disappointments, pain, sorrow, and brokenness. The reason is because this world is full of those negative, bad things and while we are passing through this earth, we are going to experience those things as well. I know of so many people who are going through such hard times in their lives right now, and I realize that I take so much for granted. I have God, for one thing. He is my hope, my life, my Sustainer, my Provider, my strength. He is my everything. I really do not know what I would do without God. I would be so totally, utterly lost. I would have given into so many temptations that with the strength of God, I didn't give into. I would have fallen so many times and not have gotten back up, but God has saved me with His mighty hand and He picks me up everytime that I fall. I would be a broken, lost, hopeless mess if I didn't have Christ. I know it's something that you hear all the time - "God is going to help you through this" "God is so good" "God will give you strength" - and it's like, "Maybe He did for you! But He's not giving me strength, He's not being good to me! He's not helping ME through this!" It can leave you broken and depressed when you allow satan to plant these lies in your mind and heart. These lies that satan plants in your mind will make their way to your heart, where they will thrive and grow and choke and break your heart. Don't let satan and his lies cultivate in your heart. Ask God right now to replace those lies with His truth. Because the truth is, God is good - all the time. The truth is, God will and does give you strength - everytime you need it. The truth is, God will help you through this hard time in your life. The truth is, God is waiting for you to run to Him and give Him all of your fears and all of your burdens and all of your pain. He is. Don't let anyone ever tell you that God doesn't care. He most definitely does care... He cares about every detail of your life.

"O LORD, you have searched me and You know me."
-Psalm 139:1
"You hem me in—behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me."
-Psalm 139:5
"Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?"
-Psalm 139:7
"Even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You."
-Psalm 139:12
"I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
-Psalm 139:14
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
-Psalm 139:23-24

At Bible Study tonight, we read Psalm 139 and talked about the verses that stood out to us. These were a few that stuck out to me. I encourage you to read it and even memorize it if you want to. They are such encouraging words. Because the truth is, God does care about you. He cares so, so much about you - every little detail. He cares about what you're going through. He cares about every little thing. Yes, He is a big God - yet He loves you so much that He cares about you and your life. And that's the truth.

Talking With God

2008-01-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry I haven't posted on here in a while. I've been busy with lots of school and things and I just haven't been posting on here. I've also been in a "spiritual slump" again and have been thinking about a lot of things. It is so easy to fall into those spiritual slumps and valleys, yet you need to be there in order to see God's hand at work in your life. If you were good in your spiritual life all the time, you would never have a chance to grow. So I am thankful for those times, yet I do wish that I wouldn't have to go through them. A song that has been helping me is "Believe" by Mainstay. It describes how I've been feeling so well. Here are the lyrics:

I don't know if I still have the strength to get up again
I don't know if I can face my own reflection
Jesus, take this heart that feels so cold again and make it new
I hold this hope inside that You will never leave me
When all around me starts to fall
And when my faith it seems so small
Even in my darkest hour I will believe
I don't know how I could turn my back and walk away
All I really want is for Your love to hold me
Jesus, take this heart and make it whole again
I know You will never leave me
When all around me starts to fall
And when my faith it seems so small
Even in my darkest hour I will believe
Even if the sun begins to fall
Even when I feel nothing at all
Even if I'm all alone I will believe
I'll believe
I'll believe
I'll believe
When all around me starts to fall
And when my faith it seems so small
Even in my darkest hour
Even if the sun begins to fall
Even when I feel nothing at all
Even if I'm all alone I will believe

I love that song, it is so inspiring and encouraging. But of course there was something bigger that helped me through it, and that was God. I write to God every night in a journal - so much happens in one day and when I go over my day at night with God, it helps me so much to sort out my thoughts. Sometimes I begin writing with so much regret and guilt and then when I'm done talking with God, I feel refreshed and new. Other times I'll begin writing feeling down and stressed and when I'm done talking with God, I feel ready to go to sleep with a clear mind. It is so great how amazing it is just to give the things that are pressing on your heart to God. It is so freeing.

I encourage you all to keep a journal something like this. Instead of writing out fancy prayers, just talk with God. That's all He wants. He loves to hear His children's worries and fears and pains. He wants to talk with you. He wants you to give Him all of the things that are weighing on your heart. And when you're done, you will feel so free and refreshed. Just give Him your burdens. He will give you rest.

"'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'"
-Matthew 11:28-29 (NIV)

Be Authentic - Be Real - Be You!

2008-01-14T23:18:00.000-05:00

Friends... how hard it is to find a real, true, authentic, genuine friend! God has been opening my eyes lately to how blessed I am to have those kinds of friends in my life. Everyone makes mistakes and I am always going to be let down by people. God does tell us, "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD" [Jeremiah 17:5]. I cannot depend on people to fulfill and satisfy my needs and desires. But sometimes you need a true, genuine friend to be there for you. And I am so, so blessed to have more than one friend like this! You guys know who you are - and I am so thankful for you.

Tonight at Bible Study we were talking a lot about being yourself and being who you are everywhere you are. We were talking about not wearing your heart on your sleeve, yet letting people know who you are. I don't know about you, but sometimes I try to fit in somewhere before I let the people see who I really am. And then I get close to them, yet it's not really me because I'm being superficial. So they're accepting me for being someone I'm not - and then I'm stuck. So I want to encourage you to try to be who you really, truly are everywhere that you are and with everyone that you're with. Who are you? Well, if you've accepted Christ as your Savior, you're a child of God. And being children of God, we need to live like we are children of God. We all have our own unique, individual personalities that God has blessed us with, and we need to let ourselves blossom into who we really are in Christ by allowing ourselves to be authentic and genuine and real.

I had to write an essay for English class about an important decision I had to make in my life. So this is what I wrote:

"The most important decision you'll ever make in your life is who your master will be. There are only two choices: God or satan and the world." My pastors words have stuck with me and planted themselves in my heart since that message he had preached early one Sunday morning. Yet the meaning of his words went far deeper than what he said. I knew that I needed to make the decision to either follow God wholeheartedly and let Him be the master of my life or to let satan lead my life by way of the world and lead me into darkness and despair.
I had two choices. There were no in-between or gray areas. There was no turning back. I knew that I had to choose who to follow or someone or something was going to choose to lead me. The way that my heart tends to lean towards the world and its ways, I realized that if I didn't choose a master, the world was going to master me. I knew that I didn't want that, because I knew that eventually that would only lead me into darkness and depression and heartache. The only other choice was God - the One who promises light, joy, peace, and real, true life.
You would think that one would choose to allow God to be their master if He promises so much good to His followers. Yet there are many people who allow the world to become their master and they follow it and its crowds into darkness. Many people choose the world to become the master of their hearts and lives and walk straight into a dark pit of sorrow, despair and death. Yet because of God's amazing grace and love, He has pulled me numerous times off of the edge of that pit, as I was struggling to keep myself from falling into it completely. God grabbed ahold of my arms and gently lifted me out of that deep, dark, painful pit and held me in His arms. The words that were whispered to me from Him that day were very clear. I cannot follow and allow both God and the world to be my masters. It's either one or the other. I chose God - and everytime I am hanging on with all of my strength to the edge of that pit, he pulls me out. My God is good, and my God is the master of my life.

The Tears Rain Down

2008-01-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

Well these past couple of days I've been realizing that I need to prioritize my life better. Last night I didn't read my Bible Challenge for the day because I felt like God was telling me, "Molly, you're making my relationship with you a "check-list" and a "have-to-do" thing. Don't read this tonight. Read something else from My Word that you can really apply to your life right now." So I read 1 Corinthians 13 and went through all of the descriptions of what love is and thought about the areas that I need to work on. I'd love to do a study sometime on 1 Corinthians 13 and what love truly is. Society and America and people have love so twisted and messed up. Love is so much deeper than what society tells us.

I wrote a poem tonight for English. I had to write about something that symbolizes something for me. So this is what I wrote:

“The Tears Rain Down”
Rain, from Heaven it pours down,
Like tears falling from the sky.
It pours out from the One who is crowned,
So the tears rain down.

As ordinary rain falls down to the earth,
I see the tears of God pouring over His people.
For their sin they should be cursed,
Instead the tears rain down

The rhythm of the tears that fall,
Are coming from the eyes of God.
He cares and loves enough for us all,
To let the tears rain down.

The sound of the rain is like hearing God speak.
Over His people the rhythm of rain falls.
Because of the sins of us who are so weak,
The tears rain down.

God is so beautiful.

Guarding Your Heart

2008-01-06T22:54:00.001-05:00

Well I haven't been posting everyday... I think I've decided that I won't make that a goal for the year anymore. I think some days I should keep some posts up for longer than a day and then other days I'm busy doing other things, so I think it's best to not make it a goal. But I will still be updating regularly!

Something I read in Proverbs the other day really spoke to my heart:

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
-Proverbs 4:23

I now make that verse a prayer to God throughout the day when I know that my heart needs to be guarded. And you know what? It really helps. "Guard my heart, God. Above all else, guard my heart." It's a simple prayer yet God answers it for me everytime I ask Him to. Of course it takes some effort on my part. I can't just say, "God, I'm not putting any effort in this... I'm still going to think these thoughts but just guard my heart, okay?" No, I need to put effort into my request by first sincerely asking God to guard my heart, and then by putting forth some effort by trying my best to get the wrong thoughts out of my mind before they reach my heart and take root there.

I want to encourage you to make Proverbs 4:23 a prayer that you pray to God every day. And pray it everytime you realize that your heart needs to be guarded [you're thinking about a guy/girl in a lustful way, you're having thoughts that you know you shouldn't have, etc.].

"God, guard my heart. Oh, above all else, guard my heart!"

The Goal

2008-01-03T22:25:00.000-05:00

I had a better day today than I did yesterday. I am definitely still learning that God is all that I need to truly satisfy me, though. Life with Christ is definitely a journey, and every journey has its curves and high places and low places. Some journeys aren't even worth taking, though. But I know that this journey with God that I [and every other Christ-follower] am taking is one that is worthwhile. I wrote in my journal last night to God that what keeps me going on this journey is knowing what lies at the end for me. I will see Jesus and I will bask in God's presence. I will feel His holiness and His presence stronger than I ever have here on earth. I will live with God forever in a glorious place called Heaven where He is now preparing a place for me. And that is what keeps me going when loneliness, disappointments, fears, pain, and trials come my way.

"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 3:14

Like Paul, I press on toward the goal to win the prize and receive my reward in which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus! How amazing - and that is what I live for and that is why I am still on this journey.

Lyrics from the song "I Belong to You" by BarlowGirl and Superchic[k]:

Everybody needs to belong somewhere
Life can feel so alone without someone who cares
And when life becomes something just to get through
That's when I'm glad that I belong to You
I belong to You,
I belong to You...
You're the One who will never let me down,
won't let me down,
I belong to You
Sometimes life brings more pain than we can bear alone
When hope is gone and I have no strength to stand on my own
Nothing helps theres nothing that I can do
You surround me and show me I belong to You
I belong to You,
I belong to You...
You're the One who will never let me down,
won't let me down,
I belong to You
When love is gone there's no arms to run to anymore
I'm all alone, theres no one for me to live for
Letting go of the things I always come to
Thats when I need to feel
That I belong to YouI belong to You,
I belong to You...
You're the One who will never let me down,
won't let me down,
I belong to You

I've been feeling that exact way a lot lately. God has been gently lifting up my head and whispering to me, "Yes, you belong to Me. Always and forever - you belong to Me." How refreshing and encouraging and amazing. I love God and I am forever grateful for Him. And I am thankful for all of you who have been encouraging me lately... thank you!

True Fulfillment

2008-01-02T19:26:00.000-05:00

I had a really discouraging night last night. I don't want to tell you why, but I feel that it could help you if I do, and so I will. I was thinking a lot about guys and my future husband. I was having doubts that he is even out there. I'm not dating right now, and yet my heart was yearning for someone. Maybe that's a natural thing for those who are single to think about and desire. But there is one important thing that I learned and realized last night: I can't put my trust in people. People always disappoint. People always let you down. Why? Because they're human. People can't ultimately and truly satisfy your needs and desires. People can't ultimately bring you satisfaction. But God can. And God is the only One Who can bring you that true satisfaction that your heart is longing for and desiring to have. You might be single or you might be married. The truth is, no husband [or wife] is ever going to bring you the true satisfaction that you need. Your heart may be telling you different, but the truth is, God is the only One Who can bring you that true satisfaction and the only One Who can complete your heart and the only One Who can satisfy your desires.

I want to tell you [and believe me, I know from experience considering that I have never dated], being single is a wonderful thing. You may think that you need someone right now, but the truth is: you don't. The only Someone you need is God, and even if that is hard to believe, believe it; because it's true. Use the season of life that you are in right now to serve God. Those who are single sometimes waste away their lives and their dreams, waiting, waiting, waiting for God to place the right person in their life. Don't be like that. Use the season of life that you're in right now for God's glory. Get to know Him intimately. He is the only One that you will ever need.

It was late last night and I still hadn't read my Bible reading for the day for the challenge that I'm doing [to read the Bible in 90 days]. I was tired, I was discouraged, and I just wanted to go to sleep and feel sorry for myself. I knew that I needed to get in God's Word, though, and so I did. I read the Bible reading for yesterday, read Proverbs 1, and then got out my journal and just poured out my heart to God while I listened to some really good Christian music. And you know what? I felt completely refreshed. Completely refreshed. Now if that didn't show me that God is my only true source of satisfaction and fulfillment, then I don't know what will. But I did realize then that He really is all that I need. Now will He always be all that I want? No, of course not. I am a human with human desires. I caught myself today desiring the same thing I did yesterday. Does that mean that God isn't my true source of satisfaction? No. That means that I am a human. And I am a human - like every other person out there - who needs God. God holds my true identity, He is ultimately my only source of true satisfaction, He is always there to take me back when I fail, He is the only friend who really knows how I feel and what I'm thinking, and He is the only One Who is always there to pick me up when I fall.

I want to encourage you to right now go to God and just pour your heart out to Him. He does care. He does want to listen. Talk to Him like you would talk to your friend. Cry to Him. He won't turn you away like so many people you know do. He is your only true source of fulfillment and satisfaction. He is all that you need right now, and He is all that you will ever need.

"This is what the LORD says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD.'"
-Jeremiah 17:5

Also, read the prayer that Jesus prayed for us - for you - before He was crucified in John 17:9-21.

A New Year and a New Start

2008-01-01T12:21:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! I pray that God will bless your new year and that you will grow closer to Him this year than you ever have been before.

I have a lot of goals for the new year and I realize that I might not reach them all. My number one goal is to grow closer to God than I ever have been before. That's a goal that I intend and hope and pray to reach this year.

Last year I made a goal to read the Bible every day of the year [2007]. I did miss a couple of days, but God definitely helped me to read His Word almost every day of the year. Another goal was to get closer to God. I was reading my journal entries in my journal from last year and I realized that I have changed so much since the beginning of 2007. I really believe that that is a good thing, and I am so thankful to God that He has changed me and used me for His glory in 2007.

This year, 2008, I've made more goals than I ever have for the new year. I hope that I don't get overwhelmed with them, and I know with God's strength and perseverance I won't. I just need to realize that if I do mess up, it's okay. I just need to let go of that and move on and continue to try to reach my goals. I'm going to be putting my goals on here [monthly goals and yearly goals] so please read them if you want to. And don't be afraid to check up on me and see how I'm doing with them!

"I need a new life, a new start
Life just isn't the same anymore.
Pressure, to be someone you don't wanna see
in yourself
Lies, chasing you down; what's fake and
what's reality?
Choices, make the wrong one and suddenly your
life is broken.
Loneliness, like a disease it attacks when
you least expect it.
Worries, swarming around in your mind with
nowhere to go.
Forgiveness, is there such a thing
anymore?
Changes, they are inescapable and
unpredictable.
Regrets, everyone has them but only a few
let them go.
Life, it isn't easy; but there is Someone Who
Promises a better way.
He leads, He protects, He comforts, He loves,
God guides me all the days of my life.
And suddenly, the things of this world
don't matter anymore.
For I have seen the beauty of the Lord
and my heart has been made new!"

Just a poem I wrote the other day. It's nothing great, just something I wanted to write to get my feelings out on paper. I wanted to write something to go along with the new year and having a new start and I thought I'd share it with you.

I want to encourage you to make goals for this year. If you feel you've already failed, don't give up. Make new goals and start out fresh - even if it's the middle of the year or the end of the year! Continue to set goals for yourself and for your life that line up with what God wants for you and your life. I read something once that says something like this, "Think positive and you will have positive results. Think negative and you will have negative results. Don't think at all and you will have no results." I really want to encourage you to set effective goals for yourself that line up with what God wants for your life. Answer the questions on one of my previous posts [called "Effective Goals for the New Year"] to make goals for yourself. I did, and it really helped me to set goals and know what I want to do this year in my life with Christ.

Here are some ideas for goals that you can make for yourself:
-Read the Bible in 90 days. Sounds like a lot of reading, but it's all planned out for you. Just click this link: http://www.haventoday.org/schedule.pdf
-Make a prayer file. "Write down various prayer requests on index cards, using one card per request and noting: the nature of the request, the date, and where the request came from. File each request in the appropriate section of your file: things you intend to pray about daily, weekly, and monthly (divide the monthly section into 30 slots so you can pray about a different request each day of the month). Whenever you discover how God has answered a certain prayer request, record the answer on the corresponding card and move the card to a new file -- one for answered prayers." [from Crosswalk]
-Read a chapter of Proverbs every day. For example, read Proverbs 1 on the first of the month, Proverbs 2 on the second, etc. [And don't feel like you have to start at the beginning!]
-Write in a journal everyday. Write down your thoughts, your feelings, your hurts, disappointments, discouragements, joys, etc. that you have experienced throughout the day. Write them out as a prayer to God in a journal every night and evaluate your day and think about what you could've done differently or better and ask for forgiveness for the things that you know you have done wrong that you didn't ask for forgiveness for earlier in the day.

Or here's some more simple goals:
-Read the Bible everyday. Just read it - it doesn't matter how much or how little, just try to get in the Word every day.
-Pray everyday. Set aside a time everyday to just talk to God. Whether that's at night when you're going to sleep or throughout the day, just talk to God. And if you really want to set aside part of your day to spend with your Father, I encourage you to do that, too.
-Do something that you wouldn't have done last year. Get out of your comfort zone this year. Do something new and scary for God that last year you would never have thought of doing.
-Meet a new friend. Reach out to someone and make a new friend.

So there's some goals that you can maybe think about doing. I'll be doing them [or at least trying to do them], too, so if you need any encouragement, you know who to talk to!

One more thing: I really encourage you to right now go to God and ask Him to cleanse your heart from all of the wrong things that you have done last year. It's 2008 - a new year and I pray, a new start. I hope you have a really great new year and again, I encourage you to make some good goals and try to get closer to God this year!

And remember:
"A simple man believes anything, but a prudent man gives thought to his steps."
-Proverbs 14:15

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."
-Proverbs 16:9

God's Call

2007-12-22T23:26:00.000-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wMnJidOhlQ

Click the above link to see a video of Zach Hunter when he was on The 700 Club last night. I was watching The 700 Club when Zach Hunter was on there. What a guy with an amazing vision and dream for his life! He is a teenage abolitionist and he has even written a book called "Be the Change". He has a passion for something and he is going after it! And I admire him so much for that. He seems like he puts God first in his vision, too, and he is trying to change the world. It is such an amazing thing.

How many of us teenagers realize that we have so much to offer this world at our age? How many of us realize that we can help change the world one person at a time? I encourage you to find something that you are passionate about, go to God with it, and if He says to go for it, then go for it. You can change the world. I can change the world. We can change the world - one person at a time.

"The thought of you was enough to keep the King of Kings strung up on a Roman cross; think of that the next time you wonder about what one girl can do. It only takes one to shake a nation. It only takes one to change the world. One faithful girl is all God needs to start a revolution. In time one can easily become one hundred, one thousand, or one million. But you can't have one hundred, one thousand, or one million without first having one. You are that one. So what are you going to do about it?"
-out of Shannon Kubiak Primicerio's book "God Called a Girl"

Is God calling you to do something - whether it's something small or huge? Is God calling you out of your ordinary life into something extraordinary? Are you listening? Are you obeying? Are you following God's call?

"This is what the LORD says — your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: 'I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.'"
-Isaiah 48:17

Never Look Back

2007-12-20T11:36:00.000-05:00

Thanks everyone for all of your encouragement and for going out of your way to encourage me!

Tuesday I had a very busy day, so I didn't think as much or as deep as usual. I like being busy because of that reason, because when I think and pray, I get answers. God brings thoughts into my mind that my heart does not want to hear because He may be calling me out of my comfort zone or into new territory for Him. So when I stay busy, I don't stop and listen. I realize now, though, that I need to stop and think throughout my whole day. I need to stop and listen to God's voice no matter how busy my day may be. We all have 24 hours in a day - some just use it more wisely than others.

I didn't read Proverbs 18 Tuesday morning, so I read it Tuesday night and then never read my devotions that I always read before going to bed. I was thinking, "Well, it's late and I need to be able to get up early tomorrow morning so I can read God's Word. Wouldn't God want me going to sleep instead of reading more of His Word?" Sometimes I am a very foolish person. I missed out on some really great insights that I really could have used Tuesday night.

I really love how the New Century Version puts Luke 9:62. Here's what it says, "Jesus said, 'Anyone who begins to plow a field but keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God.'" Right before I read that verse I was looking at my now-bare wall where my Carrie Underwood poster used to be hanging and I was thinking, "Maybe it isn't wrong to listen to her music. I mean it's not bad or anything." God pierced my heart with that verse in Luke and said to me, "Anyone who wants to live sold out for Me will do only that which pleases Me. Don't look back." How amazing and refreshing God's truths are. Anyone who keeps looking back is of no use in the kingdom of God. Why do I constantly look back? I need to be looking ahead. I need to be looking up. Remember what happened to Lot's wife when she looked back?

"But Lot’s wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt." -Genesis 19:26

"Remember what happened to Lot’s wife! If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it." -Luke 17:32-33

Then I read in 2 Chronicles 16:9 in the New Century Version [it's the version I use for my devotions at night] which says, "The LORD searches all the earth for people who have given themselves completely to Him. He wants to make them strong." I have been getting "hit" with all of these truths from the Bible and from others about giving everything to God and living to please Him in all that I say and do. There is no other way to live completely satisfied and filled and at peace than to live for God.

Don't look back, but continue looking ahead and continue looking up to God. Live to please God in all that you say and do, because the Lord searches all of the earth to find those who have given themselves completely to Him. He wants to make them strong.

An Ongoing Battle

2007-12-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

I didn't get a good start on today at all. I woke up exhausted. I didn't want to read Proverbs 17, and it took me a while to read it because it wouldn't soak in. Then I read a chapter of "The Prayer of Jabez" and then read some online devotions and updated the quote on here. Then I got a shower and still had time before my class, so I sent out some emails I needed to. Then I read a little of my book ["Do I Have to Paint You a Picture?"] and then went into class. I was so exhausted, though, that at the end of that class [9:00] I went back to sleep and didn't wake up until 12:00! I missed three of my classes, so I got caught up on them before my Spanish II class. Then I listened to Nancy Leigh DeMoss' "Revive Our Hearts" for today. Then later I went shopping with my dad and brother and got done my Christmas shopping. Then I helped my mom bake a couple of cookies and then wrapped some gifts. Later tonight I got a little down and discouraged because of some things.
Enough about my day... the point is, satan was really attacking me today. He was trying to get me down. He was trying to get me to give up. And thoughts were passing through my mind like, "Molly, maybe living the sinful life is better..." and "Yeah, maybe I should live like the world." and "Molly, life is hard... just give up." Those little whispers from satan can be so convincing and so alluring.

It is an ongoing battle between satan's words and God's words in my heart:
"Come on Molly, living like the world is better" - "No, it is not. You are Mine, Molly, and you were created to serve Me."
"Oh, Molly, just this once you can do what is wrong. Just this once." - "Molly, that one small wrong move can ruin your innocence. Don't do it. Flee from evil and run into My arms."
"You are mine... live like it!" - "Molly, you do not have to be under satan's control. I have called you out of that awful bondage of sin and death and you are Mine. Live like it!"

It is an ongoing battle for the Christian to face. Satan wants you. He doesn't want you living for God. No way - satan wants you to live his way. Why? Because he wants to see you perish. He wants to see you die. He wants to see your dreams and hopes crushed. He wants to see your innocence ruined. He wants your life to be broken.

But God says, "My purpose is to give life in all its fullness. [John 10:10b]. Come to me, for I will give you rest [Matthew 11:28]. Cast all of your anxiety on Me, because I care about you [1 Peter 5:7]. If you have called on my Name, you are Mine [John 1:12]! And I promise you that!"

In this journey and walk with Christ, there is an ongoing battle between evil and good.

"For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms. Use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy in time of evil, so that after the battle you will still be standing firm."
-Ephesians 6:12-13

Yes, there is an ongoing, unseen, and very real battle constantly going on between satan [and all of his demons and followers] and God [and all of his angels and followers]. It is going on right now. If you're living a life for God, then you're going to face battles. If you're not facing any battles, then you're not living wholeheartedly for God.

So whose voice will you listen to? Satan's temptations and tauntings or God's still, small voice? Whose voice will you obey?

Asking for God's Blessings

2007-12-16T22:49:00.001-05:00

It's late and I should soon get to bed, but I wanted to share something with you guys first. I have been reading "The Prayer of Jabez" book. I've been praying the prayer every morning ["Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory. Let Your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." 1 Chronicles 4:10] I paraphrased it, though, to make it something like this: "Oh, that You would bless me indeed - so that I may have the resources that I need to be used by You. Enlarge my territory - enlarge my area of opportunity, so that I may be used greatly by You and for You. May Your hand be with me - because without You, I can do nothing. Change my life around and make it what You want it to be."

It may sound wrong to ask God for blessings, but the thing is, it isn't! God wants us to go to Him and ask Him to give us more opportunities to serve Him. God wants us to have blessings, so that we can give to others. Think about it; God must love to hear His children cry out to Him for more opportunities to share His love, for more blessings to share with others, for His hand to be in all that we do so that we can be effective witnesses for Him! God answered Jabez's prayer, and let me tell you that He has answered mine as well.

God has been working in my life. He has been opening doors for me to talk to my friends about Christ. He has been helping me to not be so judgmental. He has been giving me goals for the new year that I would never have wanted before, but now I want to try to reach those goals. He has been helping me to get up in the mornings and read His Word. He has been giving me new perspectives on things. He has been opening my eyes to things in my life. He has been helping me to see myself in a new way, because my true identity lies in Him - and when I am connected to Him, I find my true and real identity and who I really am. God has been doing things in my life that I wasn't expecting to happen. All because I have been asking Him to.

You can ask Him, too. In fact, He wants you to go to Him and ask Him to "bless you indeed" so that you can use the blessings for His glory. He wants you to go to Him and ask Him to "enlarge your territory" and open up opportunities for you to share Him with others so that more people know the truth about Him. He wants you to go to Him and ask Him for "His hand to be with you" so that in everything you do for God, you will have His strength and courage to do it [and trust me, you need it]. Now the next part: "Keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain". Jabez's name basically means "pain". He didn't want to live up to his name and have a life of pain like those around him thought he would have. He wanted to live outside the borders that society placed on his life. He wanted to live the life that God wanted for Him. He didn't want to live a life of pain. He wanted to live the life that the people around him thought he would never live. He wanted God to change his life. He also wanted to be free from temptations and evil, so that the pain that evil causes would be spared on his life. He knew that once he started to live a life of blessing, satan was going to attack him spiritually. And so he asked God to spare him from evil.

Jesus wants us to ask him to spare us from evil. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one." [Matthew 6:13] That was part of Jesus' model prayer for us to follow. He wants us to go to Him and ask Him to keep us from evil. Sometimes, though, fighting against evil is necessary. In those times, we need God's weapons and lots of prayer to help us get through the battles.
"The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds." [2 Corinthians 10:4]

God wants you to live for Him. God wants you to go to Him and ask Him to make your life extreme for Him. God wants you to go to Him and ask Him to help you to live above who society wants you to become. God wants you to go to Him and ask Him to keep you from unnecessary evil. God wants you to go to Him and ask Him to change your life.

"And God granted his request" [1 Chronicles 4:10]. If you go to God with a pure heart and pure motives, He'll grant yours as well.

The Power of Prayer

2007-12-14T23:29:00.000-05:00

Last night I couldn't get to sleep. I felt restless and awake. I was also excited [yes, excited] to wake up "early" the next morning and spend time with God [which may have been the reason for me not being able to get to sleep; satan has a way of trying to get us to spend as little time with God as possible]. There was definitely a time when I would have dreaded this. And I'm sure that I still will sometimes. I am just so glad that God helped me to wake up this morning at 6:00, refreshed and ready to start the day [though I still felt very tired]. I read Proverbs 14, read a chapter of "The Prayer of Jabez", read devotions online, updated "Today's Quote" on here, got a shower, and went to class. I had a pretty good day in school today - busy, but good. During my break I did my Algebra quiz and some of my English test that I had never finished. Then after my Spanish II class I finished my English test and decided that I had done enough school for the day. So I called Emily B. and found out that she couldn't get to sleep last night either. Which is weird, since I was thinking about her last night [I never did tell you this, Emily] and so I prayed for her and then eventually I fell asleep.

There's something about prayer that is so very powerful. Sometimes at night as I'm drifting off to sleep I'll think about somebody that God has laid on my heart to pray for, and so I do. Even once in a while throughout the night God will wake me up and put someone on my heart to pray for. When God lays someone on your heart to pray for, then that person needs prayer. It would be wise to pray for that person right when you feel God telling you to [whether it's a close friend, an old friend, or a stranger that you encountered that day or even years before]. You may not see the results of your prayers, but know that if God presses on your heart to pray for someone, then that person needs prayer. They may be facing a temptation or a trial or pain in their life. They may be struggling in their walk with Christ. They may be looking for answers in their life and in their life's circumstances. You may never know why you need to pray for the person that you know God is pressing on your heart to pray for - but God does. And that's all that matters. You might see the results of your persistant and obedient prayers. You might not. Yes, it is rewarding to see the results of your fervent prayers in another person's life - especially if that person is your friend - but even if you never do, know that your prayers are worth it and know that God answers all prayers. He knows the outcome of your prayers before you even pray them. Prayer is powerful. Prayer changes circumstances, situations, and outcomes. To underestimate the power of prayer is to limit God's power in your life and the lives of others.

Does anyone remember the story in the Bible of the man who God had kept waking up in the middle of the night, but the man didn't know it was God at first? He kept obeying God though, and getting up out of bed every time God called Him. I can't remember who this man was or where his story is recorded in the Bible, so if any of you know, please let me know.

"You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior. You are the hope of everyone on earth, even those who sail on distant seas."
-Psalm 65:5

"If I had not confessed the sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. But God did listen! He paid attention to my prayer. Praise God, who did not ignore my prayer or withdraw his unfailing love from me."
-Psalm 66:18-20

By the way, I want to let all of you know that if you ever have any questions about anything that I say on here, please comment me and ask me. I would love to help answer your questions if you're confused on something [even if it's something I've never posted about]. So please, feel free to ask me any questions you might have!

Desires of Your Heart

2007-12-13T22:16:00.000-05:00

I got a bad start on my day today. I woke up really late and then got mad about it. I still did my devotions, though... and I didn't have much school to do since I did most of it yesterday. I did my school later tonight, since I didn't have much time before piano lessons to do it.

Something I struggled with today was wishing - no, more than that... desiring - things in my life that I don't have. Not so much "material things", more like people and friendships. Last night I had a dream about someone and I woke up desiring that it was true. I was dissappointed. I was frustrated. Then later today I got this deep desire for something else to happen in my life and if I would've let myself, I could've gotten depressed over it. I realized, though, that what I was desiring was so selfish. So I stopped my thoughts and prayed. I realized that I was being selfish and foolish. I realized that I needed to trust God with the situation, because He has ultimate control over it. And so I stopped my thoughts as they were quickly turning into sadness and on the way towards depression, and I said, "Lord, I'm sorry. You have control. Please help me." A simple prayer like that, and yet it helped so much. I didn't feel the same way about the situation the rest of the day. Now, I easily could have, since God gives us a free will and He lets us think whatever we want to [but we still have to pay consequences for the sin that we do]. But when I realized that what I desired was so selfish and that everything is under God's control and that I can trust Him, I have no reason to need to desire anything in this life except what God wants for me.

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need."
-Matthew 6:33

Seek God first. Put God first, above all else. Put God's Kingdom above everything in your life. He will give you the things that you need, He will give you the Godly relationships that you need, He will give you the Godly friendships that you need, He will give you the job that you need, and in His time and if it's in His plans, He will give you that guy or girl that you think you need right now. He will give you everything that you need if you put Him above everything else. Everything you need. No, not everything that you want or everything that you think you need. God knows what you need. He knows what you need better than you know what you need. We sometimes confuse what we think we need with what we really need in our lives. But God knows what we really need. God knows who we need. And He will give you everything that you need if you seek Him and His Kingdom first in your life and if you live for Him. You can trust Him with that.

God knows the desires of your heart, too. He knows the deepest desires of your heart that no one else knows about. He delights in giving His children what they desire - if it lines up with His will and with His plans. But keep in mind, if you are trying to live for God in every aspect of your life, then you're going to desire what God desires. And God will want to give you what you desire. He delights in seeing His children having joy and peace with their life. And even when everything around you seems to be crumbling, you can have peace that you have a God who cares. And you can look up to Him and you can give all of your burdens, all of your worries, all of your desires, all of your wishes, all of your dreams, to Him. I'm sure that when God sees His children humbly coming to Him and giving Him all of their burdens and all of their deepest dreams in their heart - I'm sure He delights in that. So delight yourself in the Lord. Make Him your number one priority. Put Him above all else. Seek Him and His Kingdom first, before anything. Live in a way that honors and pleases God. And when you do that, you'll see that your dreams and your desires will line up with God's dreams and desires for you - because you'll desire what God desires. You'll have dreams that you have never had before, because you will want God's dreams. And I am sure that that is a very fulfilling and very satisfying way to live your life.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
-Psalm 37:4

Beauty for Ashes

2007-12-12T23:33:00.000-05:00

I had a good day today. And the only reason I can say that is because of God! I woke up at 6:00, read Proverbs 12, read a chapter of "The Prayer of Jabez", and read some devotions online. Then I got a shower, checked my emails again, and went to class. I did a lot of my homework today, so I don't have as much to do tomorrow. Maybe I'll be able to get some more World Religions and maybe Creative Writing done. I'm wondering if I should drop Creative Writing. I realize that God doesn't want me to be stressed out, and if I don't have my priorities straight [with God first] then I know that He wants me to cut some things out of my life that really don't need to be there. I have really been trying to make God first in my life, in every area and in every situation. I have a feeling that my Creative Writing class is going to stress me out since it's so deep, and I'm wondering if I'll have to finish it over the summer. That or drop the class. I'm not sure what I should do yet.

After school I listened to Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Her program was really good today. She was talking about Simeon, who the Holy Spirit had told would not die until he had seen the Messiah. It so happened that the same day Mary and Joseph went to the Temple to present Jesus to the Lord [which was the ritual then], the Holy Spirit had led Simeon to the Temple. Now, I don't believe in coincidences! This was a divine appointment, set up by the Holy Spirit Himself.

Luke describes Simeon as being righteous [just and upright; conformable to what is right] and devout [careful, cautious; having reverence for God; fear of the Lord; wanting to please God in every area of his life]. Like Nancy pointed out, there were a lot of Jews in that day who were committed to the work of God. So what was different about Simeon?

He wasn't just going through the motions. He had a heart of reverence and devotion toward God.

Luke also says that Simeon was waiting for the consolation of Israel. Simeon was waiting for the Messiah. He was living in a dark and fallen world and time [as we are]. And when he saw Jesus that day in the Temple, he knew that he had seen the Messiah, and he knew that Jesus was going to be the glory of Israel [Luke 2:32] - the consolation of Israel!

A quote by J.C. Ryle:
"We see in the case of Simeon how God has believing people even in the worst of places and in the darkest of times. God never leaves Himself entirely without a witness. Let us believe that grace can live and flourish even in the most unfavorable circumstances. There are more Simeons in the world than we suppose."

God was the consolation of Israel. Read Isaiah 40:1-2, Isaiah 49:13, Isaiah 52:9, Isaiah 61:1-3 and you'll see that this is true.

-Are you looking to other things, things of this world, as your consolation? Or are you looking to the only true consolation - the only fulfilling and lasting One - Jesus Christ, the Messiah?
-Is God your consolation? Is He your only consolation?

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the LORD's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the LORD has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory."
-Isaiah 61:1-3

Beauty for Ashes - How beautiful! True, Jesus was the consolation of Israel and He rescued them. But He has also come to be your consolation and comfort. He has also come to rescue you.

Beauty for Ashes. Jesus Christ can transform your ashes [your sin, your burdens, your mistakes, your worries, your life] into beauty. All you have to do is ask Him to. He rescued the nation of Israel. He can rescue your life.

Even When...

2007-12-10T23:39:00.000-05:00

I wrote this poem to hand out with candy canes tonight when me and my friends [TRANSFORMED - The Bible Study that we do] went Christmas Caroling to the elderly... I love the elderly. It's like when I'm surrounded by them, something in me breaks -- I even started to cry tonight [and I don't cry easily]. It is so real, though... I am so drawn to them. They really touch my heart, and sometime I just want to sit down with them and talk with them about their backgrounds, their life, and about Christ. I am so thankful that God gave us the opportunity to go there tonight to Christmas carol to them and hopefully witness and reach out to them. I was so blessed by going there tonight.
Here's the poem [and I give all of the credit to God for this. He wrote it through me.]

Even when you feel regret,
Even when you're full of pain,
Jesus cares about your heart,
And you can call on His precious Name.

Even when you feel alone,
Even when you're full of fears,
Jesus holds out His hands to you,
And wipes away all your tears.

If you will fall into His loving arms,
If you will take His outstretched hand,
He will forever hold you close,
And lead you to a glory land.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
-John 3:16

Effective Goals for the New Year

2007-12-08T11:22:00.000-05:00

So the New Year is soon here, and like most of you, I'm making goals for the New Year. Not resolutions, but goals. Why not resolutions? Well, because when you make resolutions and then fail, you can easily get down on yourself and give up. When you make goals, you can tell yourself in the Presence of God, "Okay, I know that I might fail from time to time with these goals, but I am going to make them anyway and strive to accomplish them."
Also, the world makes resolutions... it seems like such a worldly term. America makes resolutions every year [most of which don't revolve around God]. America makes goals and calls them resolutions, and then usually fails at accomplishing them anyway. But making effective goals for the new year [like getting closer to God, striving to be more like God, etc.] that center on God and God's Will for your life are what I think every follower of Christ should be doing. So like last year, I'm going to be making goals again for the new year. I know a lot of you are going to be making goals, too, so here's a list of questions that you can ask yourself - in God's presence - to make effective goals for 2008.

1. What's one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What's the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What's the most important way you will, by God's grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?In addition to these ten questions, here are twenty-one more to help you "Consider your ways." Think on the entire list at one sitting, or answer one question each day for a month.
11. What's the most important decision you need to make this year?
12. What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what's one way you could simplify in that area?
13. What's the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?
14. What habit would you most like to establish this year?
15. Who do you most want to encourage this year?
16. What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it?
17. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?
18. What's one new way you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?
19. What's one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?
20. What book, in addition to the Bible, do you most want to read this year?
21. What one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?22. What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?
23. In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?
24. What's the most important trip you want to take this year?
25. What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?
26. To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount this year?
27. What's the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your commute this year?
28. What one biblical doctrine do you most want to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?
29. If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?
30. What's the most important new item you want to buy this year?
31. In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you do about it this year?

Source: http://www.spiritualdisciplines.org/newyear.html

Step-by-Step

2007-12-06T22:19:00.001-05:00

Ahh... my days have been pretty busy lately... but I have nothing to complain about. I have lots of things to work on, though... like accomplishing things step-by-step instead of trying to jump ahead. It never works and it only makes me even more stressed out. I also need to figure this whole thing out about my music standards. I'm not sure if I made the right choice or not by deciding to not listen to secular music -- some of the songs have really good lyrics to them. Should I stop listening to contemporary Christian music? Is it okay to listen to Christian rock? Is it okay to listen to secular music if it has good lyrics? They are all questions that I've been asking myself lately. And then the whole "hurry sickness" thing -- it's been getting baad. I'm trying to slow my life down and I'm thinking of some things that I can maybe cut out of my life, but I can't really think of anything. Oh, and the whole being self-conscious thing? I find that I feel much better about myself when I'm connected with God. I haven't been feeling very connected with God lately, and as a result, I've been losing my true identity -- which lies in Christ. I was thinking today about how I learn everything the hard way. It really does seem like I do. I do think I'm getting better at it, though -- with God's strength -- but I still do learn things the hard way and learn the same lesson over again more than once. I guess it's all a part of growing and learning in Christ. I realize, though, that I need to keep trying and striving and yielding and surrendering and focusing. I need to keep on keeping on. I need to continue to live for God.

I think I found my problem. Not too long ago I felt like I was doing pretty good in my walk with Christ. Actually, I couldn't think of anything that I was doing wrong. Maybe you could say that I was even getting a little prideful. God humbled me and showed me through different people and through different things that I am not anywhere close to being perfect, that I am not anywhere close to being like Him, that I am not anywhere close to being "good" in my walk with Christ. He revealed to me that my walk with Him is a journey, with valleys and mountains, with hard and trying times and good and "high" times. Through my entire journey, God has been pruning me -- which is, at times, a very painful process. Though my journey isn't always easy, it is refreshing. It is worth it.

I was doing a World Religions lesson tonight [I'm trying to get caught up] and right now I'm learning about Hinduism. I was watching a video on the Hindus and their rituals and things and wow -- my heart just went out to them. They spend their entire lives doing all of these rituals for the "gods" and "goddesses" and try to stop reincarnation and reach Heaven... all of which is in vain. The only way to Heaven is through Jesus Christ. And the Hindus don't know Him. Watching the video and watching them perform all of their rituals and prayers and trying, trying, trying in vain to reach the "gods" -- and all of this time they are wasting their lives away. Little children are following in their parents' footsteps and doing the same thing. I got tears in my eyes watching it -- and I don't cry easily! It is so sad. I pray that God will open their eyes to Who He really is and that they will find the true way to God -- through Jesus Christ.

"Tears of the Saints" - Leeland

There are many prodigal sons
On our city streets they run
Searching for shelter
There are homes broken down
People’s hopes have fallen to the ground
From failures
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them "come back home"
We’re crying for them "come back home"
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
There are schools full of hatred
Even churches have forsaken
Love and mercy
May we see this generation
In its state of desperation
For Your glory
This is an emergency!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them "come back home"
We’re crying for them "come back home"
And all your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
Sinner, reach out your hands!
Children in Christ you stand!
There are tears from the saints
For the lost and unsaved
We’re crying for them "come back home"
We’re crying for them come back home
And all Your children will stretch out their hands
And pick up the crippled man
Father, we will lead them home
Father, we will lead them home

"'I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in Me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in Me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in Me.'"
-John 15:1-4

Intimacy With God

2007-12-04T20:58:00.000-05:00

Well I think I'm getting out of my slump. Which is a very good thing! I want to grow closer to God than I ever have been before. I want to have a deep relationship with God. I was listening to Nancy Leigh DeMoss today and she was talking about the relationship and communion that Moses had with God. It was such a deep relationship and such an amazing communion that Moses had with God. When Moses went to meet with God, all of the people in his camp would stand outside their tent doors and watch him. Some even went with Moses to meet with God. It's obvious that Moses' sincere devotion to God influenced the people around Him to also have a relationship with God.

-Is your life motivating people to get right with God?
-Are you shining so much for God that when people see you they want what you have -- a relationship with God?
-Does the way that you live inspire others to be more like God?

Just some things to think about. I know that I want to live the kind of life that brings honor and glory to God and that also inspires others to get closer to God. What people need from me and from you is someone who can give them good, Godly, advice and someone who can encourage and uplift them in their walk with Christ. And if I'm going to do that, then I need to daily be in the Presence of God. You shouldn't just go to God when you're in trouble - or when you had a really good day and you're feeling good about yourself. Every day you should be in the Presence of God. Every day I should be in the Presence of God. I should go to God everyday and just drown in His love and His mercy and His Presence.

Why does it take so long for God to get my attention sometimes? Why do I hesitate going into the Presence of God, when I know from the past that it is such an amazing place to be?

"The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend. Then Moses would return to the camp, but his young aide Joshua son of Nun did not leave the tent."
-Exodus 33:11

Joshua stayed behind in the tent because he wanted what Moses had - he wanted that relationship with God! And oh, how I want that, too. How I want an intimate, sincere, deep, relationship with God. I guess I just feel like I'm in a part of my journey right now where I'm not growing. But then I really think about it and I realize that I am growing. I am learning so much about God and about life and about myself. God has been revealing things to me and I am so thankful for Him. I am so, so, eternally grateful for God. I feel overcome by His wondrous love and mercy and grace and compassion and fairness and discipline and guidance.

Our God is an awesome God.

Another Step in the Journey

2007-12-01T20:32:00.000-05:00

Well, it's December 1st... a new month. This morning I was trying to think of something I could do - a goal I could try to reach - this month, but I decided that trying to keep on track with God and continuing to find out more about Him and myself would be enough. I think I'm going to make up a new schedule, new plans, new goals, and maybe even new dreams for the New Year. But for now - for the rest of this year - I'm going to try to get closer to God and get out of this slump that I'm in.

I think I found the reason for the "valley" that I'm in right now. Well, for one thing, because it's all a part of growing in Christ. I need to be in these valleys in order to get on top of the mountains where I love to be with God. but if life was only full of "highs" and "mountains" with God, then there would be no growth. I would never grow in my relationship with God if I never experienced hardships, trials, pain, etc. I would never find a reason to rely on God with my whole entire life and being. But I think another reason that I'm in this valley is because I'm stressing myself out over doing devotions at a certain time, praying at a certain time, etc. Yes, I am reading a chapter of Proverbs in the morning and my devotions at night. I listen to or read devotions throughout the day sometimes, too. I listen to inspiring, Christian music. I pray throughout the day. I talk to my friends about God. But now I'm trying to set a schedule for myself. I need to get up early and pray and read the Bible. I need to do this at this time and that at that time. I need to read this devotion and sign up for that devotion. Oh, and I need to follow God's calling on my life, too... and I need to -
No, how am I going to live with joy if I put so much stress on my life? Following God is not about having stress. Yes, following God can be hard at times, but it will never be in vain if you are following Him humbly, with your whole heart, with Him leading you and you following Him. Yes, it's good to have goals. In fact, you should have goals. And you should follow God's calling on your life. But when you're putting stress on your life to try to accomplish so much at one time, you won't have joy. Follow Jesus. He'll take your stress, He'll take your burdens, He'll take your pain, He'll take your monotonous routines that you've exchanged for a relationship with Him and He'll give you a fresh, clean, start. Lay everything down at Jesus' cross.

Thank you for your encouraging words Emily B. and Emily K. [haha]. And thank you for your prayers and for being there for me.

So, I need to get out of this slump and get back on fire for God. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it really means to be in this world and not of it. That is such a hard thing to accomplish. But it can be done with God's help and God's strength. I feel like an outcast at times because of what I believe... but I guess it's good to feel like I don't belong here. Because I don't! I was called out with God's amazing grace and I am one of His own. I should be living on fire for Him. I should be following Him in every decision that I make and in everything that I do! And if that means giving up things that I love, then so be it. I just hope that I think that strongly about what I'm now saying when God does call me to give different things up for Him. He has before and I've usually always obeyed Him. But as I take more steps - that seem against the full force of the wind at times [which is satan]- through this journey, I'm thinking more into my beliefs and why I believe what I do and God has been reinforcing them and changing them. He has been changing my point-of-view on different things and has been giving me a new outlook on life and on different things. It is definitely a journey and it is definitely a journey that takes a lifetime - but it is also the journey of a lifetime.

When I listened to this song tonight, I got a picture in my mind of me carrying my "cross" to give everything up for God. Me going to His cross and laying everything there for Him to take. Jesus making me whole.

"Pieces" - Red
I'm here again
A thousand miles away from You
A broken mess
Just scattered pieces of who I am
I tried so hard
Thought I could do this on my own
I've lost so much along the way
Then I'll see Your face
I know I'm finally Yours
I find everything
I thought I lost before
You called my name
I come to You in pieces
So You can make me whole.
I've come undone
But You make sense of who I am
Like puzzle pieces in Your eye
When I see Your face
I know I'm finally Yours
I find everything
I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to You in pieces
So You can make me whole.
When I see Your face
I know I'm finally Yours
I find everything
I thought I lost before
You call my name
I come to You in pieces
So You can make me whole.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.'"
-Matthew 16:24

Only You can make me whole, God. And You are Who I want to follow with my whole heart, for the rest of my life and for eternity.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
-Romans 12:2

Spiritual Highs and Lows

2007-11-29T23:00:00.001-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting on here every day. I've been in kind of a slump lately. I haven't been doing my checklist for Proverbs, just reading it. I've been getting up really late. I'm still behind in my World Religions and Creative Writing classes. I've been questioning my music standards. I've been saying the wrong things at the wrong times. I've been stressed. I've been being stretched spiritually [which is not a bad thing]. My patience has been being tested so much lately. Have I been responding to all of these things in the right way? I wish I could say that I have. But I haven't.

I've taken my stress out on my family. My relationship with God hasn't been the way that it should be, because of my own selfishness and foolishness. I have been calling myself a fool lately, because of different things I've said and done. I will admit it right now: I am not perfect. And as long as I'm here on this earth, I won't be. But, I should be striving to be more like Christ. Have I been? Not like I should be. Sometimes I feel like such a complete failure. Yet God accepts me. He accepts me.

I need to be obeying God in ALL that I do, and I will have a successful life. I've been falling back into the whole "hurry sickness" thing again [read post "hurry sickness"]. I hate when I get into these valleys in my walk with Christ, but I realize I must go through these in order to get back up on the mountain. But may my highs not be so high, and my lows not be so low. When my highs with God are so high, then my lows seem very, very low. I need to be taking control of the decisions that I make everyday, of the motivations behind those decisions, and what I believe in and why.

Today I got up late and read Proverbs 29. Then I babysat my little sister for a while, so we baked a cake and watched Scooby Doo. I love my little sister. :] Then I did some homework, then went to the library, then came home and did some more homework. I sent out some emails, and went to the store with Mom. We saw a shooting star on the way home! It was so cool. I love God's beauty. He is so beautiful that He would create all of the variety and beauty of this earth. And to think that Heaven is going to be even more beautiful... just to think of it astounds me.

Something to think about:
Are the choices you're making today going to ashame you when you come before God one day? Because we will all go before God. Of course, you can ask for forgiveness for your past mistakes, but I'm talking about your present. Are your present choices going to make a positive difference for eternity? Or do they only matter here on earth? Are your present choices going to put you to shame when you come before God one day? Or are you striving to live for God in all that you do - in what you wear, in what music you listen to, in who you hang out with, in what you're reading, in where you're going, in the magazines you look at, etc. The world is a sinful and fallen place. But as Christians, as children of God, we have hope because there is a God out there Who cares and Who loves. And if you go to Him and accept Him and follow Him you will be saved, you will live in Heaven with God for eternity. For eternity.

How beautiful God really is!

Belong

2007-11-25T20:52:00.000-05:00

In church today Pastor Bill was talking about being an original. There are so many people today who were born an original [because we all are], but then live and die a copy. I don't know about you, but I don't want to live like that. I don't want to be a copy. All of us were born an original. We were all born a unique original. If you live your whole entire life trying to please everyone else, you're never going to get anywhere. No one everywhere is going to accept you. You may think you fit in, but someone somewhere is going to think you're "weird" - to put it bluntly. "Buuut I want to fit in with THAT group! I don't care what anyone else thinks of me." Why do you try so hard to fit in? Why do you try so hard to copy "her" or to fit in so "he" will notice you? Why do we try so hard to be accepted?

We are accepted!

We are accepted by the Lord Jesus Christ, Who came to live and die for you. He then rose from the grave for you. He broke the power of sin and death for you. He did this so that you could have Salvation if you ask Him for it. He did this because He loves you. He did this because He accepts you if you run to Him and ask Him to. He loves you. He is the only acceptance you will ever need. He is the only Person you will ever need - and even if that seems so hard to accept, believe it. You can be accepted by the "cool" crowd - you can hang out at all the "right" places with all the "right" people - but where is that getting you in life? If anywhere, it's taking you to the wrong place. Usually the "cool" crowd isn't the "right" crowd. And the crowd that isn't "right" usually does "wrong" things. So if you do all you can to "fit in", you'll make choices you'll later regret. You'll lose good friendships. I've seen it happen, so please believe me. Be authentic. Be real. Be who you really, truly, are. Please. God made you authentic, God made you unique, God made you YOU. Don't ever, ever, think that you need to "fit in" in places and crowds where you should not be. Remember that God accepts you JUST AS YOU ARE. And when you die and meet God, your "success" here on earth isn't going to matter at all.

Live looking up. Never live in the past, continually be aware of the choices that you're making in the present, and always look forward to the future.

Break

2007-11-24T22:05:00.000-05:00

Wow, I can't believe Christmas is only 30 days away! We went and got a Christmas tree today. I think that I definitely love having a real tree in the house over an artificial one. It smells so goood and it's so purrtyy. :]

My Thanksgiving Break is going good. Darla slept over on Thursday night so she was over all day Friday. Today I went with my family to get a Christmas tree, and then just kind of hung around the house and helped decorate the tree the rest of the day. It's so nice to have a break from school and not have to worry about doing anything. Though I do have things I want to get done before school starts back up on Wednesday. But it's just so nice to have a break.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss is doing a really good series right now called "Seeking Him". Go to her website and sign up for her emails if you want to. You can sign up to get her radio series to your email address. It's a great series. Go here to sign up for them:
http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/signup.php

"I love Jesus more than life itself"

Thankfulness

2007-11-23T22:56:00.000-05:00

Well Thanksgiving was great [and fun]! We had a bunch of our family over. It was like 20-25 people. It was so nice, though.

I'm going to list some people and things I'm thankful for.

I'm thankful for everyone who I got to share my Thanksgiving Day with yesterday:
-I'm thankful for Mom, who prepared most of it and made it all happen!
-I'm thankful for Dad, who helped to get everything ready [and who did the turkey... and showed me the heart of it. Eww. Haha.]
-I'm thankful for Matthew [my brother], who yes, can annoy me at times, but I love him anyway!
-I'm thankful for Maria, my sweet little sister and best friend. <3
-I'm thankful for Mamaw. I love her so much!
-I'm thankful for Ruth, who has become like part of the family.
-I'm thankful for Schuie, who I am so thankful could spend this day with us.
-I'm thankful for Darla [my best friend]. Love you girl!
-I'm thankful for the new baby Noah, who is healthy and adorable!
I'm thankful for all of my other family/family friends.
I'm thankful for my girls at Transformed!
I'm thankful for Emily K., thank you so much for your encouragement!
I'm thankful for Ana, thank you for always sticking by me!
I'm thankful for Emily B., who God has placed in my life at a time where I really needed you! Thank you for everything, Emily.
I'm thankful for Emily S., who continues to be a good example for me of a humble, Godly, person.
I'm thankful for Moriah, who shares my love for the country! :]
I'm thankful for Lacee, who has become a good friend of mine. I'm so glad God brought us together as friends again, Lacee!
I'm thankful for ALL of my other amazing friends!
I'm thankful for my salvation.
I'm thankful for food.
I'm thankful for my house.
I'm thankful for my freedoms.
I'm thankful for those who fight for our freedoms.
I'm thankful for my health.
I'm thankful for all of the "material things" God has blessed me with.
I'm thankful for God's beautiful creation.
I'm thankful for who God created me to be, and I continue to find out exactly who that is.
I'm thankful for God's Word.
I'm thankful for inspiring, God-honoring, music.
I'm thankful for life.
I'm thankful for love.
I'm thankful for joy.
I'm thankful for friendship.
I'm thankful for good memories.

But most of all, above all of these wonderful things, I am thankful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, Who continues to guide me, lead me, and teach me. I love You, Jesus. You are my Counselor, my Redeemer, my Savior, my Best Friend. I will follow You all of the days of my life!

"In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."
-John 14:2

"Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever."
-Psalm 23:6

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."
-Joshua 24:15b

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our 'God is a consuming fire.'"
-Hebrews 12:28-29